#sggift

HO, HO, HO! MERRY CHRISTMAS!

Santa visited last night & left some presents underneath the tree: @roerigz, @zaynsalamb, @roberttsemma, @sharnamayxo, @deltslea, @jaytotheush, @levittjoe, @shinycrystalr

Delta,

Are words even needed at this point when there’s girl scout cookies waiting for you from an all so mysterious secret admirer? Dig in.

xo your secret admirer

Darren,

We’ve been together for the past three Valentine’s Days. Do you know how much clearance chocolate we’ve bought together over those four years? Yeah, I can’t even imagine that number, either. You’re going to get spoiled today since you spoil me every other day of the year with these matching Egyptian cotton robes and a nice, warm, bubble bath together later tonight — maybe you can even slip into those adorable boxers, too.

But before any of those shenanigans can happen tonight you’re going to need your energy to keep up with everything (and I’m not talking about the relaxing bath) so I thought these cute heart shaped house items would be good for the both of us. You know we’re adults when we buy practical — but cute — items for the house on holidays. Don’t even think about getting out of bed this morning because you’re getting a breakfast in bed with heart shaped eggs and waffles with all the fruit and whipped cream you can imagine. Why should you have to choose between eggs and waffles?! 

Then later on tonight with the bath we can indulge in these chocolate covered strawberries with a nice bottle of red wine in the tub. After everything that you’ve done for me these past three, almost four, years you deserve all of this and more, baby. I love you so damn much. 

And thank you for putting up with my crazy ass.

Your Valentine,                          Stef

MERRY CHRISTMAS, DARREN!

Listen, babe. I don’t even know how this year turned into another Harry Potter themed Christmas—it just happened. What can I say? Every single time I’m shopping and stumble across something Harry Potter it instantly makes me think of you, and well... I’m sure we’re going to be having a lot of fun playing this board game. We have to make sure to light the butterbeer candle (I’ll be sure to look up a recipe on how to make a copycat drink, too) while we’re playing the game.

Of course, I don’t think we can go one year without getting each other gummy bears. That’s pretty much mandatory at this point and I promise I won’t steal some this year. And no, I swear my fingers aren’t crossed behind my back. Maybe. I know we all have phones to take pictures now and that Polaroids might be a little bit outdated, but I thought you might like taking pictures of the kids — or anything or anyone you want! — and having an actual photograph in your hands to love and cherish forever. 

I love you, baby. Merry Christmas.

P.S You’ll find a nice pair of mismatched fuzzy socks in your stocking from Santa if you go look. Santa knows everything.

Happy Father's Day, Dare!,

I was about to tell you how amazing your first Father's Day is, but then I realized... this is your second Father's Day and I bet you're trying to wrap that around your mind just like I am right now. Where has the time gone? You've been the best dad to these two, I can't even put into words how much all three of us love you. Today is the day where you're going to sit back, relax, and do whatever you want to do; except maybe with a few diaper changes along the way. Not so different from any other day, but you know. Today's your day and you get to do whatever the hell you want.

Alright, alright. I know you'll deny ever being 'hangry' but that just so happens to be the title of the box full of snacks. I thought you would appreciate it when you're traveling, or just need a small box of pick me ups, so I hope you like it. The shirt is self explanatory, but I think everyone needs to know you're the best dad in the entire galaxy. Sorry, guys. See, I'm not telling you that you have to shave, but I figured when you do want to that you should have some options for grooming. Whether you want to shave for the summer to be cooler, or leave it for awhile, this beard kit will do the trick. But the Bears oil smells goddamn amazing. And if you do want to shave, I got this beard hair catcher that you wrap around your neck and use the suction cups to stick to the mirror. No more nagging for clean up, right? Right.

The last two presents are from Lennon and Amore. Lennon helped me pick out that bib (selfish kid, shh) but I thought it was pretty hilarious. He has good tastes in gifts. Amore helped pick out this shirt, too, well... she mainly made grabby hands like her brother. Still adorable as fuck. I hope you know we love you so, so, much and that you're the best dad in the world. Never change. We love you.

Love,       Stef, Amore, & Lennon

Sharna,

I don’t mean to curse, but... holy shit, I’m having major flashbacks to when I had Amore’s mermaid themed baby shower almost two years ago. Next thing you know this little mermaid will be here and she’ll almost be two years old within the blink of an eye, I’m sure you know how fast they grow up before your very eyes at this point! I thought that these would be some cute outfits to have for the little mermaid herself, including one for you — let me know if the size isn’t okay.

I know that hand-me-downs aren’t really that prestigious, but considering that Amorette had her own little mermaid themed shower and had some good use out of all the presents, I thought I would pass some down to you since they don’t fit anymore which includes an actual mermaid tail. Plus they’re pretty damn cute, but then again, how could they not be cute when it has to do with mermaids?! Congratulations, Sharna. You’re going to be an amazing mer-mom to this little one (you already are with Evie.)

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, DARE!

Welcome to the dark side of being old as fuck, babe. There’s no turning back now that you’re thirty. We’re practically dinosaurs. I’m really hoping that as you keep reading this that you already figured out that I’m just fucking with you, I’d be a terrible wife otherwise. Like… the type of wife who would plan to do a Super Bowl halftime show on her husbands birthday. Wait, are you saying I already did that? Fuck. I guess I am a terrible wife after all (this is where you say no.) With being a terrible wife I have to do what all of those wives do and spoil you rotten to make up for such terribleness: give you tons of presents.

We all know your obsession with Harry Potter. Now you can get a bath and put on your Gryffindor robe and feel like a badass afterwards. Maybe light this down to fuck candle while relaxing, too, who knows? Maybe that scent will attract me and I’ll sneak into the tub with you. Or maybe I’ll just wait for you to come out so I can use this massage oil bar on you since you always offer with me. And yes, I purposely found presents that involved cursing and being sarcastic as hell. Reminded me of you and your filthy potty mouth. And for bonus points, I thought you would get a laugh out of these gummies. That’s us in a nutshell. Happy birthday, baby, I love you so much.