#shahofthelands

So I am happy to clear a lot of things with Ryan up.

Ryan was effectively kidnapped from the set of La La Land (which was filmed in 2015, released in 2016) which is why he's dressed like Sebastian from the film. So Drive is the only film he would be familiar with (of the people present). Fall Guy, and the Gray Man both came out post 2020. So did Project Hail Mary so he wouldn't recognise who Grace is either. If Holland was there, Ryan would recognise him as The Nice Guys was filmed prior to La La Land. Fun facts.

Colt noticed no absence of Courtland for five years, because Ryan was there as Six, acting in his place. 'Six' wasn't there 100% of the time but he was there the most frequently, regularly checking in on Colt and laying down these weird new rules like no painkillers, no guests in the common areas, and maybe some others that I honeslty didn't think too much about so Ryan's assessment of Colt is 100% based in his own personal experience. Like I imagine more than once when 'Six' did something that pissed Colt off he tried to punch him to varying degrees of success.

It's true. Colt would happily throw hands but he's not on the same level of fighting/aggression as Driver or Court but he can take a hit, he has his healing, and he has survived a great many tragedies which you don't even know about yet. A line I'd love to work in sometime is that despite everything Colt always persists.

The pasta segment was the first thing I wrote and I refused to drop it because I feel like Colt's aversion and willingness to just toss the food aside was important.

Ryan has to have gotten a good, clear view of the Gosling he mimics because he can't copy what he can't see. The reason he can't copy Driver is because of Driver's perception shift, no one really gets a good look at him, even when they can see him. So with this I want to draw your attention to 2 things. 1) If Ryan knows this, it means he likely attempted to mimic Driver at one point and failed - and 2) Driver was visibly clear when Six came into the room meaning Ryan has now had a clear view of him, even if he doesn't realise.

Ryan's mimicry, like everybody's abilities, is boosted with each additional one of them.

1 additional Gosling in-universe - he can perfectly recreate any of them in any physical state (including clothes) that he's encountered. He can half-replicate their voice/tone/words, and a few simple mannerisms. It wouldn't fool someone who really truly knows the original but would pass for anyone not expecting to see him.

2 additional Goslings - Ryan can almost perfectly mimic words/voice/tone and more of the way they speak, act, and behave. More believable.

3 additional Goslings - Ryan can access important thoughts/feelings/motivations snapshotted from the last time he encountered said Gosling. Voice/tone/mannerisms are almost perfect.

4 additional Goslings - almost perfect mimicry to the point that he would be almost impossible to tell from the original

Since Ryan's ability is currently dependant on the others, he had no knowledge of what he could do and prior to his kidnap has never used it. This means he has the least experience of all of them with his ability (even less than Holland) and is incredibly susceptible to the main side effect which is the more 'in-character' Ryan gets the more he struggles to hold on to his own self and identity. If the development of his ability was a little more natural/gradual he would be able to easily draw a line between himself and who he's mimicking but given he's doing this under corecion, force, and threat of violence, he can't hold on to himself when he shifts.

Even if the number of Goslings goes down again, he can't get that connection back until he physically turns back into himself but the longer he's been someone else, the harder it is to remember who he actually is. He believes he's the person he's mimicing but can't match them right.

The person who kidnapped Ryan is someone he could very much mimic but this guy absolutely terrifies Ryan. The last thing he wants to do is go anywhere near his mind and manners and risk getting stuck as him. Like Ryan is half-convinced that if he ever mimics him, Ryan (mentally) would be no more, just overwhelmed and replaced by him.

"At least I hope I am" - yeah this is hinting to the fact that Ryan struggles to hold onto his sense of self when he shifts and while I don't have an exact timeline, Ryan's been Six non-stop since before the start of the fic and more than once been around 3 or more of the others kind of cementing him in this mindset of being Six, and no remembering who he actually is. It's been so long he's not even sure who he is right now. He is Ryan, he's just not been Ryan in probably months from his perspective.

Yeah I really struggled with that line but that's basically Colt acknowledging like 'I notice you turned into me, you know the guy who can heal from any injury when you were threatened with a gun. Does this mean you can mimic our abilities too?' - and it was. Turning into Colt was very much an immediate instinct of I'm in danger that coincided with the precise moment he saw Court and remembered, shit that's not me, so he shifted into Colt as like a safety instinct. Kind of like a flinch. But also, Colt is very much a comfort mimic for him. He likes being Colt, and it's kind of hard to explain why though I hope to explore it in the future.

Shooting Colt was an accident. Ryan's intention had been to point it and vaguely threaten Colt but not to actually use it. The problem was Ryan had never handled an actual gun before and it went off. And in that moment his brain kind of tripped and that moment when 'Six' looked shocked was actually Ryan kind of breaking through. If there hadn't have been 3 others in-universe (Driver, Grace, Colt) he would probably have 'woken up' there and then but he didn't. Ryan kind of remembers the shooting, but he really remembers the moment immediately after and the horror on Colt's face before he kind of got swept back into the mimicry.

Driver doesn't have an immediate emotional investment into the situation. He's the calmest, the most emotionally centered one of many of the Goslings and him being the mediator is just such a thing I love for him. Like he is so violent in his film, but only when he has to be, otherwise he's soft spoken and caring and so gentle and I need need neeeeeed that for him in this fic because there's so much potential character crossover with some of these characters.

Colt's thing with 'Six' shooting him is drawn from one of the favourite things I've learned over the last year or so especially regarding traumatising things (especially in terms of like horrific 'pranks' that ruined people's lives) - it doesn't matter if it wasn't real, your body remembers it like it was.

For Court in this moment, Colt is the priority because even without all the information he can tell that this isn't the kid he saw 12 months ago (for Court). Like Colt is his 'little brother' and all he wants is for Colt to be okay which means focusing on him with all of this because Ryan isn't going anywhere. Colt is the focus.

Those three points were very early points that I've been repeating to myself over and over to make sure I got the phrasing right because it was key to showing the difference between Court and Six. Like Six (running off a very outdated snapshot from when Ryan last saw him) would have probably dismissed Colt and told him to grow up or something, but to Court it's important that Colt understand every angle from which this is not true. A way for Colt to hold on to the actual truth. Though reading it now with your thoughts it does give a very chekov's gun kind of vibe

So I really wanted to demonstrate the main point of the clocks. Well maybe not the reason they were made, but the way in which everybody uses them now. It's partly so they can track themselves and each other, but it's mostly so they can track Colt because they all miss so much of his life. Like the others will show Colt their clocks when they visit (except Ken since he's not human and time doesn't work normal in his world) but it's about tracking Colt's and doing what they can to give him support.

After seeing he was 37 the day that Grace left, there's been one single question on his mind that he hasn't dared to ask and if Ryan had said it aloud not even Court could have protected him. What did Grace's clock say? That's why he didn't want to show his clock. It was nothing about showing Court how old he is, and everything to do with he didn't want to see how long it's been since Grace was here and remembering that whatever Grace's clock had said when he left (which Colt doesn't even know anyway) there's no way their clocks can posssibly match up now. Which Colt has been low-key obsessed with ever since they first saw it.

Five years for Colt, 1 year for Court, Maybe just under 6 months for Driver.

'ok that's definitely not the person who threw grace through the portal...' - O-O are you so sure?

play their part? maybe not. Play the part the Stranger wants them to play? maybe so

There is no timeline fuckery here. This is all linear. Though I will say you have previously predicted half of this explanation but I can't tell you any more than that.

I've always felt like characters who can heal from almost anything are done an injustice in how they're typically protrayed. Like yes they're shown to have a 'bad' disregard for their own safety, but it's almost always shown/described to be bad because of how it hurts other people. It's not that they shouldn't be doing it because they shouldn't be in a position where they feel that way, it's about how seeing them like that is so bad for the other character and you (healing character) should care what they (other character) think of you. And then almost immediately the behaviour is corrected and not an issue anymore. No one ever explores what the behaviour looks like when there's not an audience (other than the reader). Where the reckless behaviour isn't because it is better than someone else getting hurt, but because that's how they've learned to navigate the world. It's not a conscious choice, it's a learned behaviour, an instinct almost as innate as breathing. And even if it were called out (which it will be at some point) it's not just magically undone. It's not a trope, it's a symptom of something much deeper that goes hand in hand with the healing ability.

I mean think about it. Pain is a signal to the body that something is wrong. Something's not working the way it should but the same way as someone might ignore their check engine light when it constantly goes off but actually no everything is good learns to ignore it, even though it activating isn't a good thing, Colt has been kind of unintentionally trained to just ignore and dismiss his own pain.

Grace is going to be very pissed. He feels like he's the only one who can see what this shit is doing to Colt but it's not been a big deal up to this point. He's been able to kind of pick up the slack, making food when Colt wouldn't, introducing him to Rocky to give him something to get up and around for but he knows he's been gone a while. None of the others will meet Colt where he is, none of them will see it because Colt will hide it from them. And then there's what happens in the next chapter which is going to really piss him off. It's not even that Colt is putting Grace above himself, it's that Colt isn't considering himself at all.

To this point, Colt and Murdock's encounters have been 98% sexual hook-ups, with 2% casual conversation. Murdock is the dom, Colt is the sub, they very much indulge each other but there's been very little interaction beyond that. It's not that Murdock is cruel or mean, it's just that's not the kind of relationship they have despite Colt having been wanting to seek it. Murdock is a very guarded guy, he never allows himself to be vulnerable, taking charge and control of their hookups which Colt is more than okay with. Just seeing the softness and kindness in not-Murdock's face is weird and it scares him. Murdock is the only non-Clubhouse member person he knows and to see him in such different way is making him uncomfortble. Especially as he gets a chance to see something he kind of has wanted for a long time but Murdock has no interest in giving him. (Again not cruel, just not their dynamic)

Grace has had a single encounter with Murdock and is currently without his glasses. He honestly hasn't made the connection between them. Colt meanwhile, like he says, has bared his soul, mind, and body in front of Murdock too many times not to see it instantly.

yeah, Colt's depression hasn't come out of nowhere. It's been in the building all along. And it's affected him a lot but how can anyone see it when no one's ever there? It's just a constant self-fulfilling cycle.

Grace didn't actually ask Simon to do anything. Simon did it because that is the kind of guy he is. Is it partially motivated by his want to look out for Grace's friend? Very likely but it's because Simon is kind. The prisoner will need feeding, if I do it, I can speak with him, I can be certain it happened. He trust his own perception over anyone else's and within seconds of meeting Colt, he clocks exactly the kind of person Colt is. He's seen a hundred prisoners just like Colt, and it's why he immediately jumps to trying to force the water. Some people don't know what's good for them. But resources are still scarce and he can guess easily that any attempt with the food would be wasted.

Simon sees Colt and witnesses his behaviour for all of five seconds and decrees that these two are brothers. There is no protest either can give, no argument they can make. They are brothers. He knows it. They will not change his mind.

In Colt's mind Grace =/= brother. He would not make that connection unless Simon spelled it out as he did. Grace is the guy he wishes was his brother but isn't. He has to remind himself of that all the time because 'it's not for him'.

It's very obvious to Simon that Colt and Grace are not of Eden/COI and knows that the best way to keep whatever innocence they have is to get them back wherever the hell they came from. He is choosing to help them because that is the right thing to do.

Yeah Colt is going to regret not eating in a chapter or two. Along with a few other things. Also just for posterity's sake

Shah: OMG COLT YOU NEED CARBS!! YOUR BRAIN RUNS ON GLUCOSE!!

When Grace gets to finally fix the whole lack of food thing, he's not going to be kind about it.

Also I challenge you to re-read this chapter with the knowledge that at all times in the back of Colt's mind, he's aware that Ryland(451) may be watching him and waiting for him to do whatever it is that will allow him to pass this test.

I'm still on the fence of what I'm planning to do with bloodymary (whether I'm going romantic, sexual, or keeping it as a QPR) but I definitely plan for there to be a strong base friendship between the three of them where Simon calls the other two idiots completely seriously and on the regular but in a 'I can call them idiots because I'm family but you can't call them idiots because that would be mean'

I am starting to plan the talk/fight/argument/Grace screaming in Colt's face that will happen when this is all over and they are both 'safe' (for all of 2 seconds) and I hope I'm able to satisfy your need to see Colt held accountable.

Simon is kind, but he's also in an incredibly unsafe situation. He's in a cult, he has no way out and he has to survive so he has this mask. The mask is what the other members of Eden see. It's who he has to be in order to continue even when he has to do a lot of things he's not told Grace he's done. He can't face Grace because to this point, he's been able to be 'Simon' with him, and now they're in a situation where he's expected to be Father's favoured. He's worried, he's thinking in terms of his role in Eden, but also trying to consider Grace, and Colt, and how he is going to survive this. He's even considering the fact that he might not survive it.

I have not much to say to the end parts other than virtual cookies for you for figuring out about Filament Station. And while it may seem like Simon has a plan, he has half-a-plan and a half-prayer to the Tree that they'll succeed.

Colt's protectiveness - when he was younger (before he really knew about his Thing) it was just out of a fact that he doesn't like seeing other people hurt and/or in pain. Once he found out about his ability to heal it kind of cultivated this responsibility within him. Like he may hurt, but he will ALWAYS heal. HE can get better but others can get sicker and infected, or suffer life changing complications. Colt might suffer for a while but eventually he'll get better so it makes more sense for him to take it when he can. With how Six has been acting lately it's kind of getting pushed to the limit, Six pushing this 'you must keep the others safe' and Colt torn between not doing as he's told because Six is being an ass, and doing what he wants to do because of who he is

Colt dying - Colt has died before. One of them is off-limits due to spoilers, but the other was when he first found out about not being able to die which was really traumatic for him. Courtland was the one who was there for him that time which is why them not getting along doesn't make any sense to Driver. After that incident Colt and Courtland were closer than anything.

Abandonment issues - With one brief exception (spoilers), Colt has never been anyone's first priority. It's not that he doesn't matter, the others care deeply for Colt but they have connections in their own universes and while Colt is important, Colt would hate them if they were to let those go just to hold on to him. - Colt's dad was emotionally absent, and his mom was very loving and nuturing but Ryland was always their priority given he was a world reknowned figure from a very young age. Colt was often an afterthought who was rarely if ever prioritised by them, especially given they divorced after the Orpheus left Earth.

You may notice that when visits first happen, Colt is like an excitable puppy, very happy and boisterous and excited. Whenever someone appears he hugs them tight. He does everything to make the most of every visit but eventually he remembers there's a ticking clock on their time with him and that's when the anxiety sets in. Once it hits, he kind of wavers and struggles, not because he thinks he might be too much but because he knows that all too soon it'll be over. Colt's hope doesn't get up, he just ignores the impending loss until he can't ignore it any more.

Something in Colt's mind has kept him from hugging Grace, even after the attack at the club. There's something that tells him it isn't something he should do. He chalks it up to be Grace being an alternate form of Ryland and THAT relationship was very toxic so his brain isn't sure how to separate them out yet.

Colt will avoid sharing how much everything hurts him because he sees it as a moral failing. He's the guy who heals, who bounces back from everything. He is supposed to be the strong one. Physical injuries all heal but as a kind of balance, the emotional scars cut that much deeper. He doesn't feel safe opening up about how much everything hurts because then peoeple won't help him because they care, they'll do it because they pity him (or at least that's what he believes). So he lies. He tells the world (and himself) that he's fine because even if he isn't, what is he supposed to do? He has no family, he has no ties, he has no life. He's lost everything and it kills him a little inside. (minor spoiler here: this may or may not be entirely by someone else's design)

Colt and Murdock - Colt hasn't really had any kind of relationship ever since he moved into the Clubhouse, instead engaging in several one-night stands in his 20s and became a regular part of a local bdsm community. A mutual friend put Colt and Murdock into contact and after a few casual hookups, they became regular fuckbuddies when Colt was around 32/33.

Colt has a high level of endurance, heals easily, and a high level of moral masocism. Murdock is a touch averse sadist who's big on control, typically wearing gloves unless they're actively engaging and it kind of makes Colt feel like he's worth something that he's one of the only things Murdock consents to touching. They balance each other well.

They became more regular when one particularly drunken night spent together (clothes kept on but fun still had), Colt just kind of opened up, spilling everything about his life. Who he was, how he didn't fit, how he didn't matter, how he had no family, how there were other hims (including a kind of plea to not fuck anyone else who looked like him because that would be just too weird for him). And Murdock (for reasons that may or may not get fully explored in the future) kind of rolled with it. He had a few questions about it but didn't call Colt crazy or weird - almost like the concept of the multiverse was not entirely foreign to him.

It was on this night that Murdock programmed his number into Colt's phone with instructions to call him any time he wanted to have fun.

Colt has fallen hard for Murdock, which makes sense given how vulnerable and exposed he makes himself in their funtimes and it crushes Colt that Murdock doesn't feel the same way (or does he and he's just as emotionally constipated?), but he'd sooner die (and come back) of a broken heart than risk losing what they have.

Colt's depression - As I said, very much inspired/projected from my own feelings. Stemming from the fact that he's spent years doing things for himself and it's never made things any better for him so it gets harder and harder for him to find the drive to keep doing it. It's also not helped that there's technically no real consequences for him because any physical consequences will heal, and nobody else is really around to hold him responsible. Except right now Grace is there, he's holding the bar and when Colt isn't rising to it, Grace is pulling him up and helping him climb over.

Colt and Grace - Colt isn't frustrated about his duties, he's frustrated about what Six is doing. Prior to chapter one his only experience with Ryland Grace is his older asshole of a brother that he knows Six used to be best friends with and he has made an assumption over why Six has brought Grace to the Clubhouse (to fill an emotional hole left behind by Ryland-451's death). Colt doesn't hold Grace responsible because it's not his fault he's "being used".

While he initially holds it against Grace that he's a Ryland Grace, he learns very quickly that Grace is nothing like Ryland and easily settles into their brotherly dynamic which he knows he probably should be questioning but he's just so comfortable with how easy interacting with him is for the first time in a really long time, that he doesn't want to risk tempting fate and losing it forever.

Colt and Courtland - I have a beautifully heartbreaking moment planned for their reunion. It's made me cry a few times thinking about it.

"COLT TAKES CARE OF THE GUESTS BUT WHO TAKES CARE OF HIM HUH? T-T" - very soon it will be Courtland. If I could tell you how that's a good thing I would but it's such a huge reveal/spoiler so you'll just have to trust me

Colt's Eridian name - I've tried to think what his name would technically derive from/mean in Eridian. I haven't figured it out yet but I imagine something relating to being curious and inquisitive. Like when you see Colt's response to Rocky it will make total sense.

Chapter 7

The glass to the back of Grace's head was a genuine accident. The guy who did it was just very drunk and thought Grace was someone else.

Colt is indeed very protective. It's his biggest flaw.

The whole thing around Six is going to be explored and resolved soon I promise. There's a reason for everything he's done but I really don't think anyone can see it coming. That's the point. I can't say any more or I'll spoil it.

Yes Six was surprised that the gun went off. Yes, Six didn't mean it.

Driver is often (though not always) kind of like second-in-command under Six. He's arguably the strongest, and able to keep a clear head in the middle of chaos.

I don't wear glasses but people trying to show a glasses wearer when they're not wearing them is like a personal peeve. Not forgetting Grace is also recovering from head trauma at the same time.

"I can't imagine what it would be like to watch Colt in that state" - how do you think Driver knew Colt would recover? Maybe someone else taught him...

I will say nothing. I will just let you sit with your thoughts on that. That is all.

THANK YOU FOR UNDERSTANDING THE PAIN THAT COMES WITH THEIR FRIENDSHIP!!! Cause even though Colt is technically older than him, to Driver, Colt will never not be that 19-22 year old kid.

Colt's abandonment issues actually predate the Clubhouse, though living there has definitely not helped them.

Colt has ventured out into 88 a few times (which is how he met Murdock) but he can't really make friends because how does he explain his living situation, the fact he has no job, no family, an inability to be hurt? He's had fun, visited some of the others but at the end of it all he always comes back to the Clubhouse and 98% of the time, he's the only one there.

Chapter 8

Nothing but oxygen. That's the rule.

Six is trying to do clean up for something that should never have happened (shooting Colt)

Driver is the one Colt sees the most often. He doesn't count Six because he turns up and then leaves almost immediately. I don't count Six for another reason that shall reveal itself soon enough. Whenever Colt has reached for Driver, Driver's been there and he can't face that he's not going to be there for a very long time.

I could go on for hours about Colt's mindset. It's very much fueled by my depression. Not having the energy or motivation to do things for himself but having the motivation to do them for someone else. Combined with the repetition from Six that Colt's job is to keep Grace safe. Also the need to think about anything but the trauma of being killed by someone he used to/might still kind of look up to. Also death is pretty traumatising. It's all part of a trauma response.

I honestly didn't think extensively about the last time someone made Colt food but thinking about it, probably not since before he moved into the Clubhouse? After all everyone who visits is technically a guest and Colt always has to cook for himself no matter what so how hard is it to cook for someone else as well? Thinking about it, it's probably just the default that Colt cooks and looks after any one who winds up in the Clubhouse because they're probably there to rest, or briefly visit and it's essentially his home and he's always there so he can be a reliable constant for them. They can always trust he'll be there ready to look after them. I made myself sad.

The earbuds thing is pure projection. I struggle to connect them via bluetooth all the time. As for the earbuds thing, I have the exact probem (turns out my ear canal is super small so most of those silicone bits are too big) and I have some Urbanista Lisbons which are exactly what I was trying to describe, and they come with a little silicon jacket that have a structure to help secure them in the cartilidge of your ears. Fun fact.

It's something I came up with a week or so back because how difficult is it to carry around a laptop?

Rocky refused to pick a word for 'Colt' until he met him because Eridian names are derived from traits/initial impressions of the individual. At least that's my headcanon. So he can't have a word for Colt until they meet. Also you know Grace pre-warned him that Colt is a guy who "looks exactly like me but is in fact not me" and so not-Grace makes the most sense

Colt and Grace are identical. Using just echolocation, Rocky could easily mix them up to begin with. He'd likely discern between them by Grace's glasses, and Colt's jacket - things they'd almost always be wearing. After a few visits he would learn very quickly the mannerisms and quirks that separate them. Grace is generally slower while Colt is kind of fast. Grace thinks a lot while Colt talks a lot. They both fidget but Grace tends to fidget with his fingers, like tapping a pen, or his fingers, where Colt will pace and pat at things with his hands. Grace sits a lot, Colt tends to stand. You know, things like that.

I knew that was the phrase the chapter needed to end on. The rest was a little harder.