I totally get that because I in a way “randomly” chose Sehun as my bias back in 2012 (not as shallowly as I made that sound of course ;;) and I wasn’t really that invested in K-pop in general back then, but I would’ve never thought that I would come to love him the way I do now and definitely not to the magnitude with which I do, either, and it’s so interesting to see that? Especially because when I think about how I stanned Sehun before the end of 2014 (which is when I have recently come to discover is the exact moment I fell for Sehun the way that I did and it’s only exploded even more since then) I would’ve never have foreseen this at all? I wasn’t a shallow stan in the sense that I would objectify him or anything like that, but I never really paid that much intense attention to him and I distinctly remember that when I made this blog in April of 2014, until December of 2014 my tags for Sehun were really idk… simple and lacked any indication of depth - not only in wording but in how much thought I even gave to Sehun? I’d just talk about how Sehun was so good looking and that his handsomeness made me upset, and that he was really cute, etc. etc but it was all very shallow. But then after 2014 the way I talked about Sehun and the way I paid attention to Sehun were a lot more soft and starry-eyed. I started to take notice of all these tiny details and I didn’t just look at the bigger picture but the little things that made Sehun who he is, and as I kept peeling back the layers to his personality more and more I’ve come to love him the way I do now, and I just know that there is so much more about him that I have yet to discover so the idea that I’ll love him even more than I already do is weirdly exciting ;; And I don’t know, but this way of stanning someone is a lot more rewarding to me but I think that’s mostly because of, how I said in my last answer, I was going through really tough times, so for me to find Sehun and to love him and learn about him the way I did and still continue to do was a really bright part of my day and I’m really thankful for it ;;

I LOVE LOVE LOVE seeing just how much he’s grown up and become more comfortable with being himself, because when you see debut and near-debut era Sehun he was so much more quiet and shy but now he’s so much more confident in himself and he’s really shown a lot of his personality and that he really isn’t a brat in any possible sense of the word - but rather completely 180 degrees opposite from it - and it makes me sad that some people still hold onto that idea of him or treat him that way? Sometimes I see the things that people say about Sehun and it just really upsets me because that’s nowhere close to his personality at all and to see an honest to goodness angel be flattened to a 2D character - and an incorrect one at that - and be objectified the way he is just irks me ;; Seeing him get so many lines and ones that are a lot more significant than the nonsense ones like, “Never don’t mind about a thing,” fills me with so much pride, and not only that but seeing him get more and more opportunities to prove that he really is part of the dance line along with Jongin and Yixing makes me so so happy (like the Beats solo that those three had was just ;;;;; and honestly just in general the way he leads a lot of dances or like in choreographies where they split EXO into three groups and have each of the main dancers lead the groups and Sehun is one of them). And you hear about all of the praises fellow actors/actresses and staff give Sehun for his two movies and you can just tell how genuinely hard-working he is and despite what so many people think, he takes his work extremely seriously, so for him to get two movies in just one year makes me excited for what more he has in store? I also love that Sehun is one of the ones in EXO that have overall the most popularity and knowing that he’s loved so much by so many different people around the world just makes me heart feel so soft ;; It just shows that there really is a lot of him that there is to love and despite what so many people say about him being untalented or this and that, clearly he has a huge supportive backing for a reason.

HIM LEARNING MANDARIN has got to be one of my most favourite things, not only because he’s doing it to be able to communicate with fans (especially because out of all the members other than Yixing Sehun has the most Chinese fans), but because it shows that he has such a genuine interest in the world and other cultures and he honestly really enjoys those kinds of things? Which was also really evident in the fact that he stayed back in Hong Kong by himself so that he could travel around ;; But he honestly has one of the biggest adoration for fans, and he might not be as outspoken about it the way Baekhyun is, but you can feel the love radiate off him when he interacts with them or even with the fact that he literally will like their posts on Weibo or Twitter, and not even ones that are really big (like fantakens of him) but little posts by fans that were, say, excited to get his photocard in their album - which just shows that he really is interested in his fans outside of concerts and such and I find that so so sweet ;; AND I DO KNOW WHAT PICTURE YOU’RE TALKING ABOUT that is legitimately one of my most favourite photos, too, I had it as my phone background for almost a whole year and I felt so guilty when I changed it (even though I was literally changing it to another Sehun photo) ;; But exactly, little things like that just make me love him more and more because it shows what a kind and genuine soul he really is, and I can honestly say he’s one of the most genuine idols? Of course there’s parts of him we won’t know (and don’t need to because he deserves privacy, too) but none of what he does show to fans is fake or exaggerated in the sense that he really is just that loving and soft :(

I’m gonna stop talking about those things before I start sounding repetitive from my last answer to you orz but exactly, though. It’s not as much that I base my happiness on him but rather he just happens to be one of the main sources of happiness for me because as I said in my last answer he was a constant bit of sunshine when I was going through a really tough time so naturally he’s become such a huge part of my life, and I can’t help but to be taken over by an uninhibited happiness whenever I just catch a glimpse of him because he’s a reminder of those times when I was sad, he was always there to make me feel better, and just in general that he’s someone that I’ve genuinely come to love a lot in a way that I haven’t loved anyone before? So I know that whenever I move on from this whole thing that Sehun will always linger in a special place in my heart and whenever I see him I’ll be reminded of sunshine and a special period of time in my youth ;;

Before I even start, I feel like I need to apologize in advance for probably replying like hours late because like I said in my askbox, if you ask me something about Sehun I need some time to settle down and get my thoughts straight because he just gives me so many feelings and there’s so many things going through my mind and it’s just this huge jumble of thoughts that don’t know how to organize themselves because I love him so so so much and my heart and my mind and every single part of me doesn’t even know what to do with itself and then I blank out for a little bit because my mind goes in overdrive and needs a little break and I have to find my words again and JUST :((( But I’m sure you understand that feeling ;; But moving on:

To start off, I completely understand what you mean when you say your heart just grows and he gives you the warmest feeling and makes you feel all giddy and lovestruck ;; I feel like it’s odd to feel that way about someone who’s halfway across the world and doesn’t even and probably will never know of your existence but every time I see him (especially when he smiles or does something cute or looks all dashing and handsome or I read about something he did or he’s dancing or just talking or – oh what am I talking about; any time I see Sehun period) it feels like my heartbeats are running a marathon and that my heart is about to burst out of my chest because it’s all just too much to handle ;; And I know that sounds totally obsessive if you’re someone who’s a casual fan and isn’t as emotionally invested, but it really isn’t that at all? It’s just this really pure, honest, uninhibited happiness that can’t help but to take over your whole heart and soul and every fiber of your being ;; Every time you see him you smile and you can feel the love in your eyes? Idk how to explain that exactly orz but I hope you know what I mean ;; Your heart just feels so warm and it’s like you’re soaring above the clouds in complete bliss and there’s just this really nice… airy? feeling where you’re the embodiment of happiness. And you feel that way even if he’s doing the most nondescript thing, because it’s something that is a part of who Sehun is and to you Sehun is filled with all the things you love so you can’t help but to just be completely overwhelmed no matter what ;;

I used to always think that I couldn’t love Sehun any more than I already do but he’s proved me wrong countless upon countless numbers of times that at this point I just let my love for him grow 100-fold every single day without even blinking, because that’s just what Sehun does :( He honestly is so lovely, god… just so so lovely? I wish I could write about every single part of Sehun that I love and every single part of his personality that makes him who he is, but goodness that would take ages and this would be such an incredibly long answer (as if it already isn’t) ;; But when you said, “I could write him a million poems and love letters but nothing could ever amount to how I feel,” I UNDERSTAND THAT SO MUCH OMG. Some time in March I think, someone asked me what it was that I loved about Sehun - and me being someone who refuses to just answer in a small paragraph because there’s just too much to cover - took literally probably three weeks to write up an almost 6000-word essay as to why I love him (literally check the word count on my answer ;; it’s like 5700 words or something orz) but even that didn’t feel like enough? I had to cut some stuff out because it was so incredibly long but it still turned out to be basically a whole dissertation. And I look back on it from time to time and (other than wishing I wrote it better) there’s so so many more things that I wish I could’ve written down or fleshed out more because he’s such a wonderful human being in every possible way and I honestly really want to go back and rewrite it with every possible thing I can think of without holding back ;; 

He’s so soft and kindhearted and sweet, and just genuinely a nice and considerate person, incredibly patient and honestly so much more intelligent than I think people give him credit for; he’s also got a subtle confidence to himself while at the same time being the absolute shyest most easily-embarrassed toddler, he might be 6-foot tall but he’s actually just a tiny baby who wants to be loved and to love others; he works so hard and quietly without ever bringing any attention to himself, he’s so humble and whenever people try to compliment him or bring him into the spotlight he usually makes sure that he isn’t the center of attention or he’s smiling so sweetly and softly because he feels so honoured to have kind words said to him but he still never lets the attention linger on him; he’s always grateful to every single person around him, he loves his fans dearly (probably one of the ones in EXO that adores his fans the most) and he probably loves EXO and the members more than anyone including the members themselves do; he’s amazing at dancing no matter what people say, he never lets anything get him down and just quietly improves on himself to be the best he possibly could be; he loves to travel and get to know other places and cultures and he loves talking to people and learning about them, he values loyalty the most and you can see that in the way he treats the members, the stores and places he visits frequently (he’s always close to the owners ;;) and even to the staff that work on his movie sets -he literally will make sure that every person he’s ever encountered knows that they’re important and he cherishes everything they do for him; he always wants to help others and everyone who ever encounters Sehun only has the utmost respect and kind words for him and just I could go on forever with probably 5 million examples but I’ll stop here ;; He definitely isn’t perfect, no human being or thing ever really is, but he’s honestly perfect the exact way he is and I love him for all of the things that he is and in spite of others and all of the things he’s not - I just love Sehun. There’s parts of him that I’m sure plenty of people share with him but in the end he is filled with everything that is good in the world and he’s my kind of perfect :(

“Everything about him makes me want to give him hugs and wrap him in a blanket and talk about his day and give him the world and more but even that doesn’t feel like enough,” GOODNESS DO I EVER KNOW THAT FEELING :( I’ve always said that if I ever had a chance to meet Sehun I’d just take him to a coffee shop and let him talk about absolutely anything and everything he ever wanted, about his worries and anger, about his happiness and triumphs, what he wants to improve on and what he feels confident in himself about - literally anything and everything? It’s honestly the purest feeling ;; He’s just so soft :( I want to do everything in my power to protect him and keep him safe from all the negative things but sadly I cannot :(

DO NOT TALK TO ME ABOUT HIS SMILE that’s literally my absolute most favourite part about him and it’s not even the physical aspects of his smile (thought I of course love every single one of those too ;;) but the innocence and purity and genuineness that it holds within it is such a perfect reflection of who he is as a person, too? If you can notice all the details of Sehun’s smile - not just the physical ones but the other characteristics as well as all the types of smiles he has -  you’d be able to read exactly what kind of person Sehun is and I think that’s what I love about his smile the most ;;

“He’s such a constant for me when everything else feels so unsteady,” :((( he really is, isn’t he? He’s the one thing in my life that was going right, and while I was going through really hard times and wanting to end myself, I would always think about Sehun and I was reminded that there was something good in the world that could give me happiness, and I would hold it off for one more day ;; Not that the people I knew in real life like my friends and family were bad, but it’s just different because the people you see everyday - you feel like they hold expectations over you and it just brings you down because you don’t want to disappoint them. But with Sehun there was none of that? I could just love him freely and happily without having to worry about anything and it was the one thing I could do right in a sense? He was just always the best part of my day, and even now when my life is finally starting to find its path, Sehun was the one who made sure I got to this point because I know if I didn’t have him I most likely wouldn’t even be here right now, so he’s just so incredibly special to me? And I’ve said it a million times before, but I really don’t understand what it means to love someone because that’s always been such a foreign concept to me, and the word love had simultaneously no meaning to me but also all the meaning in the world that I couldn’t bare to spare it for anybody because I just didn’t know what it meant to use it, but when it came to Sehun it just keeps spilling out without any sign of stopping and I just really.. genuinely.. love him? Not romantically (though I will not lie and say I do have a little crush on him ;; but it’s hard not to :/) but just this really genuine love, and he literally is the only person I’ve ever said, “I love you,” to (or well not to since he’s not right there but either way) without feeling like my insides were writhing with discomfort (because truthfully I really can’t say those three words to anybody without feeling weirdly gross inside, it’s hard to explain ;;) and he’s just always going to be that person that holds that title and just :((( man now all my words are trailing off to a sea of sadness but a good kind of sadness because I really do love him with all my heart and I can’t find the words anymore ;

Ugh, man, this is literally all over the place and I’m not even going to try to make sense of it all so I’m sorry to whoever reads this and also just know that my feelings are infinitely more expansive than what I’ve said here and if you gave me a chance and maybe a month I’d be able to flesh it out completely but for now ;;