#selfcareneeded

The last month has been a huge hit to my MH so it was nice that today I got to take a half day at work and go get tasty vegan food and hopefully see a bbc radio program be recorded. Plus @templeofseitan had a pop punk playlist playing the entire time we were there so A* from me . . . #vegan #templeofseitan #templeofseitancamden #veganchickenburger #selfcareneeded (at Camden Town) https://www.instagram.com/p/B8y2S9_AU9Z/?igshid=11b7e3zbulz2v

So got a bit social today. And things didn't go well at the end of party chat. Don't wish to socialize or be forced. Just sucks that I'm so reluctant to even talk. And on top of that I really hate people even more now. Not because I was silenced but it got scary a bit when my bff was upset with me. So it's as if I have to watch what I say now and understand that socializing has really scared me off. So I figured I gotta be careful who to trust and know who to avoid man. Wow! Not to mention stop humiliating my friend or more shit will go down between us. After the talk we had I straightened up. And it's like OK Mandi cool your jets and be careful so you know who to avoid. For one thing I never avoid calls because it's actually rude to do that. And I feel it's an introvert stereotype. My friend avoids her family for good reason. Because they are not a nice family at all. And she has friends including me that vent and the thing is... My friend is not a fucking therapist. I swear the other bitch she knows only gives her 20 minutes to grocery shop. So over that girl because its as if I feel I'm becoming her. Good God! You think I wanna be like that. Personally I'd rather vent to my therapist and just hold things in until that time. I realized how long I have been Isolating and don't even remember how it started or when. I wonder if since the breakup with my ex in February has made me want to be alone because I've not had any luck in love anymore. So I gave up. I'm tired of being hurt.