#selfhate?

So this really sad lol and a little depressing but I have been a real shit mood so I punished Peter for it (sorry boo) no happy endings😬 Cap is a dick, Pepper is a dick and even though it hurt me Stark is a dick too🤷🏽‍♀️ I kinda don’t know how to tag this cause this isn't really Starker, and I suck at tagging so ya

 Summary: Peter felt like he couldn’t do anything right. Today just proved his theory and he’s never felt so useless in his entire life. Sad!Peter

  😣🕸🌪❌

Peter was having a rough day, like a really rough day. Patrolling today was tough, everything that could go wrong during patrol has gone wrong today. School was no better since he left with a sour attitude because he was sure he failed his English test, and Flash just would not let up with the taunts today. On top of all that he has a last minute Avengers meeting in upstate to go too. He always excited to see everyone, especially Mr.Stark but today he would really rather just go home and crawl in his bed. 

  They also didn’t tell him what the meeting was about. They really don’t have random meetings sprung on them like this. Especially because it’s hard to get a hold of everyone and get them there on time. He didn’t want to seem like he was complaining but he mentally did not feel like dealing with hero stuff today. He’s still just a kid and sometimes he needs a break even though it’s hard to admit it sometimes.

  “Kid, you alright?”

  Happy voice filtered through his tired mind and almost forgot where he was. He gave Happy a small smile, telling him that he’s a little tired is all.

  “Alright.”

  Peter continued to look out the window until he saw the Avengers facility come into view. The closer they got to the building the more his senses are telling him that something was going to happen and it isn’t going to be a good one.

  He told Happy bye before walking through the doors and coming face to face with Pepper, and she did not look happy.

  “Well it’s about time you’ve showed up Peter,” Her tone was clipped and irritated.

  “You were supposed to be here thirty minutes ago, everyone else in the meeting room already.” She ushered him quickly into the elevator with a slight push and didn’t say anything else.

  Meanwhile, Peters mind is swirling, how was it his fault that he got here late. Happy picked him up on time, there wasn’t much traffic and no one told him about any time changes. He started to get this heavy feeling in his chest and it didn’t feel good.

  The doors dinged open and Pepper stepped out quickly before heading down the hallway to the meeting room. He followed quickly behind but before she opened the door she turned back to him, eyes cold.

  “You need to take more responsibility Peter, this is not a game and just because you’re a teenager does not give you an excuse. If Thor can show up from another galaxy on time then you can make it out of Queens on time.” And with that, she pushed the door open and the entire room got quiet when he stepped in.

  “Look who decided to show up.”

  That was Sam

  Peter felt his face go up in flames as everyone and I mean everyone looked at him with a disappointed look, even Mr. Stark. He immediately opened his mouth to apologize and ask if someone changed the time and just forgot to tell him but the steely look that Cap was giving him quickly shut him up.

  “Hey, there Peter just take a seat kid.”

  That was Mr. Stark

  Peter instantly felt the need to cry because he never wanted to see that look of disappointed on Mr. Stark’s face ever again. The ferry incident nearly took him out when Mr.Stark showed up to save the day. But the talk they had afterward was something he never wanted to revisit with the mentor again.

  He shuffled over to the only seat that was available because it clearly was for him, and he was very clearly late. Sitting in between Mr. Stark and Mr.Banner, Cap started to speak again.

  “Now that we have everyone here,” Giving Peter a pointed look that made the boy flush in shame.

  “I know this meeting was last minute but we really need to discuss execution when we go on missions. There has been to much damage to the city and in neighborhoods. We cannot continue  to make mistakes because making mistakes can get someone hurt.”

  Cap was in full leader mode and everyone was paying attention. Peter was trying he really was but he was just so tired and ready to go home. If this meeting was about minimizing damage when on a mission than why is he here? He doesn’t make much of a mess when fighting. If anything he probably causes less of a mess than anyone else on the team.

  Clearly, he was wrong.

  “Peter, you especially, those webs of yours are all over the place. They don’t dissolve and we’ve been getting complaints about your webbing on people’s houses, company buildings, etc.”

   Peter opened his mouth to try to explain that yes his webs are probably in a lot of places but they DO dissolve after an hour. He’s been testing different agents to try and get them to dissolve quicker to avoid stuff like this. Mr. Stark even helped him do it!

  Cap didn’t even give him a chance to explain and continued to roll over him. Saying that just because he is a newly knighted Avenger doesn’t mean he can do whatever he wants. Peter knows that isn’t the case because he does take this seriously, this is something he would never think could happen to him.

  He’s beyond grateful...but lately, it seems that every little thing he does is wrong to everyone.

  “On top of that, you don’t follow protocol at after missions. I believe Tony has talked to you about that and yet you still don’t listen, you gotta do better kid.”

  Mr. Stark did talk to him about protocol.

  “Yeah who gives a flying rats ass about protocol, nobody follows it spiderling, so don’t worry about it.”

  Those were his exact words and Peter remembered asking him if he was serious and Mr. Stark was. He waited for his mentor to speak up about what he said but silence filled the room.

  The urge to cry again was becoming a little stronger.

  He whispered a quiet yes sir before shifting his eyes to the table suddenly feeling like the most insignificant being on the planet right now.

  Cap continued to go on about other things but nobody got called out like he did and that alone had Peter feeling like absolute shit, gum on the bottom of some New Yorkers sneakers. What made it worse was that Mr. Stark didn’t stick up for him once, and he always does but today wasn’t his day at all.

  “Alright, guys that’s all for today.”

  Chairs began to scrape against the floor and everyone got up at the same time. Clearly, everyone was ready to go so at least he wasn’t the only one. He definitely overheard some of the Avengers mumbling under his breath, and he sometimes thinks that a lot of them forget that he has super hearing.  

  “If the kid was here on time we could've been out of here thirty minutes ago.” 

  “You know teenagers don't care about anything but themselves.” 

  “I don’t know why Tony gave him a chance, he doesn’t take this seriously.” 

  The heavy feeling he felt on his chest from earlier came back tenfold. He could already feel the tears gathering in the corner of his eyes. These were his teammates talking about him. People he has looked up to since he was little, and their just disregarding him like this, like he’s nothing. 

   He didn’t realize he was only one still sitting down until a hand was on his shoulder. He discreetly wiped his tears as he rubbed his face with his hand, feigning a tired expression. 

  “You alright their Pete.”

  It was Mr. Stark

  Peter looked up at his mentor and for a split second, he wanted to tell the man how he was really feeling. How today was a shitty day and had to deal with shitty people at school, shitty people on the streets while he patrolled. Only to get picked up to go to a shitty meeting that he was apparently late for, and get shitted ON the entire time. How he felt utterly useless right now, a complete failure and how everyone expects so much of his and how he’s hanging on by a thread sometimes to please everyone.

  But then he remembered how Mr. Stark didn’t come to his rescue and for some reason that sparked a sadness him so deeply that he just smiled.

  “I’m fine, just been a long day.”

  Mr. Stark gave him a warm smile before telling him that Happy is out front ready to take him back home. Peter took a deep breath to get his emotions in check before getting up and heading back down to the lobby.

  He encountered Pepper again as he walked by the receptions desk and tried to give her a smile.

She just turned her back, that icy look never leaving her eyes.

  The urge to cry again was really getting to him.

He continued to the front door.

He gave Happy another small smile as he got into the car. As soon as he sat down his phone rang and May’s name flashed on the phone.

  His heart dropped.

  “Peter where the hell are you?!” Panic clear in her voice but he could also hear the undertones or anger.

  “Ma— “ he started to say but was quickly cut off.

  “You were supposed to be home getting everything ready!” She started, “I told you how important this dinner was for my job Peter, the place is a mess and the food is still in the fridge, nothin is warmed up!”

  Peter completely forgot about May’s dinner with some people from the hospital. They might be offering a leadership position that pays really well, but they just wanted to sit down and talk first. May thought a good dinner in their environment would help things go along really well but she specially told Peter that she needed his help to get things ready.

  “And I know your out doing Spider-Man stuff but I told you, Peter, weeks in advance that I needed you home today for one day. You couldn’t just take one day off for your only family member.”

  He knew May was right, with everything going on, jumping back in forth between Peter Parker and Spider-Man it’s hard to keep track of everything going on around him. He didn’t even know what to say to her because sorry was definitely not going to cut it.

  “I am really disappointed in you Peter.”

  Was the last thing she said before hanging up.

The urge to cry couldn’t be stopped this time.

  Because that was two people in one day that he’s disappointed and he just can’t take it.

  “H...Happy could you put the partition up please.”

It was barely a whisper because he was trying so hard for Happy to not hear his voice crack.

  It looked like the bodyguard was going to say something but took one look at Peters red face and shaking hands that he just did what the boy said.

As soon as it was rolled up, Peter cried.

  Body shaking, nose runny, couldn’t see anything past his tears kind of crying.

   He’s never felt so worthless in his life.

The drive back to Queens always seemed to fly by but today...