Feb 3, 2025
oh nooo i stayed up late . do you think theyre going to kill me
#i know 1am is not that late in the scheme of my life but everytime anything like this happens i start getting scared its the start of#getting bad again and i dont want itttt. i just got my sleep schedule back on track like a week ago and im still trying to fix all the other#shit ...#its okay though im going to win this one i wonttt let my brain freak out abt it and keep me up longer. im going to lay down and go to sleep#and im going to stop imagining i can feel the pop burning me alive from the inside out <- i hate my shit idiot brain making shit up#the one thats rly been killing me is whenever i eat i. ummmmm.#dental tw#?#a2t#gross tw#? hopefully that covers me im SO sorry. but when i eat ive been feeling my teeth falling out and like chewing it feels like im chewing up my#my teeth and its sooo fucking annoying bc that only happened that one time youd think id be over it but nopeee. i thought it was just a high#fluke bc i ate likee. basically lunchables (ham cheddar) + salami and then i ate a bunch of cheesecake bc i was worried itd go bad but i#feel guilty bc there were exactly enough slices for everybody to try each flavor andni had already tried each flavor but i ate them bc its#been like. 2 weeks since anybody touched it but now im actually really very terrified that everyone was going to eat it tomorrow or#something and ive ruined everything#.closes my eyes and sniffles. whatever#but anyways yeah. so the teeth thing. i thought it was afluke and then this morning i was eating chocolate rice cake + peanut butter +#mashed up banana (food of the gods) and it was back. i think its tied to crunchy thats why it was happening with the crackers but not the#cheesecake. one assumes. but i also dont remember it mightve been there for the cheesecake. or the jello... i was out of it#anywaysss. i dont appreciate it . i wish my head would stop imagining scary things happening to my body#like its been happening for ages but its gotten so much worse these past couple of months since my big episode. and i know what were all#thinking perhaps less weed would cause less sorrow ? or however that post goes#but like idt its that related rly. yes i have more trouble ignoring them while high and its a bit distressing but not enough to like#stop. DJFNFJFNGNNGG. like 90% of the time i can grit my teeth an bare it and the other 10% ive learned to just stay in my room until it#stops so they dont get worried. the annoying thing is that its not confined to weed tho even right now i can feel something poking my lung.#all sucks. but its whatever and we move
