I was talking to a friend of mine who is a psych major but not going into the counseling side of it. She'd never heard of the concept of intimacy with oneself, which I thought was bizarre, because I feel like it's always been part of my vocabulary since I entered the psych major. I think self-intimacy is immensely important.

Usually we think of intimacy as something that involves at least two people. You know, a connection with another person that involves sharing on an emotional or personal level, a bonding of sorts. Intimate relationships exist on lots of levels, including in romance, friendships, and family relationships, and it's generally considered pretty important, especially for maintaining healthy communication over time.

It should stand to reason then that self-intimacy is important because your longest relationship in your entire life will be with yourself. A lot of people go through life constantly at odds with themselves, hating themselves, and that's exhausting, draining...I know what that's like from personal experience. I went through a long period of self-hatred, constantly telling myself that I was unloved, unskilled, unworthy, pathetic, worthless...Anything I did was wrong. I was doing it wrong--I was failing at all of it, why was I ever trying? I should just...just...

I had to spend a lot of time fixing that. This was accomplished in small parts, gradually over years, and I had to have help from lots of people, professional and casual alike. And it was hard. And I worry about it still. But it's a process...

Self-intimacy looks a lot like intimacy with another person--getting to know someone, talking to them, listening to them, and doing your best to fulfill their needs and respecting them. Important stuff, and difficult when you're starting out. How would you treat another person? How would you want someone else to treat you?

I like taking myself out to do things I enjoy. I like movies--I go to the movies alone a lot, my treat. I also buy myself dinner at nice restaurants or sometimes I make dinner just for myself and enjoy the silence and think about funny things that happen or things I'm looking forward to. Sometimes I talk out loud to myself, just so that I can (although now that I have access to my roommate's dog, I talk to the dog a lot, too). Put on your favorite music. Don't fault yourself for anything that might go wrong in these spaces--they're yours, that's all.

Often it helps to be with other people. Making plans with friends to do something we all enjoy is good, especially if they're positive people. Being somewhere social with strangers helps as well, if you like other people. I love to drink and dance, so I let myself have time to do that.

Like I said, these things can be difficult for people who have an immense hatred for themselves. It's okay to do things like this slowly, to open up to yourself a little bit at a time. Learn to be patient with yourself.