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This Indian life by Shoba Narayan: How to deal with family members who seem intolerant about issues you support

Don’t shut out the hypocrites and bigots in your family. Engage with them instead. You may be surprised.

BRUNCH Updated: Jan 04, 2020 22:34 IST

Shoba Narayan Hindustan Times

Relatives, who seem to be bigots and hypocrites, can often put you off guard(Photo imaging: Parth Garg)

In the heart of the verdant valley located on the North, there lies a humble abode of a family. Along with other homes in the village, they live a simple life. They accustomed their selves with the green hues of trees, abundant rice fields and ever clean breathing air. They also practice the spirit of bayanihan and love how the villagers treat each other.

This story is about an intrinsic experience of an individual who live in that village. Her family is ordinary, what ordinary may however be deviant to others. A family, a microcosm of the society, is composed of a father, mother and their children. In the Filipino setting, even their grandparents or relatives live with them, a setting known to be an extended family. In her case, her grandparents once lived with them or until now. Her grandfather passed away three years ago. Her father does not live with them. Some of her siblings study in other cities so she is left with her elder sister, her mom and her grandma. This has been quite the setting in the past years. Being the youngest, she still lives with them and sooner will acquire their house.

She is the apple of the eye of the family. Not necessary that what she wants, she gets. Her family is just able to provide her needs. She may not have the best of the world but she has what she needs. The rule of thumb is be contented with what you have. Her parents taught her to live within her means. Sometimes, being the youngest has its good sides. When she cries because of she wants something, she gets it. Her mom has a soft side that gives way on her crying spree. She enjoys being the last born. Her elder siblings almost do all the house hold chores. She developed somehow a different attitude towards labor. But as she grows up, she realized the importance of having a positive attitude towards work. Her industrious mother is her inspiration. On the other hand, she learned a lesson from her father about doing ones best in anything she does: whether it is in school, workplace or in their home.

The truth is she envies her eldest sister. She never got the attention of his father. Because of his father’s work, she does not have ample time to spend with her dad. She just savors every three-day vacation his father has. Spending time with him is quite difficult. Aside from the little time, other side trips may arise that would squeeze that little moment with him. She just thought that the love of his father will never fade. He works hard for them and soon, that right time will come.

Every year, every Filipino has a very special way of celebrating Christmas. Filipinos are known to be a festive race. But one thing that highlights this yuletide celebration is the wholeness of their family. They simply enjoy the moment because all the members are with each other to celebrate the event. There are more food in the table, laughter in the salas and giggles all over the house. Everyone has his present. But in her case, it was different. Her father is not with them during this season. It puzzles her every year why he does not go home every Christmas. She keeps on remembering the sweet moments, slim chances she can has with her father.

As another year changes, she hopes for another chance. When will be the time? When will be the first time they will share the dining table as a family on a Christmas eve? When will be the first?