"I've got a little secret, i’m going to see her." YIKES
immediately, nikolai’s face turned a furious red, and his hands balled into fists at his sides. he wanted to fight, to just SWING at fedya and see where it led. what did it matter now? sonya was gone, along with the rostov family fortune, and somehow, nikolai was still made out to be the bad guy in all of it. his reputation could hardly get worse; it’s not like there were any foreseeable downsides to hitting dolokhov, getting shot, and being done with the whole thing.
but, of course, that’s not what nikolai did.
“why are you telling me?“ he spoke through clenched teeth, trying his best to hold back his tears as his thumbs dug into his thighs through his uniform pants. “you won. GREAT. she loves you. now leave me alone.“