#shortpeeks

I wasn't really sure what my focal point for the site would be leading into the spring, but as I've fully embraced my womanhood within the past year, I'm having a hard time toning down my personality down and won't anymore. I can personally attest to the many starts and stops I've had all in the name of imaginary rules about what women should expect in relationships and what was expected of me as a woman. These imaginary rules had me in boxes that weren't suited for my spiritual and creative destinies.  I'm free of those constraints now and want the same for other women. For my spring excerpts you will find imagery of feminine energy that combat suppression. Women that are seen & HEARD.

Many of our realities (women) have been shaped by forced ideas that men and/or society have in regards to relationships. So women find themselves adjusting their schedules, interests, and in some cases re-defining their whole identities for relationships or men's approval. There are women out here with std's given to them by husbands. And I'm not blaming them for their fates but pointing out that the wholesome woman image does not always work in our favor. Many times these same women knew these men were dogs when they walked down the aisle but desperately held on to the Prince Charming fantasy. We bind ourselves in the facades we create ourselves. We take on last names, obsess over looks, halt careers, and attend shit we're not interested in all in the name of being decent wives or girlfriends, or to simply avoid being single.

I'm not suggesting stray from relationships but to avoid anything that might halt your wants and personal progress in the name of societal rules that can't come with you when you leave this realm. In 2017, feminine energy on earth is at an all time high. Like Kid Cudi says "women are quicker with this type of shit, we know". Yes, men are aware of the intuitive knowing that we have. Why continue to pretend like we don't what's up? Let's chase after what our own definitions of what success and "decent womanhood" are.

Not being into labels, I never found the term "feminist" as fitting. To me it's more about the rise of feminine energy. For a long time feminism wasn't something I saw as equally valuable for black women in particular because there are already so many factors that kept our family units from staying together. I viewed the movement as one that discouraged fully embracing feminine aspects such as motherhood or the concept of marriage. I noticed that there were some associations being made between the certain changes in family dynamics (single parenthood specifically) and the rise of black feminism.

Now with a better understanding of what feminism means for me, it's not just a term for women who are more adept to what's considered masculine traits by society. It isn't a bitter woman, anti-man dynamic. You can still be a "girly-girl". You can still have what's considered to be "domestic tendencies". And yes you can even still love men. There's no point in taking the "feminine" out of feminism. There are mothers and housewives that want the same rights for women as the corporate baddies out here holding things down on their own. We all want to end suppression of any kind. The point is restore balance. Unhealthy competition and aggression will invite more of what's considered the masculine traits that "feminism" tends to frown upon. We can see where lower emotions can take society, and that's why the powerful forces of feminine energy such as love, support, and nurture are necessary right now to save the planet. I don't want to touch on race too heavy but black feminist particularly will have to load up on the nurturing qualities. Our men historically have had several outside factors that kept hem separate from their families, and over time many have taken on the ideals about women they learned in this society. It's up to us to help them unlearn and re-learn how to treat us. Let's be the mature ones as we naturally are.

If we want the results of the divine feminine to heal and restore society let's end all the faux-rules. Let's quit judging women by their sexual lifestyles or styles of dress as a threat to women's empowerment. The sexually liberated are making a bold statement that their self worth is not defined by male supremacy. To call sexually liberated women "sluts" or "hoes" is just a sad indication of Stockholm syndrome. And on the other hand, let's stop judging those women who would prefer to be mothers and wives as a threat to women's empowerment. Mothers bring life whether they are single or not. Children grow into adults that will hopefully continue the steps being taken now for equality. Wives have the power to influence men for the greater good of all. All women possess this power. When we judge each other within this blossoming movement we take away it's power and value. And who decided what is or isn't feminism anyway? So called rules are why "feminism" exists in the first place. This is where labels and black and white definitions can come in as lesser forms of slavery. And that's not what we want, right ladies? Be seen & HEARD.

Peace,

It's finally getting cold and the tourists are fading out. They get on my nerves but they're the main ones that look out for me. If I'm lucky I can catch the remaining few near the bars before and after football games. Most locals tend to stare straight through my hollow shell, or whatever is left of it, but the special ones tell me to "get it together". I'm not sure which of these two types has more soul.

I typically spot the same young woman headed to work everyday around 4:30 pm. She knows who the hell I am but we both prefer to pretend we don't recognize each-other. She has money to give but doesn't waste it on me anymore. She used to toss over a little extra change when she had it on her, but she's a city girl now, and she's onto me. I don't even ask when I see her saunter the sticky sidewalks, playing dart with her eyes, blatant attempts to avoid eye contact with me. She's walked by me at least 400 times since I realized I can rack up the most coins on Pratt street since my descent into debauchery. I'm proud of her. I've swindled her over the years but it won't be happening anymore. I've helped her grow by allowing her to believe she was a good citizen for sharing her hard earned cash. And I did it by using drugs. And by using other people like her. Not by purchasing water, food, or doing anything to better myself. Na. She never would've toughened up that way. She had to see for herself that I was liar. So I continued to ask for money when I saw her, until she became sickened by the sight of me. I don't know what I look like anymore but I feel rattier and dirtier both inside and out and she's noticed.

At first whenever she left the 711 near the train stop, she struggled not toshare her spare change. That ended when she figured out I had designated post up areas. I started to feel her judgment piercing me when she was anywhere within eyesight.

"Yeah that's right girl. I'm at work, I work just like you".

But I never had any intentions of bettering myself with my work, my addiction is in charge. But even after the shared funds quit flowing, she still felt obligated to acknowledge me as a human, which I regret to say I no longer am. Being able to stand up straight is the only triumph I have over my fellow zombies. I'm younger than most of them, a plus for me when it's time to pan handle. People tend to hold tight to the false hope that I can turn it around. One day she caught me accepting money, yet turning down food from a couple of preteen girls. Her kindness towards me left permanently that day. It was the first time she didn't respond when I feigned a cry for help.

Derived from a prompt. Create a character and explain their life leading up til now.

Derived from a prompt. Create a character and put them in a situation. I've always felt awkward in my own body. My legs are super long, and my torso not so much. I've got a mini fro, and acne scars that lay on my copper face and attack myself esteem. I wish my melon shaped eyes weren't so close together. At thirty, I resemble that of a twenty three year old, but without the excitement of the future. Sheila finds me handsome in spite of. Still surprises me as much as it did when we first started dating my last semester in college. I can't believe she wants to marry me. I somehow squiggled my way into love. It was foreign but needed. I laid on Sheila's fuchsia blankets pretending to sleep. Her parents kept her old room the same way it was in her high school years. It had all the pleasantries a teenage princess would need. My room during the teens mirrored a carpeted jail cell, with one window, covered by stained mustard curtains. A place to breed the future criminal that I  never became. Can’t say the same of my former neighbors. Our upbringings never mattered until now. I was sweaty and nervous. I couldn't tell if every knock I heard was another relative at the door, or the beating of my own heart against my chest. “‘So tell us about yourself’ they'd say. Um, I’m an orphan, but I’ve got a degree and a job? No that wasn’t good enough. But what else could I say? There was nothing I could scrape up in time. They were ready to meet her knight and shining armor and he was nowhere to be found. Sheila must’ve told her parents a BS background story on me. Her parents were great so far. But I still had the others to worry about. Everything was perfect before the added pressure. Now I was enslaved by the fairy tale ideas of my own imagination. Don't know why I thought I could have Sheila to myself. I'd be marrying Sheila, and every relative there that came to celebrate our engagement. They were downstairs. I could hear the laughter of the rich taunting me. A coward. They all sounded so vibrant, witty, and refined like Sheila. Probably equal in the looks department too.  I felt their warmth rise through the vent and it burned. I just kept laying there, introverted, and uncomfortable. So unlike them. So unlike Sheila. A product of Philly slums, who managed to get a degree from Temple University. They'd never approve. Who was I kidding? I was an impostor. I’d try to warn her before it all bubbled over. But she was so sure, certain they’d accept me, trusting I had a future to provide. But I was broke. I had nothing but Sheila. I didn’t think I’d led her to believe I had anything more. Just my undivided attention, devotion, and debt I’d be out of later than we’d both liked to admit. Could her temporary heartbreak be worse than going through with it, and failing her later on? It’ll be easier for her to heal from this, than a failed husband. What can I really give to a woman that already has it all? "Kevin get up. Everyone's waiting for you." said the voice of an angel outside the door. "Are you really that tired?" "Yes."