⋆.˚𖦹⋆✮⋆.˚⋆.˚𖦹⋆✮⋆.˚⋆.˚𖦹⋆✮⋆Change⋆.˚𖦹⋆✮⋆.˚⋆.˚𖦹⋆✮⋆.˚⋆.˚𖦹⋆✮⋆.˚
A/N- I recommend the song Change by Big Thief.
It had led him into danger too many times to remember. Across planets and galaxies, walking the tightrope between freedom or death.
It had, eventually, led him to her.
After everything he had done, with all he had lost.
He stumbles onto the platform, the pain from his wound blurring the edges of his vision. The only thing in focus was Jyn, standing in front of Krennic, a man who had taken so much from each of them. Pulling the trigger had never been easier.
She rushes forward, stepping over his body, pulling the lever to transmit everything they had fought so hard for.
The robotic voice above sounded out like an angel.
“Transmitting…transmitting…”
Had he ever felt so conflicted before? To see her smiling at him, to know they had succeeded? To balance that with the worry that anything could go wrong?
She stumbles, limping, her eyes trained on him. Under his shirt, his wound pulsed painfully as he held the blaster on Krennic, and it wasn’t until she had reached him that he dropped his arm and took hold of her. Relief, evident on her face, dropped as quickly as it had come. Turning alight by her rage, she pushed forward towards the man who had taken her entire childhood from her. Everything she had ever craved. Her father, a home, stability. But he knew that whatever she could do in these final moments, it wouldn't quiet the pain within her, so he didn't let go. Instead, gripping tighter to her small wrist.
“Hey! Leave it, leave it!”
He pulled her near, watching as the emotions played out over her face. He had felt this pain before, knew how it could swallow you whole if you let it.
“That’s it, that's it. Let’s go.”
He hoped that above them, someone had received the plans. That this final fight for everything he had ever believed in did not go unnoticed.
“Do you think anybody's listening?” he asked, as they struggled to walk. Their arms wrapped around each other to balance their weight.
She grips his wrist firmly, holding him against her, as she trudges forward. He isn't even looking where he's going, though, only seeing her. She huffs, lips taunt in thought, and then smiles.
“I do… someone's out there.”
They reach the door, and it slides open with a beep.
Time slows as they lean against each other, their bodies supporting each other's weight. They had done it, and even if just for a moment, hope had won within him. The thrum of relief shared in the space between them, the weight of their connection. Is this what the force felt like? This pulling and pushing, alive in the very breaths he struggles to take? Gods, she is beautiful.
Does he have the time to think like this? Before dying, does he have enough time to admire her? Her green eyes, the crook of her nose, and the curl of her lashes.
Had he known, in some way, he would die like this? At the end of an unsanctioned mission, thoughts of rebellion on his mind. He had always let himself become involved, riding the ship until it crashed, like any pilot would. To say he was dragged along would be a disservice to every choice that had led him into this burning moment.
He thinks about the blaster scar on his shoulder and the force healer as her cryptic words glaze over his mind. Did he complete what he was supposed to? Did he carry enough? Atone for all the times he had been a coward?
They stare at each other as the elevator slowly takes them down, their noses only inches apart. She smells like blaster residue and sweat. Her lashes are wet with tears, and sparkling in her hair are small pieces of glass. As the mechanical doors slide open, the pieces catch the light like stardust.
He thinks of her father sadly, of his fond name for her. He wonders how she would’ve reacted to hearing the many nicknames Maarva gave him as a child. Does she drink? Talk in her sleep? He’d like to dance with her, in a darkened bar with lively music. Or maybe she'd like to sleep late and wake to the heavy rain he had become so accustomed to on Yavin. He thinks of how many parts of her he doesn’t know as they walk across the sand, dropping close enough to the water to hear the whisper of the waves.
The horizon is coming to greet them. A fiery wall devouring everything in its way.
Luthen was right, as much as it pains him to admit that. It was better to burn brightly than not at all. This would be a good show. Let the galaxy watch them burn, add their name to the long list of Imperial sacrifices. Kenari, Ferrix, Aldhani, Ghorman, Jedha. They would be remembered.
The sand is warm and soft under his palm. He struggles to take a breath in the thick air, heating by the second. With the sun hitting her, she looks like an angel. Her hair full of stars.
“Your father would've been proud of you, Jyn.”
He means it. It’s freeing not to tell a lie. To not have to worry about layers of information, interwoven into everything he says.
She smiles, weaving their fingers together.
The thrumming aligns. The doors open between their minds, and he can feel, suddenly in a familiar ancient way, that he knows her. That he has always known her. Like he has always known rain or sunshine. Didn't he laugh with her as a child? Cry with her, abandoned and alone again? When his mother was taken from him, wasn’t it her soul that coiled around his? He knew her now like a friend, a sister, a lover. He doesn't take his eyes off of her, scared to lose or waste a second of his final moments.
She reaches across to him, and finally, his arms have found their home around her shoulders.
Tucked against him, he speaks to her in Kenari, soft and firm.
“Eu itt estou vaquik… eu itt estou vaquik… ”
(“I am with you…I am with you…”)
His heart is beating so heavily he can feel it through her chest. The explosion is deafening now, and as he squeezes his eyes shut against her neck, he can feel the force humming around them.
He feels only a flash of the burning before everything is swallowed by the infinite.
⋆.˚𖦹⋆✮⋆.˚⋆.˚𖦹⋆✮⋆.˚⋆.˚𖦹⋆✮⋆.˚⋆.˚𖦹⋆✮⋆.˚⋆.˚𖦹⋆✮⋆.˚⋆.˚𖦹⋆✮⋆.˚⋆.˚𖦹⋆✮⋆.˚⋆.˚𖦹⋆✮⋆.˚
When Cassian opens his eyes, the beach is gone. The wall of fire is replaced by peaceful rain, and the air is breezy and cool. The hammock swings just like his own at the base. Yet, he knows instinctively that this isn’t Yavin, that everything that had occurred had already passed, and he was safe. He was remembered; he felt it in the force surrounding him. From behind him, a voice speaks from a doorway.
“Glad to see you’re awake, Kassa… You did so well, my little fox.”
Maarva’s voice was young, free of pain, and strong. And when he turned, he saw her, the woman he had only ever seen through a child's eyes. His mother, in her red dress, was smiling at the door of a home he hadn't seen in years.
Her last words to him, carried through Brasso, had been held tightly to his heart for years. And now… she was here, in front of him, arms wide.
“You carried on so well, Kassa, come inside for dinner.”
Laughter seeps out of the warm doorway, and without fear, Cassian entered knowing he would be home inside.
When people had spoken to him about death, he had never thrown in an opinion on what lay afterwards. Melshi didn’t believe in the force at all. Brasso thought they all reincarnated, swapping lives until everyone had felt every experience. But Bix had always believed in a heaven with no suffering.
Of course, she would be right. She always was.
Dinner was filling in a way it hadn't been in years, and the room was warm with body heat and laughter, his father clasping his shoulder firmly with pride over his many stories. His sister smiled beside him, her hand wrapped around his birth mother's. No longer was he alone over his meal; his grief had been left at the door like a heavy coat.
And when they had eaten their fill, he had rolled up his sleeves to wash each dish in the warm water. Each plate is like a prayer answered.
Gently, his mother ushered him off to the side and out a side door under the cover of the canopy, leaving the small house behind him. She smiled, soft tears rimming her eyes, and kissed his hand, slowly dropping it as he walked forward. There was no feeling of loneliness here, no thick barbed wire around his throat, no ache in his shoulder. As he walked, the sound of his family laughing guided him forward.
The rain pattered around him, the trees thickly lining the walkway, two moons shining brightly above. As the sound of home began to fade, he began to hear the sound of booming laughter rise.
Melshi was leaning back in his chair, the purple wine in his glass sloshing onto the floor, tiles sprayed across the table. Brasso turned from the corner, a cold bottle in his hand that he raised, winking at Cassian.
Around him, familiar faces, many he recognized from his last days. Individually, he made eye contact as he walked past the villa. Some smiled, others raised their glasses. He was looking for someone, and he knew that here, there was no rush. Later, he would challenge Melshi to a round of dominoes. He would drink amongst friends and reminisce about escapades gone by.
As his walk continued, he listened to the bugs sing around him, and the gentle rain slowed to a stop. The covered walkway ramped down onto a beach, and the purple sky above was covered in stars, none of which he recognized.
She would be here soon enough; all he had to do was walk, and when she was ready, like no time had passed at all, they would be together.
The sand under his toes was light and cool, and he slowed sometimes to pick up the beautiful shells hiding in the tide. He stopped to admire the waves as they curled into themselves and then released.
“Do you always wait for me?”
The voice behind him was hers, smooth and strong. His Jyn.
Here, the force was strong enough to see, like the bioluminescence of the waves or the magnetic fields of the sky, and he watched as soft colors danced around them as they gathered closer. Smiling as he responds.
“I think that I do… You seemed familiar before, but now… now I am certain. You are known to me.”
She is close enough now to press her forehead to his chest, feel the resonant beat of his heart.
“You are known to me, too, Cassian.”
Their souls were intertwined, an unknown number of lives prevailed before them, and in each, they orbited each other. The tension they had felt, the trust they had exchanged, it all made perfect sense now.
Wrapping his arms around her, he pressed his lips to her forehead. Letting himself truly hold her was like a balm to his soul. It allowed the pain of the beach, of their short lives, to wash over him like a wave, and then, with the pull of the force, leave him with a sense of understanding. In their next life, he would see her again, maybe even have more time; they were tied together. Forever balancing the forces around them. But for now, while they were here in this plane of in-between, he wanted to make up for lost time. He had known her soul for so long, but his mind, what he knew of her story, was strictly bound to his past life. They'd had such little time before. She speaks before he can form a sentence.
He laughs. Laughs until tears fall down his face, and are gently brushed aside by her soft hands.
“I have missed you, too, Stardust.”
Until they are returned to the wheel of life again, they talk, and sleep, and listen.
Just as they have in between every life before.
He discovers how she got the small scar across her forehead (she had gotten into a bar fight at 17, had her face slammed against the table). That she loves to dance, but doesn't know how. He reveals what life was like in the prison on Narkina 5. What his favorite food is (Kaadu skewers).
The time spent moves infinitely fast, but only feels as long as they wish it.
Friends, family, enemies, and lovers. Cassian knows now how the strings of force connect them all. And as he lies next to her, he hopes for many things.
He hopes to have more time with her in his next life.
He hopes that Jyn's father will get the chance to see his daughter grow up.
He hopes he will live in an age of peace, and that if he must fight again, that Jyn would stand beside him.
The list continues as he drifts to sleep.
Heaven's plane is a force-filled cocoon, a rest for the soul's journey in between. What happens in a second will continue into an eternity. All that is, has been, and will be.
The wheel will turn, different souls in different skins, struggles rehashed until every lesson is learned and balance is achieved.
Heaven for Cassian is his mother's library, his father's presence, and his friends gathered in laughter over drinks and games that last through the night.
Heaven is Jyn’s warm embrace and casual conversation, the answers to every question freely given. It's the force, balanced and welcoming, for everyone to enjoy.
⋆.˚𖦹⋆✮⋆.˚⋆.˚𖦹⋆✮⋆.˚⋆.˚𖦹⋆✮⋆.˚⋆.˚𖦹⋆✮⋆.˚⋆.˚𖦹⋆✮⋆.˚⋆.˚𖦹⋆✮⋆.˚⋆.˚𖦹⋆✮⋆.˚⋆.˚𖦹⋆✮⋆.˚
AN- Hi! I am incredibly depressed about not being able to watch Andor anymore, and I'm having a resurgence of the JynCassian ship, so this is that.
For the moments I wanted Cassian to speak Kenari, I just kind of made it up, I couldn't find anything that helped me with direct translations, so after some research, I found out Kenari is a blend of Portuguese, Spanish, and Hungarian (Magyar). Just kinda blended phrases with that in mind.
This is my first fic, so please don't burn me at the stake, I just want them to have some peace and happiness after all he sacrificed.
