#shrekchan

spread word of shrekchan

>Be me >The world has been dominated by his imperial majesty the ogrelord >The remaining heretics such as farquaad worshippers are either in hiding, or presumed extinct by brogre scientists.  >Be part of the almighty ogrelords battle unit. >a week before, a message was intersected. >It contained plans about a superweapon, and the location of  a quad-base. >While on patrol in the fairy tales woodlands to find quad base, me and my comrades begin to notice the smell of potatoes and shit. > We trace the scent of layer-less vegetables to a large compound. >Inside, we come across a research lab; Test tubes, artificial cloning chambers, computers and machinery.  >There are red ”F” farquaad insignias on the walls. >ohshit.jpg >Duloc Guards spring from the ceiling. >Blue ogres run in though the windows, in full combat gear. >”GET DOWN” I yell to my comrades >We engage fire >One of the guards screams as I disarm him and shove an onionade in his anus, and throw him. >He explodes >Flying shards of the guards pelvis, colon and legs kill or maim many of the blue ogres. >I open fire with my assault rifle, killing several Fairy god mother devotees, using a dead farquaad clone as a shield. >An enraged Prince charming is running at me >I dodge his sword sweep, and cut his pretty-boy face off with a swipe of my combat knife. I rip off his penis and strangle him with it. >Prince charming is kill >Just as the last heretic is butchered alive, and the building crumbles, we notice the sound of attack quaadbikes in the distance. >My Comrades bring out the brogre industries gatling gun. >Just as a thousand enemy shock troops appear, the gun initiates, >It fires 420 layered rounds a second, shredding 70% of the farquaad scum into even smaller pieces of shit. >Infantry continues to pour in, and many of my fellow soldiers are dying. >Every quad in sight is dead. > There are only five of us left, hiding in a huge pile of rubble, bullet casings and dead bodies. >All of a sudden,a quad-copter fires a dreksile at the cannon, and lands on the ruined building. >Farquaad jumps out of the aircraft, and 15 blue ogres follow him.  >I say ”shrek be with us, please” as I find out we have little ammo left from the combat. >Just as the quad recon team is about to find us an aroma of onions behind them distracts them  >Shrek rockets out of the sky at 69 metres per second >He lands so hard that a green shockwave kills the entire regiment of blue ogres. >Farquaad is sent flying back by the wave of energy. >Just as shrek is about to fuck quad to death, farquaad injects a strange substance into his own veins. >Could this be the superweapon? Genes from Ogres, dragons and farquaad? >He grows 6ft taller than shrek, and sprouts earstalks. >His skin turns red as his clothing, and his tiny body becomes even more ripped than the ogrelords. >The giant red mutant farquaad ogre runs at shrek. >Shrek jumps over its head and slams his fist into its head. >It roars, and rips a tree from the floor. >It hits shrek so hard, that the tree splinters. >”Is that all ye got, laddeh?” says shrek. >Just as shrek is about to decapitate quad in mid air with his 69 inch penis, It catches him by the neck. >”NNNOOOOOOOOOOO”, I scream >”Now, I finally get to exact my revenge on you, you pathetic creature” said farquaad >We open fire, but the genetically altered farquaad creature seems to have Shreks accelerated healing factor. It is no use. >Shrek looks quad in the eye and said ”You should’ve check’d yourself before you shrek’d yourself laddeh” >He pulls out an onionade, and pulls out the pin with his powerful ogre hands, and puts it in front of the giant red quadogres face >quad dies instantly as the onionade detonates, blowing off his head. >Shrek walks away as the huge red, headless body falls to the floor and explodes an enormous burst of farquaad radiation and trapped souls. >”Only real ogres and brogres have layerhs, ladehs” he says before disappearing.  >We lived on, but the war against farquaad was not entirely ogre yet... >To be Continued

The fact that Google Translate is blocked off the school network but ShrekChan isn't says a lot about our school.