#selfish magic

"Pick up your phone, you stupid-- Hey, it's me, Simon. You got a minute? It's about that mind control spell you sent me. Yeah, no, it worked just like you said, it's fine, I just... something seems off about it. Does it have any, like, side effects? Corey's gone a bit cross-eyed, and... I dunno, man, I'm afraid I might be causing him brain damage or something."

"Wait, there's a time limit? Okay, yeah, I guess that makes sense. So, uhhh... hold up, no more than an hour!? Shit, ummm... okay. Well. Let's say that, uh... hypothetically... I've been making him do housework for the past five hours. Do I need to stop him, or is he, like... already too far gone? Because I still need him to finish mowing the lawn."

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For a roommate that I’d found off of a Craigslist ad, I had to admit that I could have done worse than Hayden.  The listing itself didn’t give me a good first impression-- asking for a photo reference prior to any sort of in-person interview seemed odd to me, and a few of the “interest compatibility” questions he asked felt like he was looking for a boyfriend rather than a roommate.  Still, I didn’t have the budget to live alone right now, so I applied anyway.

Honestly, I’m glad I did.  Rooming with Hayden was a life-changing experience, and that’s not something I would say lightly.  My life had started to fall into a rut, but with his help, I was actually starting to get in shape.  In a really weird, roundabout sort of way... but at least I was getting results.

“I was worried something had come up today,” I said, watching Hayden walk in through the front door.  “You don’t usually spend all of Friday night out at someone else’s place.”

Hayden just laughed.  “Nah, man, I wouldn’t want to change this arrangement for the world.”

It was an unusual arrangement-- one that shouldn’t have been possible-- but it was one that was beneficial to both of us.  Hayden owned a relic that allowed him to swap bodies with a willing participant, which we used every Saturday afternoon without fail.  Hayden spent the entire day at the gym, building up my strength, and I spent the day at home doing the chores that needed to be done.  Not that I enjoy doing chores, of course... but I’d rather be cleaning than spending time at the gym.  Hayden felt the opposite, so it worked out quite well for us.

Hayden pulled out the solid jade relic, a hollow tube that required each person to stand close enough that the tube formed a connection from forehead to forehead.  It was the sort of thing that seemed like a dumb prank the first time around, but by now it was second nature.

“Have fun working out!” I said, watching my body grab the gym bag I’d packed this morning.  Honestly, it felt like I was taking advantage of the guy-- neither of us were tidy people, so as long as I kept on top of the dishes, I didn’t even bother with any of the rest of the cleaning.  Maybe once a month I’d pull out the vacuum, but that was about it.  He spent all evening at the gym, while I spent maybe a half hour cleaning.

But hey, he still hasn’t complained about our deal.  More time for video games for me.

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I had been skeptical about choosing Adam as my roommate-- I was hoping for someone who was a solid wall of muscle-- but there was something about his face that I found irresistible.  He turned out to be pretty naïve and trusting, which is also a huge plus.  I told him that I enjoy playing basketball at the rec center after I’m done working out, and the dope believes me-- as if I’m the type of person who spends three hours playing sports?

I keep waiting for him to figure out what I’ve been doing inside of his body, but so far he hasn’t said anything.  I’ve been using his body for Grindr hookups, and he has no idea.  He’s slender enough to appeal to some of the bears, yet hairy enough to dominate some of the twinks.  His body really is fantastic for gay hookups, and it’s completely wasted on his hetero ass.  I’m still waiting for someone to recognize him on the streets when I’m not inside of his body but... so far so good.

“Hey, Gus?“  Waking up with a killer headache was bad enough, but for some reason my roommate was shaking my shoulder.  “Gus, wake up.  You... uhh, you’re not gonna believe this, buuuut... we’ve swapped bodies.”

I sat upright, trying and failing to rub the sleep out of my eyes.  “Dude.  Preston.  What the fuck?  You, of all people, should understand that Saturdays are for recovery.  I was up until 4am playing League, and you were out drinking or whatever.  Fucking hell, why does my head hurt?”

“Probably because you’re dealing with my hangover,” he said, handing me a glass.  “Drink that, it’ll help.”  I gratefully downed the entire drink, and handed it back to him.  To... me?  I looked up at him, only to find that I was looking at my own body.  “I wasn’t kidding,” he said, laughing at the look of confusion on my face.

“Why are you so calm?” I yelled, looking down at the chest that was clearly not my own.  I found myself grasping at my new face, as if I was going to be able to feel a difference in its shape.  I couldn’t get past my sudden lack of facial hair.  “How the fuck did this happen?”

Preston just shrugged.  “Hell if I know.  It’s not like Web MD has a tutorial on this.  My best guess is that if we just go about our business like normal, it will reverse itself just as quickly as it happened.  I’m just hoping it’ll go away by tomorrow.”

I could scarcely believe what I was hearing.  “Tomorrow!?  Are you shitting me?  You want me to just keep going like nothing is wrong, and maybe it will fix itself?  Fuck that!  We need to do something!  We need to-- I don’t know, research this, or, or... tell someone who can help us, or... I don’t know... but, but something, dammit!”

He reached out and placed his hand on my shoulder, “Look, it’s not that I’m somehow okay with this.  I don’t want to be stuck in your life just as much as you don’t want to be stuck in mine.  But you just woke up-- I’ve already had several hours to come to terms with this.  If we try to tell anyone, they’ll just claim that we’re full of shit.  I can’t find anything relevant on the internet about this, and frankly, I wouldn’t have trusted it even if I did.  And it’s like you said-- Saturdays are for recovery.  We don’t have to do anything important today.  No one will be any the wiser if we just lay low.”

“But... yeah, alright,” I said.  It wasn’t what I wanted to hear, but I had to admit that it made sense.  It wasn’t how people handled this sort of thing in the movies, but... well, this was real life.  It wasn’t like we’d gotten into a shouting match in a Chinese Restaurant, or whatever.  I glanced around Preston’s bedroom, trying to figure out where he kept his clothes.  “So, uhhh... I’m pretty fuckin’ hungry.  Do think it would be a big deal if I went out to grab food?”

Preston just shrugged his shoulders in response.  “Should be fine.  I mean, what are the odds that either of us manage to run into someone we know?  It’s a big town.  Even if we go out in public, I think it will be fine.  Honesty hour, I was about to grab McDonalds, maybe go out and see a movie.  Do whatever you want today.”

I couldn’t help but to roll my eyes.  “Bending the facts to reach the outcome you want?  My body must be wearing off on you.”

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When Preston asked me to use my warlock powers to swap his body with that of his roommate, I was hesitant.  Not that I was afraid or unwilling to use my powers, mind you-- it wasn’t all that hard.  Most of the difficulty with body swap magic is making things permanent.  A 24 hour swap is the sort of thing I’d charge $50, maximum.  I just didn’t want to get in the habit of casting spells on my boyfriend.  We’ve only been dating for a few months, and I really hate the relationship imbalance that happens when one person is constantly relying on me for spells.

That said, he’s been really good about not begging me for trivial favors, and he really wanted something different for our three month anniversary.  We both enjoy a bit of roleplay in the bedroom, so why stop at costumes?  Gus’s body was... certainly different.  His body is a lot more nerd-punk than I expected, and seeing it makes me wonder how on earth the two of them can stand being around each other.

“What do you think?” he asked, lifting up his shirt.  “Pretty good for a computer geek, right?”

He stared at me with the same sort of confident swagger that had enticed me all those weeks ago, confirming without a doubt that this is Preston in Gus’s body, and not just Gus trying to pull a prank.  I could feel myself falling for him all over again.  “Pretty good, indeed.  And here I was wondering if I was going to need to use magic to change this body into something serviceable.”

He placed his other hand at his waistband, and slid his pants down to his knees.  “Not in the slightest,” he said, letting Gus’s manhood flop free.  Preston laughed at the look of shock on my face as he started to grasp it in both hands.  “It’s somewhere around eleven inches when hard,” he said.  “Sometimes he’ll leave the shower naked when he thinks I’m still at the gym.  I’ve wanted to try it out for myself for so long... and now it’s mine for an entire day.”