#serial roommates

Joseph!Guy baby! When Guy gets to Heaven, he's greeted by God himself and is hit with these strong paternal instincts, which he attributes to having had a young daughter when he died. Nevertheless, he's got another baby now. Congrats, Niffty! You have a little brother, despite him being older than time itself! The angels adore him. That's their grandfather! Lowkey, couldn't really think of anything else. Feel free to add, though! - ☀️ anon

Yes! I was thinking this! Guy is absolutely parenting God, and the Speaker, and the angels, those are his kids and grandkids!

Vox doing his hotel plot: and where’s Alastor?

Charlie pointing at Guy and Al: Talking to that angel

Vox and Velvette, both confused but Vox sounds more angry: WHAT?!

Charlie: yeah he kinda just showed up and started hanging around Alastor

Al and Guy kiss: 😘

Everyone: …

Everyone: …

Everyone: WHAT?!???!!!!?!

@kitsunesongs

Vox: *heats up like a kettle before bluescreening*

Velvette: *snaps a scrambled picture*

Niffty: *is sketching a shoujo style art*

Charlie/Vaggi/Husk: *feeling their world turned upside down*

Lucifer: *hello darkness, my old friend....*

Angel Dust: *to Alastor*

Guy's fighting to stay in Hell, Heaven's trying to get their 'kidnapped' angel back, and Lucifer's trying to find out how to legally stop guy from gaining citizenship.

Vox finds out about the Baker’s Estate Incident through unclear means and gets the brilliant idea that since Guy is so attached to Alastor to the point of keeping his serial killer secret as a cop because of the life debt of that rescue, the best way to successfully seduce his rival is to stage a kidnapping. Vox can be the hero, and Guy will feel so indebted to him that they can sleep together, win Susan’s approval, and all will be right with the world.

This plan was doomed from the start. For so many reasons it’s astounding it got past the drunken planning stage.

Alastor finding out his best friend was kidnapped went into RE Protagonist mode with a gun. 

Lucifer can’t have Heaven using this as an excuse to bring back exterminations. Like or hate Guy, he has to keep him safe and alive even if Alastor is in no way a factor. 

Guy was only held prisoner the first time because he was getting his body, soul, and memories actively messed with nonstop. Vox’s hypnotism and Velvette’s love potions combined is a puddle compared to the seven seas. As soon as he’s lucid, he is still a cop (armed with angelic power, mold, and also probably a gun) and knows how to save himself.

So what was once Vox’s plan to stage a rescue as prince charming has become a disaster of Alastor with magic and a gun, Guy with magic and a gun, and a very tired and pissed off Lucifer. None of them know how to find each other. 

If Alastor went on a quest through the Bakers' Estate to rescue Guy, how have we not had a storyline of Guy going on a quest to free Alastor’s soul from whoever owns him? They seem to go in a cycle of rescuing each other (Alastor goes to the estate to save Guy, Guy rescues Alastor when he’s taken by Eveline, Alastor rescues Guy again by defeating Eveline, etc) and now we’ve landed back on Guy’s turn.

Bonus if the person who owns Al is Roo and she is connected to the mold, so saving his friend means confronting his own metaphorical and literal demons.

Guy Winters managed to go from a goofy detective character to a tragic one. A kindhearted detective (fucking unicorn of a man good lord that’s rare) who despite his better judgement saw the best in people, even when those people had done terrible things. He was kind to others even when that ruined and in a way ended his life. His heart never became cold from his experiences. Yet the only reward he got for his goodness was an eternity separated from everyone he loved, trapped under a corrupt system somehow unimaginably worse than the one he escaped in death. How many times did he wonder if he hadn’t made it to Heaven and was trapped in a Hell made just for him?

Guy: *looking remarkably chill for a guy shackled to a chair with guns aimed at his head*

Vox: *pouring himself some scotch* I guess this explains why the old timey prick never gave me a second glance…

Guy: Oh really? Do tell!

Vox: His heart already belonged to another and to the guy who almost exposed me no less? What a freaking joke!

Guy: *snorts* Woah there, Big Shot! Al and I are not “together,” never have been! We are just friends!

Vox: ALASTOR MUST BE IN LOVE WITH YOU! THERE’S NO WAY ANYONE WOULD GO THROUGH ALL THAT FOR “JUST A FRIEND!”

Guy: *gives him a long look at that is somehow both mocking and pitying* Huh. You’ve never had a meaningful relationship in your life, have you?

Vox: *glares at Guy, and starts chugging the scotch*

Guy: *conversationally* Ya knows, Voxy-Boxy, Al was always an excellent judge of character; he could read people like a book. It’s how he was able help me whenever I got stuck on a particularly difficult case. It was almost like he had a sixth sense exclusively for scumbags. So, imagine my surprise, when I found out that my best friend and the creepy cultist  that I was investigating used to be attached at the hip!

Vox: *says nothing, just starts refilling his glass*

Guy: It just didn’t make sense to me that Al would fall for any of the crap you spouted. He would- no, he should know better. But now, after our talk, I think I finally understand.

Vox: *despite himself, Vox listens, curious*

Guy: I think the reason Alastor got so attached, whether he realised it or not, is because he saw a bit of himself in you.

Vox: WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU GABBING ABOUT?!

Guy: Your self-worth is dependent on other’s validation or attention.

Vox: *bluescreens for 0.5 seconds, before sputtering back* I- He- HA! Did I hit you too hard? Do you have brain damage? Alastor is the vainest motherfucker in the pride ring! He doesn’t need anybody!

Guy: Oh, he’d love that you think so! Can’t have anyone else knowing “the truth,” can he? Can’t help but notice you didn’t contradict that about you.

Vox: I… I DON’T NEED TO EXPLAIN MYSELF! IT’S OBVIOUS TO ANYONE WITH A BRAIN HOW STUPID YOUR “DEDUCTION” IS!

Guy: *widens his eyes in “shock,” like the gullible puppy many mistake him to be* Gawsh, ya thinks so, Leader? That’s funny… I coulda sworn I hit da nail on da head!

Vox: *recognises the persona Guy played when they first met* Tch, can’t believe I ever fell for that…

Guy: Think about it. It explains the cult, the stalking, the hypnosis, the deals... It’s all about you being control. You force people to love you, because you are afraid no one would give you a glance otherwise and you’ll be alone.

Vox: *flinches* S-SHUT THE HELL UP!

Guy: *ignores him* You and Al really are similar in that aspect. Needing to put on a show to seem “worthy.” The sap believes that if he is no longer seen as “strong,” if his friends no longer see him as “useful,” then he will be abandoned.

Vox: *seems to be recontextualizing previous encounters*

Guy: *shakes his head sadly* Al’s always struggled with setting boundaries, continuing to let Mimzy use him as a guard dog no matter how many times it landed him in the hospital; so, honestly, I should’ve been more surprised that he’s the one who broke it off with you.

There were bets on if this friend existed or if this was the friendship equivalent of "my girlfriend who goes to another school you wouldn't know her."