The last thing Khai needed to be doing right now was driving. He was feeling so many different emotions, and the drugs were hitting him hard. Not to mention he could barely see straight from the mass amount of tears clouding his vision. When he left Landon’s house, he knew nothing would be the same again. Not between the two of them, and definitely not between him and Roman. He felt like he didn’t deserve either one of them. He had made such a mess of everything, and there was no fixing it now. As he sped down the highway going about 95 mph, he smoked vigorously on his cigarette. As if somehow the nicotine would numb him if he consumed enough of it. He reached down and turned the radio up to full volume before bringing his hand up to wipe away more tears. Fuck! This was never what he wanted to happen. He didn’t want to lose Roman, he didn’t want to gain feelings for his ex, and most of all he didn’t want to hurt his best friend. Jaycee didn’t deserve any of this. She had always been there for him, and here he was making a mess of everything.

He took another drag of his cigarette, but the feeling of hot chemicals filling his lungs didn’t seem to be doing the trick. So he reached down to open the center console. He knew he had some cocaine in there still from the other night and he needed to be numb. He so desperately needed to be numb. Pulling out the small baggy containing the white powder he looked down to see how much he had left. Hoping it was enough to keep him from feeling the way that he was. No one had ever taught him how to deal with his emotions any other way. Maybe he should have just left with that client at work who wanted to fuck his brains out. But it was too late now. He had already made every other bad decision there was to be made.

Khai was in one of the most romantic cities in the world. With one of the most romantic men he had ever met. His heart was floating on cloud nine to say the least. But, his mind on the other hand was fleeing elsewhere. It wasn’t that he wasn’t happy being here with Dorian. He was honestly having the time of his life. But he couldn’t help but wonder where a certain someone else was at the moment, or what they were doing. He had gotten rather close to this other man, and even though he was in the perfect place with his perfect boyfriend. He was yearning for someone else. Maybe this is why people had the perception of him that they did. He was never settled, and he constantly felt like something was missing.

He was sitting on the balcony of his Tuscany hotel room. Sipping his morning coffee and staring out over the beautiful city. *If only he could see this view* he thought to himself. Licking his lips as he remembered the taste of his smokey kiss. Breathing out with a heavy sigh he brought his coffee cup to his lips. His eyes closing as the warm aroma filled his senses.

It wasn’t until he heard the stirring of his boyfriend waking up, that he was pulled from his private thoughts. A small smile curving at his lips as he took in the vision of what was his. He felt mostly content but he couldn’t shake the feeling. Everything inside of him telling him that he moved to fast. That he should be somewhere else with someone else.

Asher walked through the front door of the three bedroom ranch style house. Hanging his keys up in the area designated for keys. He slides his jacket off, hanging it up. When his eyes met Kinsley’s he all but held a sheepish smile, but it was met with a weak one back. “Sorry-- there was an issue at the club, had to deal with an unruly customer. I didn’t mean to miss dinner again,” he uttered as he moved forward. Kinsley usually had dinner ready for him for when he got out even if it was at two in the morning, so when he missed it especially with it being so late he knew she would be slightly upset. She all but nodded before going back to folding the laundry. “Here-- let me do that, you must have homework,” he offered out as she shook her head. “You smell like a chimney, Ash I don’t want it all over Sage’s clothes,” he sighed a bit as he rubbed the back of his neck. “Okay-- I’ll shower and do it afterwards,” he offered again, trying to help out the best he could. “Please, let me do something I feel bad with these late nights,” she just shook her head a bit and sighed. “Kin--” she nodded firmly moving to stand, grabbing her work books. “Okay-- if that’s what you want,” he nodded curtly as he watched her walk to the kitchen. A small sigh leaving his lips.

He made his way to the bathroom to take a quick shower, though he got lost in his head a bit, mind wandering some he got out about ten minutes later than he wanted. Drying off and changing into some basketball shorts, walking from the bathroom, he peered into the kitchen to see Kinsley with her nose in a book. Settling on the couch, he began to fold Sage’s clothes. Much to his surprise though the four year old wandered from his room eyeing his father a bit too cautiously.

“You’re not doing it like mommy,” he whispered. “Do it like mommy!” Asher was a bit taken back by the outburst. “I can do it like Mommy-- you want to show me?” The four year old shaking his head firmly. “Well Mommy has to get her school work done and she can’t, come on bub show me,” he shook his head more before stomping his feet. “Like mommy!” he could hear the sign coming from the kitchen as Kinsley came into the living room. Jasper’s door opening as well as he peered out. The male knowing best when to keep to his own world cause he knew a fight was about to start.

“Kin I’m sorry--“ he muttered softly. “It’s fine,” she hoisted Sage up into her arms entering the kitchen again. The boy staring his father down as he disappeared around the corner. Asher all but threw the t-shirt in his hand against the wall before rubbing a hand over his face, giving a shuddered breath. It hadn’t been fine, no matter how hard he tried he couldn’t get the husband card down or the father one either and it was exhausting Kinsley further now that she had school. Before hand the fights where silent, ended with “It’s fine,” and that was it, but lately it followed to the bedroom, more so there were times Asher took up roost on the couch to give his wife some space.

Jasper all but felt bad for his brother at this point as he came from his room, picking up the shirt, he sat on the couch, silently folding it to show Asher, eyeing him some as if to tell him to follow. Doing the same with the other clothes. He didn’t converse with the eldest Park sibling, and Asher never felt more grateful for the youngest Park. They got the basket done in time, and Asher stood to take it with him so he could put the clothes away. Jasper following to show him. “Sage like’s his stuff to be with it’s matches--” he uttered. Nodding Asher put it in, following Jasper to his room handing his clothes off to him before going to their room and putting the rest of it away. Sitting on the bed afterwards he moved to grab his pain medications, taking a couple as his leg seemed to be extra stiff from work that night. Mid swallow Kinsley walked in eyeing him with a small sigh. “I thought you said you were going to quit time-- they make you drowsy and irritable,” she uttered, eyeing him. “I know I did, but the pain is bad today,” he muttered as he moved his leg a bit more. He hated to look at it, the scaring from the blast and surgery left an ugly sight on his leg that made him all but remember the day that nearly killed him. Taking a sip of water from the bottle next to his bed, he settled in fully, eyeing his wife as she moved around to get ready for bed. “Your PTSD is worse when you take them, it seems your nightmares are just god awful, isn’t there something else they can do?”

Asher sighed-- looking away a bit as he shook his head. “We’ve talked about it-- nothing helps with the pain when it gets closer to getting my shots, I can’t help it, I’m trying Kin but it hurts so bad,” he muttered. “I--I know, I just, I wish there was something they could do,” she whispered feeling bad for her husband. The whole situation was less than ideal for either of them and while as of late it had been hard and awkward, she really did care for him.

“We’ve exhausted many options and at the end of it this is what it is till something better comes along. I’m doing the PT, I’m getting the shots, and I’m doing what I can to hold out but being on my feet all night doesn’t help,” he uttered softly looking to her. “Can’t you ask work to give you accommodations at least? Like a chair? Or more breaks?” Asher really wasn’t willing to do either of those, he was new to the job and coming in with restrictions would be less than favorable he thought. “Kin-- I don’t think you understand, this is a really decent paying job, and Nathan put the word out for me, I don’t want to come in with restrictions, a bouncer shouldn’t have that, it’s only really bad like one week out of the month,” he assured. “On those weeks I can sleep on the couch,” it wasn’t like he wasn’t doing so already a handful of times already. So not to disturb her.

“You sleep on the couch as is, most of the month--” Asher sighed some rubbing his face more. “So why is it an issue now then?” he muttered out getting a bit agitated. “It-- It’s not, I just, you want to make this work and I do but we’re basic strangers in this house, sleeping on the couch doesn’t help that,” she whispered harshly. Eyeing him as the fight seemed to start to brew so easily. “Yeah but I just keep you awake with my nightmares. I’m doing this so you can get a good nights sleep for your classes. It’s not like I don’t want to sleep in here-- it’s my bed too,” he muttered out again. Looking away down as his face seemed to get more discouraged. “I know-- but it doesn’t fix the issue, if anything we’re becoming more distant!” Her voice raised a bit before she settled. “Well none of the options work for you Kin, I’m trying-- but if I sleep in here my nightmares keep you awake and you’re already exhausted with Sage and school, so tell me what the ideal situation is!” he muttered back eyeing her once more.

“I--I guess there is none,” Kinsley stated, and Asher nodded curtly with a small sigh. Moving to sit up and grab his pillow and blanket from the chair. “I’ll be back in here in the morning before Sage gets up,” he uttered softly. Feeling deflated, defeated even. “Ash--” she whispered as he peered back to her. “Just-- sleep well,” she murmured tiredly. There was no stopping him he was just as stubborn as he ever would be and think about her and Sage above all else because that was the type of person he was. Asher moved forward pressing a small kiss to the top of her head. “I’ll sort it out-- I’ll pick up more therapy sessions or something, okay? It won’t be forever,” he assured rubbing her arm. “I love you,” he stated peering into her eyes. She nodded some with a weak smile. “I love you too--” she stated. Kissing his cheek. “I will see you in the morning,” he grabbed his phone and water. Walking out of the room.

Tina shut her laptop with a sigh, pushing it away and curling into her pillow.  words about how she should have just told her crush, echoing in her head.  Of course, that was never her way.  It was why she wouldn’t even let herself admit to anyone that she had feelings for the Quarterback; she didn’t see any way it would happily for her, and there was nothing worse than people’s pity.  Despite what Tina thought had been the fun times they’d had together, why would the Quarterback be interested in her as anything other than a friend, and maybe not even that.  It seemed more and more to Tina lately that even her friendships were suffering because she didn’t fight to be anyone’s priority.    

With the new year though, and after the mistake she’d made new years eve, yet another something she would keep from everyone, because this wasn’t the kind of thing she did, Tina was eager to make a change.  It was why she’d pushed herself to audition for a solo at Regionals; not that many people noticed.   Still it was a step in the right direction she felt.  She needed to keep pushing herself.  To get out, to be more involved, and more so, to learn to be okay with being alone.  Given what had happened in the last two weeks, the hook up that shouldn’t have happened between her and her ex, another disastrous crush that went no where, and her struggling friendships, Tina felt determined to work towards fixings things.  Fixing herself; being more... open with others. Perhaps that would be easier with a new friend.  Someone who wasn’t quite so used to how guarded she was. 

Tina woke up with a groan, her mouth dry on the first day of the new year. She blinked her eyes and took in the unfamiliar surroundings.  Crap.  As she recognized where she was, she also remembered how she’d ended up there and the raven haired girl on the pillow beside hers; Belinda Snaith.  Belinda was a friend from the astronomy camp Tina attended in the summers. Friend was perhaps overly casual way of describing what they....had been.  Belinda had been the first girl Tina had been with in any physical way after realizing that perhaps she was bisexual.  They’d spent the whole summer at camp between between freshman and sophomore year together, learning and exploring.  

But because Belinda lived in Alabama, they’d agreed at the end of the summer to just call it the summer fling it was and to keep in touch.  Keeping in touch had meant some texts through the year, although more as camp approached again, and then last year, they’d hung out at camp a lot again, picking up the kind of friendship that comes from knowing someone intimately.  But Tina had just gotten out of another relationship before camp started, and Belinda was seeing someone else.  Which Tina was fine with.  

So when Belinda had called to say she was in Texas for a family wedding on New Years Eve and she was hoping Tina would go with her, and keep her company, it sounded like a good idea at the time. But the holidays could be very lonely.  And a little champagne, with a lot of reminiscing, coupled with that feeling of loneliness had lead to a couple of kisses through the night, then a kiss at midnight that had lead to Tina following Belinda up to her hotel room and hooking up with her.  Hooking up wasn’t the problem.  It was good, always had been between them.  But hooking up with someone who lived in another state, and for no other reason than loneliness was something she couldn’t believe she’d done.  

Tina slipped out of bed,gathering her clothing and getting dressed quickly.  She jotted a quick note on the hotel pad.  

Belinda;

Last night was fun.  Thanks for thinking of me when you came into town.  I had to run this morning; my parents weren’t expecting met to be gone all night.  I’ll talk to you soon;

Tee