#setyourselffree

People often make excuses for allowing others to treat them badly. They create stories in their head. They change the narrative. He actually cares, he just needs more time. She’s not a liar, I’m sure I misunderstood.

Don’t make excuses for people. Listen. They’ll tell you exactly what they want from you. They’ll tell you why they’re in your life. And when they tell you, believe them the first time. When someone tells you they don’t want to be with you, believe them the first time.

Don’t allow others to push you around. Don’t let them make you feel like you deserve to be treated like an afterthought. Don’t accept breadcrumbs.

If you allow these people in your life, there is NO ROOM for good to come in your life. Because your mind, your energy, the physical space around you is occupied. CLEAR THE SPACE.

To help you, here’s a guide of 7 TYPES OF TOXIC PEOPLE TO AVOID:

1)   The Narcissist

We’ve all heard this word. What does it actually mean?

The mayo clinic defines a Narcissistic personality disorder as:

A mental condition in which people have an inflated sense of their own importance, a deep need for excessive attention and admiration, troubled relationships, and a lack of empathy for others. But behind this mask of extreme confidence lies a fragile self-esteem that's vulnerable to the slightest criticism.

Do you know anyone like this in your life? One of the most important takeaways from this definition is that narcissistic people have NO EMPATHY. They can’t understand you emotionally. They can’t connect. They won’t understand your feelings or thoughts. Somehow the story gets turned and revolves around them again. These people will often leave you confused. They seem to have it all together, they seem confident, but in reality they lack self-esteem. They need counseling. But it’s not your job to diagnose them, counsel them, or push them to change. They can only change if they want to. In the meantime, don’t allow someone like this in your life. They WON’T be a good friend, partner, spouse, etc. Negative people in your life will bring more negativity. Let that energy go. Good energy is trying to find you. It’s watching you and waiting for you to clear up the space. SO CLEAR UP THE SPACE.

2)   The Pathological Liar

Have you ever met someone who lies so much that they believe their own lies? The narrative changes. They create a lie and all of a sudden, reality has changed. They’ll say things like, “She was actually spending the night at a friend’s house” or “he was at a guy’s trip, he never saw that woman again.” With these people, pay attention to the details. If you catch them lying to someone else, they’re probably lying to you too. If they don’t have a conviction against lying, they’re probably lying to you. If they lie about the little things, they’ll likely lie about the big things. If they take a long time to answer your question about something that is a fact, they may be lying to you. Now, I’m not saying to analyze each person and look for toxic behavior. I’m not saying that everyone is bad or that anyone is perfect. I’m not perfect. I’m saying DON’T INGNORE THE RED FLAGS. Don’t get in that relationship if you notice a few red flags. Don’t get back with him if you see these issues, if your gut is telling you something is wrong. If you can’t think logically and do what’s best for you, listen to your body. It will start having reactions if you’re making terrible decisions. You may notice that you have a sick feeling in your gut. You may start getting sick every time you’re around your toxic friend. Being around toxic people will have a negative effect on your body.

  3)   The Greedy One

Have you met someone who’s says that they’d do anything for money? For a raise? Have you met someone who would lie, commit fraud, cheat out their business partner, or lie to their customer to put more money in their pocket?

There is nothing wrong with wanting to be successful. There is nothing wrong with being rich. There is nothing wrong with having a lot of money. BUT LOVING MONEY is a different story. If someone loves money more than they love people, more than their desire to keep their integrity, they WOULD DO ANYTHING FOR MONEY. Don’t enter into a relationship or business partnership with this type of person. You won’t even like being friends with a person like this. They will cheat you out of what you deserve. They will throw you under the bus to put more money in their pocket. They will charge you more to put more money in their pocket.

  4)    The Gas Lighter

Dictionary.com defines gas lighting as:

To cause (a person) to doubt his or her sanity through the use of psychological manipulation:

How do gas lighters cause you to doubt yourself? They will lie to you even when you have proof. They will swear and deny their words and actions even though you were present. They will attack your identity and tell you that you are a horrible spouse, parent, employee, etc. They will project their toxic behaviors onto you. If they constantly hurt their spouse, they’ll say that you constantly hurt your spouse and you never should’ve gotten married. But they’re very smart and manipulative so sometimes they will complement you. They will make you feel good about yourself. They’ll gain your trust to only tear you down again. Why? Because it will hurt you more. They will make you feel crazy. They will get into your inner circle, gain your trust and tear you to pieces.

Please, stay away from these types of people.

  5)   The Selfish One

If someone only cares about themselves, they will not be a good friend, spouse, fill in the blank. They will not care about you. Of course, everyone can have a bit of selfishness. I’m talking about extreme selfishness. Relationships are about give and give. Both sides have to be givers. Both have to think about the person in front of them and want to make them happy. If both parties behave like this, both receive and both are happy. But if you’re with a selfish taker, you’ll constantly feel empty. You’ll feel exhausted, ignored and alone. Find a new boyfriend, find a new friend. Have two good friends, have one good friend. Keep your inner circle small and only allow people to be in it who are deserving and worthy of your time, love and presence.

  6)  The One Who Never Apologizes

One of my favorite qualities about a person is their ability to apologize. Their ability to ask for forgiveness. Nobody is perfect. But an apology can heal a heart. An apology can restore a relationship. After forgiving someone, if you continue to be in relationship with them, you’ll have an even stronger bond. Your relationship will be stronger. Accepting an apology and forgiving someone gives the other person grace. Think about it, how many times have you wanted someone to offer you grace after a mistake? I know I have MANY TIMES. Apologizing also takes great humility. Don’t be in relationship with someone who never admits they’re wrongs. They are not perfect. They are not God. They are not the sun. The world doesn’t revolve around them.

7)  The Prideful One

There is a verse in the Bible that says “Pride comes before the fall.” (Proverbs 16:18) Kingdoms have fallen because of prideful leaders. Pride causes one to be blind. Blind of their mistakes, their shortcomings. Blind to how they treat others. They can’t do wrong. Having a prideful boss, employee, business partner, or spouse will bring problems into your life. They won’t ask for directions when they don’t know where they’re going. They won’t admit that they’ve made a mistake. They’ll blame other people for their mistakes because they can do no wrong. The opposite of pride is humility. A humble person is willing to admit their mistakes. Think about a time that someone told you that they made a mistake. It was their fault. Remember how you felt in that moment. You probably had more grace for them. You probably respected them more. You probably trusted them more. Pride brings destruction. If you’re in relationship with a prideful person, that destruction will bleed over into your life as well.

I’m not writing this to tell you that all people are bad. I’m writing this because I walked through a season of being surrounded by these types of people. And in this time, I thought I was losing my mind because I was overwhelmed with the darkness and toxicity that surrounded me. I’m writing this to tell you that I’ve walked over to the other side, and the light is beautiful here. I hope that you can recognize these red flags and cut out toxic people sooner than later. It’s very hard. Sometimes you know these people are toxic, but you wish they weren’t. You wish they were better because you trusted them. But stop wishing for the truth to change. And trust yourself more. Trust GOOD more than evil. Trust that GOOD wouldn’t make you feel the same way that TOXIC energy does. Trust that things WILL GET BETTER when you decide that you are worth more. You are worth being surrounded by love. Take the first step. Remove the bad so that you can welcome the good with open arms.

Já pensou que louco vai ser o dia em que você vai estar sentado com seus amigos lembrando de todos os momentos bons e de todas essas fases ruins que você esta passando agora? E pensar o quão forte você teve que ser e o quanto eles te ajudaram e foram importantes para você? Ou você vai continuar sozinho e ao se deparar com uma bela paisagem na sua janela pela manha você se dará conta que não tem ninguém para dividir esse momento. A partir daí você começa a perceber que sua proteção das pessoas por medo de se machucar novamente te deixou só. Não se bloqueie tanto, a vida é feita de momentos e mudanças, cabe a nós nos adequar e aproveitar ao máximo, amanhã é muito tarde para sair com amigos, falar que ama alguém, faça hoje faça agora. Momentos se vão assim como as pessoas.