#shadow's shadow

Unfinished For theartassignment, “embarrassing object” I took French for five years. But as time went on, I did less and less of the work. I’d promise myself that I’d do it later, and I held on to every incomplete assignment, to work on “later”. Soon, I told myself, I’d get right back on top of things. This went on for the last 3 years of high school. I kept saying that I’d do better, to myself and to my teacher. She let me progress up with the class each year. Each year, I would fail again and again. I was unable to admit defeat, to say I couldn’t do it. But when my advisor and my teacher transferred me out of the class at the second semester of senior year, I was relieved. Without that transfer I wouldn’t have had a chance at graduating on time (and as it was, I graduated a few months late). Still, I held onto those papers. “One of these days I’m going to use them and teach myself!” I’d tell myself. I still hadn’t given up, I hadn’t lost this battle yet! So I had a stack of papers, at least five inches high, although it may have been as much as a foot. I’ve finally begun allowing myself to get rid of the papers, but I still held on to the instructional pages, and those are what show in the picture.

I called this “unfinished” because, as always happened in my head, I hadn’t given up, I just wasn’t finished yet! I added some objects that I’ve kept similarly. “One of these days I’ll figure out how to fully repair this clock!” “I’ll figure out knitting and finish all my [not pictured] half finished pieces!” The flower isn’t itself unfinished, but represents the hope that one day, I will finish these things. I will send off that hair to locks of love, despite the fact it’s been a year. All of these things have embarrassed me in one way or another. Yet this, to me, is about my personal refusal to admit defeat, even when it’s detrimental to myself, and on acknowledging when something isn’t worth the fight. I hold on to the clock, despite the fact that all it will end up doing is taking up space.