uhh so like
i guess i kind of..? lied in therapy yesterday? like not intentionally i got my point across but i was too tired to like explain it really but like
before we started my mom was like hey uhh maybe you guys should talk about how dave has been saying they want to die a lot more on their blog and we were like ok and we talked about some other stuff first and then we sorta got into that and i was like well i mean im sick and kinda miserable so thats why ive been so vocal about it it just sucks
and my therapist is like ‘oh so this isnt you really wanting death its just like, you feel bad? youre just exaggerating?’ and like.. i just said yeah and chalked it up to that because like.. i kind of am exaggerating but also not? like i do actually kind of want to die?i guess? but im not like about to go out and walk into traffic or anything its just kinda back there in my mind like well not existing would be better than whatver bullshit im feeling right now, emotionally and physically, so why not just Think about it
so ive just been thinking about it. and sometimes thinking about it means thinking out loud in a billion posts saying the same phrase ‘i wish i was dead’ over and over
like its not anything to worry about its just a thing
