I desperately need shoryo x hoarder alex headcanons I'm not even being dramatic I'm gonna die if you don't write them aaaaaa😭
// Desc: THANK YOU. This being my first ever request is such an honor, these two are literally the cutest. Shoryo needs way more love than how much she’s getting right now, she’s such a beatiful lady. And Alex is a nasty bitch but what else is new? So kudos for requesting this!! OR REQUESTING ANYTHING FOR THAT MATTER YOURE AWESOMEEE— alrighty, on with the headcanons!! \\
⸝⸝.ᐟ⋆ 💢 Hoarder Alex x Shoryo Romantic Headcanons 🌊 ⸝⸝.ᐟ⋆
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It all started when Alex found a new piece into his hoard. It had ogling eyes, dragged blood everywhere he would bring it and squeaked like a mantis, not his proudest treasure. It also proved to be way harder to keep in one place than it seemed. Everyone saw it, some might’ve laughed, some might’ve pitied the poor man chasing a baby all around Square Seal House, yelling “WHEN I CATCH YOU, YOU’LL BE FLAYED, RAGAZZACCIO, YOU HEAR ME?! FLAYED!” The baby only stopped when it spotted a familiar face, its’ representative. Imagine Shoryo’s shock when a pottymouthed young man was chasing down her dessert. What a meet-cute.
Their relationship can be summed up as — stressed out and quite hungry single mother and step dad with way too many court cases filed…mostly against him.
Shoryo, despite not wanting to admit it, was afraid of commitment. Just the thought of having to boss around her food pets babies representatives and also having an obnoxious pack rat of a boyfriend. But Alex tries his best to make it worth her while.
Alex often junk dives to find something pretty for Shoryo, the beloved lady tends to play hard to get on accepting such gifts, the interaction ending curt with “Begone thrall! Substandard present!” Shoryo does end up making use of the things Alex brings him, to his great pleasure.
Alex really was head over heels for Shoryo, what a woman. He didn’t even notice when his beloved lady was munching down on her babies.
These two have one thing in common for sure, which is needlessly big gestures. If you have some business around Lonely Door, you’ll definetely hear them yelling about. Fear not, they’re not arguing nor are they having a fight to death, they’re probably just deciding what to have for dinner tomorrow.
Once, while Shoryo was cleaning blood stains from a rug — and having a field day with badmouthing her babies for dragging their filthy blood everywhere — Alex listened in, while resting his chin on one of Shoryo’s wooden legs. This was far from new, Shoryo deep down had to admit, it was nice having somebody listen in on the burdensome weight and problems childcare brought over her head. However, as soon as she was finished with scrubbing the rug, Shoryo noticed Alex sleeping soundly on her knee. Instinctively, she wanted to kick him off and scold him for such imbecilic behaviour — yet ended up simply placing her hoof on the top of his head. She’ll overlook it this time.
While Shoryo, being the respected mistress she deserves to be, demands respect from everybody around her, she does raise an eyebrow on how far Alex bears to go to accommodate her wants. This man would not only drop his jumper into the mud so that his beautiful empress of a lady can walk through, oh no. He would lay into it for Shoryo as a path.
Shoryo enjoys feeling clean, taking long baths, red manicure on her hooves and freshly applied lipstick. When it comes to her boyfriend, the same cannot exactly be said — Alex is quite the grubby guy. Shoryo sometimes feels gracious enough to remind him of personal hygene though, leaving notes by his bridge with pearly letters reading “TAKE A SHOWER, RUFFIAN.”
Alex has an ego bigger than the Sun, but with that — said ego is as fragile as it can get. With Shoryo’s upmost gracious honesty, she can make her insults too prickly sometimes, like an entire chandelier, a whole stack of football cards AND a Miniature Stellar Black Hole™ all in one place?! He needs to organize his trash this instant, that muttonhead!
To avoid being much so improper in public, instead of a passionate kiss the Italian would have his face steaming surely, Shoryo lets Alex softly bump his droopy nose onto her wooden face. Like an eskimo kiss. She does have to lean down slightly though.
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I hope you folks liked it, it’s not an everday thing to write for such an (YET ) obscure pair like these two, but I really enjoyed it!! Don’t forget, my requests are open for anything ENA, but mostly Hoarder Alex related, so keep them coming!!! And also bonus meme art, because I have to admit, they are cute as fuck: