#show version

Olenna- Do you know my son, the Lord of Highgarden? Sansa- I haven't had the pleasure. Olenna- No great pleasure, believe me. Ponderous oaf. His father was an oaf, as well. My husband, the late Lord Luther, he managed to ride off a cliff whilst hawking. They say he was looking up at the sky and paying no mind to where his horse was taking him, and now my son is doing the same. Only this time, he's riding a lion instead of a horse. And now, I want you to tell me the truth about this royal boy, this Joffrey. Sansa- I... I... Olenna- You. You. Who else would know better? We've heard some troubling tales. Is there any truth to them? Has this boy mistreated you? Has he ripped out your tongue? Sansa- Joff… King Joffrey, he.. his Grace is very fair and handsome and is is brave as a lion. Olenna- Yes, all Lannisters are lions and when a Tyrell farts it smells like a rose. But how kind is he, how clever? Has he a good heart, a gentle heart? Margaery- I'm to be his wife. I only want to know what that means. Olenna- Bring me some cheese. Servant- The cheese will be served after the cakes, my Lady. Olenna- The cheese will be served when I want it served, and I want it served now. Are you frightened child? No need for that. We're only women here. Tell us the truth. No harm will come to you. Sansa- My father always told the truth. Olenna- Yes, he had that reputation, and they named him traitor and took his head. Sansa- Joffrey. Joffrey did that. He promised he would be merciful, and he cut my father's head off. And he said that was mercy. And he took me up on the walls and made me look at it. Margaery- Go on. Sansa- I.. I can't. I never meant.. My father was a traitor, my brother as well. I have traitor's blood. Please don't make me say anymore. Margaery- She's terrified, Grandmother. Just look at her. Olenna- Speak freely, child. We will never betray your confidence, I swear it. Sansa- He's a monster. Olenna- Oh, that's a pity. Sansa- Please don't stop the wedding. Olenna- Ha, have no fear. The Lord Oaf of Highgardens determined that Margaery shall be queen. Even so, we thank you for the truth. Aah, here comes my cheese.

“Hmm... fuck.”

I don’t normally answer requests but I couldn’t ignore “Petyr” followed by the words “slimy hoe”.

Vargo Hoat: Take her over there where it’s dark. You’d like a little privacy. Jaime: You know who she is don’t you? Vargo Hoat: Some big dumb bitch from who cares where? I’ve never been with a woman that big. Jaime: She’s Brienne of Tarth. Her fathers Lord Selwyn Tarth. Heard of Tarth? They call it the Sapphire Isle. Do you know why? Every sapphire in Westeros was mined on Tarth. Sapphires are gemstones, blue ones. Vargo Hoat: I know what they are. Jaime: Lord Selwyn would pay his daughter’s weight in sapphires if she’s returned to him, but only if she’s alive and honor unbesmirched. Vargo Hoat: Bring her back here. Unbesmirched? Jaime: Not defiled. Vargo Hoat: A fancy word for a fancy man... Your father, would he pay your weight in gold to get you back? Jaime: You’ll be a rich man until the end of  your days. And your sons will be rich men and their sons after them. Lands. Titles. You’ll have them all. The North can’t win this war. You’re a smart man. You understand that. We have the numbers. We have the gold... Vargo Hoat: Hard to argue with that. Jaime: Now that we’re speaking together man to man, I wonder if you need to keep me chained to this tree? I'm not asking to be freed from my contraints, but if I could sleep lying down my back would thank you for it. I'm not as young and resilient as I was once. Vargo Hoat: None of us are. Unchain Ser Jaime from the tree. Suppose you'll be wanting something to eat? Jaime: Famished actually. Vargo Hoat: We've got a spare partridge on the fire... Bring the bird over here and the carving knife. Will this work as a table, Milord? Jaime: Why yes, yes this will do nicely. Aaahhh! Vargo Hoat: You think you're the smartest man there is. That everyone alive has to bow and scrape and lick your boots. Jaime: My father... Vargo Hoat: And if you get in any trouble all you've got to do is say "my father", and that's it. All your troubles are gone. Have you got something to say? Careful. You don't want to say the wrong thing. You're nothing without your daddy and your daddy ain't here. Never forget that. Here, this should help you remember! *Clink* Jaime: Aaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!