#shitthoughts

So I started the lavenderhoneyyy blog with the intention of updating it frequently and obviously that didnt end up happening so heres an update on all the shit that's happened since november.

My person and I have been off and on this whole time. Pretty much my fault lmao.

My dad died January 14th

I quit my job at boxcar

Worked at a call center for a min

And am now at firehouse subs

Went to the Orlando hair show, it was pretty amazing

I'm trying to pick myself back up. I fell far down. But hey the first step is realizing right? I've been depressed, suicidal, on drugs, not taking my medication properly. Ruined things with people I loved.

the most beautiful thoughts are always besides the darkest

you'd only care enough to kill somebody you love

just say it out loud to see how it feels

weigh all the options, nothing's off the table

I think this is the part where I'm supposed to say something good

I really didn’t expect much from this album. I thought he will go full on politics like he did in the single tracks, he seemed to be in that mood lately. But man... why didn’t I learn yet that you can never predict what kanye is gonna do?

The song that hits home the most for me was this one, it’s the first song. When I listened to the album for the first time, I had tears in my eyes after 30s. He says out loud the things that I want to hear someone finally say, and it makes me feel so good and bad at the same time. His words are comfortng, but they also confront you with what really sits deep down in your head. He brings out the realness. Also that sound that stands out the most reminds me of that one game on nintendo I played all the time when I was a kid and that also adds a lot to the whole song.

And the saddest thing here is that the members are really trying to get a powerful message across, the whole concept of love yourself has some strong meaning to it, but it gets ignored and the fans focus only on streaming and breaking records. BTS already made history, and I don’t think that they care as much about breaking even more records at this point as they do about influencing other people with their music and making an impact on the world. But they won’t say a thing because they simply can’t, they have to keep the business going. Of course you can disagree with that and keep streaming, but calling out other people for not doing the same thing is just insane (yes I’m referencing to some admins of allforbts being bullied out of the blog).