#shefoundpeace

Rick listened to her words carefully and as always he lost himself in the sound of her voice which was providing so much more emotions than most people did. Of course he was used to interrogating criminals, people who were used to lie and hide the truth behind shady actions or gestures, but Natalie had never been that kind of girl. She was always honest. Sometimes even too honest that it provoked big fights when she used to live here due to her stubborn mind, but on the other hand it made her raw and pure and it always showed Rick something he deeply admired, even envied about her. Even if he had been some kind of guardian for her and should be the grown up, it was her saving his lonely nights by her simple presence when his fights with Lori started. In that point he wished he could be like her and sometimes he thought he learnt more from her than she could ever be grateful about.

Rick only gave her a place to stay and reassurance, but she gave him so much comfort and made him feel seen, as if he really was worth something in this world and he never forgot that. In fact he felt seen now again, seen in a way he didn’t feel like in a long time as their eyes met and she crawled closer. Somehow he wished he could tell her how much she actually kept him alive the last years, but it felt like the wrong moment when she was in a place of need here. For now he only wanted to focus on her, on her needs and not his own.

“You deserve all of this, Nat. You worked so hard and came so far all on your own. You didn’t need us for this, you did this all on your own and that’s maybe why I didn’t think to see you here again... but I’m glad you are.” And more than that, since he felt a certain kind of warmth raising in his chest he couldn’t read properly yet. “I get that, trust me. Being around you has always felt the most natural for me too.” In the past this kind of natural was something Rick preferred to describe as “family”, but he realized pretty soon that she had always been more than just that. More than he should probably feel and made him somehow insecure about what to do next, but it was her coming closer with that sweet scent radiating from her hair, a smell he missed for too long and could easily make him drown into dreams he shouldn’t have, so he pushed it away for now and wrapped one arm around her to pull the back of her against his chest, so she would more or less lay in his arms but look up to him, while he tried to focus on the glass in his hand.

That’s the way I love you from here

It felt like hours laying here and staring at the girl next to him cuddled into the sheets which barely covered her chest. Ricks fingers kept running through her hair wordlessly, just staring and hoping she wouldn’t awake while he got lost in his thoughts. How could it come that far? How often did he have her fall asleep in his arms in the past and never looked at her like right now. Full of admiration and need. When did the tables turn and he started to see something different in her? A woman he felt attracted to. A woman he wanted to devour and kiss the whole night and day.

It still felt wrong to desire her, to feel aroused whenever he woke up to her what made him always sneak out first and still he couldn’t stop it. Couldn’t deny the fact that this is how they lived now. But for how long?

As her eyes opened and she started to speak, Rick stopped the movement of his hand on her cheek, caressing her skin with his thumb as he smiled gently. “Is that so? I remember you hated me in the past for waking you for school.” With a chuckle he leaned in closer, already freshly showered and covered in his boxers since he was about to leave for work. Nevertheless he placed himself above her, only the blanket between them as he kissed her forehead and nudged his head against hers. “I gotta admit it’s not that bad of a sight in the morning for me either. But while you can stay safe and sound in these sheets, I’m gonna head out for work now sweetheart. So just stay in bed for as long as you like, alright?” Another careful kiss to her cheek followed before he sat up to turn away, still feeling insecure about how he should wake with her in the morning cause he couldn’t allow himself to treat this like any relationship before. This was different. And probably shouldn’t be.

Nothing but vulnerable from here

“Maybe you don’t.” Rick replied with his eyes focused on Natalie’s quivering lips, knowing that she was feeling the same pain he went through the last nights as he thought about how to word this. Only that this was his fault, his alone. She suffered cause of him and that was even harder to bear than any sleepless night before could ever be. The only thing that was even worse were the words he chose next, cause they were a damn lie straight to her face to protect her, even if he killed himself with it. “But I do.” He didn’t. And that’s why he couldn’t look into her eyes as he turnt away to leave the kitchen where they had escaped to while Lori was outside in the garden to take care of their guests of their birthday party.

“I should go outside again.” he mumbled as he crossed her, his hand reaching out for her wrist to touch her one last time before he left. “Please Nat. Don’t cry. Not for me, it’s not worth it. And I’m still... here. Just not... like that.”

Angst and post angst sentences from here

“And you’re not?” Rick asked with his brows furrowed at the strange lady now looking back after her “husband” who had just left Ricks living room. It seemed that there was more to come from her as she slipped a note into his pocket and rushed out of the door, leaving the leader behind in doubts.

“What is this?” Michonne asked and reached out for the note to read it first. “She wants to meet you?”

With a scoff Rick grabbed the note back from Michonnes hand and slipped it back to his jacket, this time to his inner pocket. “I’ll see what she has to say.” he mumbled and wanted to leave as Michonne pulled him back.

“It could be a trap, Rick.” For a moment their eyes met and even if he appreciated her concerns, this was still his decision if he should still be their leader.

“We don’t know that. But right now she’s my best chance to find out more.” For Michonne this lady was probably his best chance to get laid but luckily she didn’t mention that, even if her eyes told enough.

Angrily he pulled his wrist away from her hand, but her frown proved that she definitely still didn’t agree. She noticed the way these two were looking at each other since the face off in the woods. She knew that girl could mean trouble for her idealistic romance she painted in her head, something Rick never planned to have with her. “What? You’re gonna exhort me now like a jealous wife just because she’s pretty? She’s Negans wife, I would be nuts to get involved with her. Calm down, Chonne. You don’t own me. And if it’s a trap, I’ll deal with it.”

===

It wasn’t a trap, but that didn’t hold back Michonne from sneaking after him secretly just to be sure.

Rick didn’t notice her as he entered the cabin close to one of their watch points and closed the door behind him, whispering a careful “Natalie? You here?”

Pregnancy prompts pt.1 from here

“What?” Immediately Ricks eyes went up after Natalie’s words that caused a twist to his stomach. She must have been joking, teasing him to see his reaction and get back the attention he tried to deny her. Too often they had the discussion about their relationship, too often he doubted how right this thing between them was and still he wasn’t able to hold himself back in the nights she stood in front of his door.

Usually Rick was a responsible man, righteous in his morals. But whenever he looked into Natalie’s eyes and hold her close, every rule and question vanished. Sometimes he felt so overrun by the passion connecting them that he didn’t think twice about the consequences their intimacy could bring and so there was a high possibility that she indeed was pregnant. But how could miss such an important thing?

“Are... Are you sure?” His throat felt dry as he turnt around to look at her, her chin hanging low and revealing she was indeed serious. “Nat... hey look at me.” Carefully he stepped closer, lacing a pair of their hands while his free one reached out for her stomach to slide over her shirt with his flat palm. “How long do you know? You sure it’s mine?” It was probably a painful question when he doubted her like this, but some part of him just needed to be sure after he knew how her sex life was before she came back and since he was always convinced someone like her would never be satisfied with an older man like him.

Jealousyish sentences from here

“What? Are you fucking kidding me?” Rick growled, his hands still tightening around the sill of the window to not follow the urge to touch her. All of this was a fucking mess and he needed to stay away from her. He was able to do it for so long, so many times, but whenever she was standing right in front of him, asking him these painful questions with tears in her eyes and demanding an answer, it felt like dying in slow motion. Like she loved to torture him.

“Fuck, you know it’s not fake. It never could be, Nat.” Even if he wouldn’t love her as much as he did, she would always stay part of his family and this fact alone would make his love always more real than anything else. But it was also the reason why he couldn’t go through with this, it just didn’t feel right. Nevertheless no matter how much he hold onto the sill and squinted his eyes to not look at her, Natalie didn’t give up and forced him to face her with her hand on his cheek, making her touch feel like fire.

“Please... Natalie.” One part in him wanted her to stop, but another knew he owed the truth to her, even if every word hurt. “You should know I love you. You have no fucking idea how much I love you.” he admitted and wrapped one arm around her waist, while his free hand hold onto hers. “You have no fucking idea how much I think about you. About this. About us.” With every word he nudged against her hand, before resting their foreheads against each other and inhaling her scent. “Fuck Nat, all I do is for you and the only reason I stay away is to protect you. You have no idea that this hurts me the most. It’s the hardest thing I ever did.”

Kiss symbols from here

“You shouldn’t be here.” Rick spat out, one hand holding onto the sill of the window in the kitchen, his fingers sliding over his eyes where he tried to rub away his blurred sight which could never work.

This party was nothing she should join with Negan and her just a few houses next to them. It was a surprise that her husband even allowed them to celebrate Carl’s birthday, but he probably just had a weak spot for kids . It was awkward enough that he came over “for the cake” earlier, trying to present himself as the perfect host of a party that wasn’t his and maybe even to shove his relationship with Natalie in his face.

Rick hated it. He hated it even more after he laid his eyes on her and with everything he had he just prayed she wouldn’t come over this night since Rick just planned on drinking the thoughts away. And here she was. Goddammit.

Natalie didn’t listen to his words and approached him, mumbling soft words that sounded like sweet promises. “I missed you. Don’t send me away.” It echoed in his ears but still he didn’t dare to touch her, just tightening his hand around the sill and keeping his eyes closed so he couldn’t look at her. But Natalie was clever, she knew how weak he could become and just leaned into him, nudging her face lovingly against him until he couldn’t take it anymore and grabbed her hair to pull her against his lips, kissing her deeply with his tongue sliding into her mouth. Every reasoning was blown away from the alcohol, everything he felt were his hips pressing against hers in pure desire. But they were right at the window and what if Negan would see them like this?

Just after humming over the taste of her he bit her lower lip to stop moving forward, his hand on her hip squeezing her skin to force her to get back.

“Don’t. We shouldn’t do this, not here. Not now. You should go, I don’t know what I’m doing.” Yes, he was taking risks he usually would never consider and slid his hand loving along her cheek to calm her before he pulled away. “Please, Nat. You gotta need to get back to him, I don’t want him to hurt you.”

Sexual Sentences from here

“What a question.” Rick mumbled in his sleep drunken voice and reached out with his hand to grab Natalie’s wrist, to pull her on the bed with him.

There had been a discussion between the Saviors and Ricks group in the Sanctuary and Rick had agreed with Jesus and Michonne to stay the night after Negan had stayed so many times in Alexandria. He didn’t know if it was a good sign for Negan to invite them for discussions and offering them a place to sleep, but it was definitely obvious that any kind of intimacy with Natalie would be even worse in the castle of their biggest enemy. Her husband.

Rick promised himself to keep his distance, which he did during the day, but now she came into his small room, standing there with an innocent glare as if it was a good idea. It wasn’t, but Rick couldn’t help the desire to feel her whenever she was this close.

“I want you. I want you so bad. I want to do every fucking naughty thing to you. But Nat, not here. Not now. He will kill the both of us if he finds out and we just managed to finally talk instead of just shooting at each other. We can’t risk that.” His voice was low, too scared of being caught while his hands ran along her face to admire her beauty. “You shouldn’t be here.” he whispered, his eyes shifting to the door which she closed but still could be easily opened anytime. “You... should go back. You can’t sleep here.” With a gentle smile he gestured at the small bed, reminding him of the old prison beds. And even if he knew she should leave as fast as she could, he wrapped his arms around her waist to pull her on his lap under the blanket.

“I just dreamt of you.” he admitted, tugging on the blanket to make her sit on his covered bulge, that now pressed against her crotch. “I wanted to touch you, the whole day.” Dizziness was making him weak, the arousal between his legs driving him insane and not allowing him to let go of her. He hated the moments when she stood next to Negan as he showed them around. Rick wanted to reach out for her, pull her away from him and run away to the next shelter. But his own needs could never be more important than his family and this was the only reason why he fought against himself the whole day.

“Did he touch you? Tell me he didn’t touch you while I wasn’t here.” He moved up to reach her face, nudging against her to inhale the sweet scent radiating from her warm skin. “You smell so good.” She always did, as if the apocalypse never took its tole on her when in fact it was probably just from the privileges she had as a wife of Negan and he hated nothing more than that. She was safe by Negans side, safe when it came to casual needs like food, health and showers and still he wanted nothing more than to take her away from him, even if he couldn’t provide her the same luxury she had here.

“Why did you have to come? Why are you doing this to me?”