#selfsided

“no”

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  How could someone live a NORMAL life after that hell? How could someone not wake up from nightmares, how could ANYONE be okay? How can you keep someone else safe when you can’t even look after yourself? Zach could do that right? He could just push everything that was holding him down away, all he had to do was put focus on someone else. But how could he? He lost his girlfriend, he failed as a elder brother and he failed himself at being a better person.

      If he wasn’t trying to show off, if he wasn’t trying to break the rules maybe his life wouldn’t be so messed up. If he hadn’t pushed himself to prove a point, Gray wouldn’t wake up screaming, he messed up didn’t he? He just messed everything up, he KNEW somewhere inside his mother hated him, he KNEW his dad did as well. They stayed with each other for what? For his mess up, for him almost getting himself and Gray killed? Maybe his mess up was a blessing in that part, he was scared of losing his mom and dad, he was scared of them moving apart...them fighting more and MORE.

          Music seemed to be his escape from the world, but how can one escape from a world that is always there? A world the is just like a living NIGHTMARE, he couldn’t focus in school. Zach couldn’t focus in life, he feared that he’d have his face ripped off. Gray became closer to their mother, Zach pushed himself away from the family MORE, he couldn’t deal with that. He didn’t want to have himself being told it wasn’t his fault, he’d be okay seeing as that would be a lie and he didn’t want himself to be drowning in his own lies and faults.