#sethnicality

I've been eating "healthier," if not clean for several months. Over the last four years, I have lost 180 pounds forever, and yo-yo'd between 190 and 250. A few months ago, I weighed myself (which I don't do often), and I was *over* 250. We all have that number that makes us internally scream NOOOOOOOO! and that has been mine. As long as I stay under that, I could still say I used to be /more than a hundred pounds/ heavier. Yep. Me. I once weighed close to 375. It's almost unbelievable to me--because I didn't /feel/ that heavy--just tired.

He says he loves me,

Tells me I'm beautiful

Not just in words but

In the way his eyes light up

When we are in the same room

Or when he talks about our future.

He says things that make my heart flutter

and my eyes fill with the tears

that a person cries when

everything is so perfect it's almost

unbelievable and then i look up

and he takes my breath away

and replaces it with butterflies and giggles

and daydreams.

I ask what he's thinking

Not because I don't know,

But because I want to hear his voice.

And when we lie down to sleep,

he folds me into his arms as if

i am something precious

and it feels like everything is finally

the way it's supposed to be.