#self eval

Thanks for tagging me @kingsofeverything !

1. List of works published this year:

Netflix Original

A Deal

Do You See What I See 

Bitter Ends Turn Sweet (series)

All This Time

On That Note

Ace of Hearts

Crush

Daydream

One

Heart Beat 

2. Work you are most proud of (and why):

Probably Bitter Ends Turn Sweet. First of all, just knowing there was a song called Chicago on FITF had me shook. Then, the first time I heard it, it was just such a fanfic that the whole story was just right there in my head as soon as the song was over. And I was like...nah. I'm not gonna write a long kid fic, right? RIGHT?? I've written angst before, but writing about a child made me emotional in a way I've never felt while writing in part because I was writing a disabled child. And for that matter I wrote a trans character into this fic as well. But I wanted to write this in a way that made it clear how deeply loved and celebrated these characters were to their families and the people around them. Maybe I made their characters have it unrealistically easy, but it's what I wanted for them just as I want that for my disabled and trans family and friends in real life.

3. Work you are least proud of (and why):

I wouldn't say I'm not proud of any of them, but the time stamps I wrote for Bitter Ends are just things that didn't fit into the main story. And I feel like there's a reason they didn't, if that makes sense. But I thought it might be fun for anyone who liked the fic to read those bits of it, which is why I published them at all.

4. A favorite excerpt of your writing:

oof I can never find anything. Here's something from Bitter Ends:

Harry shrugged. “Maybe. Gem said it was okay to make mistakes like dancing with the wrong guys.”

Louis nodded, considering. “How about dancing with the right guy?”

Harry’s heart pounded harder, and he wasn’t sure it had anything to do with the dancing. “I don’t know. He didn’t say anything about that.”

He’d now lost Liam amidst the dancers, but it was hard to concentrate on that with Louis this close. Louis’ hand splayed out across his back, keeping him close as the beat slowed. 

They’d both dressed in black. And although Harry’s shirt was filmy with a bit of lace and Louis’ a t-shirt sheer enough to see his tattoos through, they were near enough to one another that Harry couldn’t tell where one fabric ended and another began.

Perhaps he could blame muscle memory on why he lifted his arms and wrapped them around Louis’ shoulders, close enough now to feel Louis’ breath at his neck, cooling his heated skin just there as desire zipped down his spine. 

The bit of scruff still on Louis’ cheeks slid against the bare skin of Harry’s shoulder peeking through where his shirt had slipped down, and Harry was thankful for the volume of the bar blocking out the sound of his moan. The whirl of lights danced across his vision, caught up in this moment with Louis.

5. Share or describe a favorite review you received:

There's this one for Bitter Ends: What a gift!!! What a wonderful, sweet, tear inducing gift of fabulous writing! Every word, every sentence of story building was exquisite. I could do nothing else but read this from start to finish and will reread it again and again. Max was an inspired character, so real and so loved. Thank you for this.

And this one for Ace of Hearts: I had no idea I loved early 19th century pirate stories as much as I do now. I couldn’t leave a comment until I finished reading all the parts. I don’t remember when I started but I did forgot to eat for awhile. I haven’t read a story with so many twists and well written.

And basically every single one for Do You See What I See because they're all the same thing...people yelling at me when they find out the twist hahahaha

6. A time when writing was really, really hard:

No one come for me, but I wouldn't say there's ever a time where it's really hard to do. BUT sometimes it's really hard for me to make time for it.

7. A scene or character you wrote that surprised you:

I spent YEARS trying to come up with a plot for a Louis/Cillian Murphy fic. Nothing felt right. And then it somehow occurred to me that what I really wanted to write was Louis/Tommy Shelby and once I figured that out the story immediately came to me.

8. How did you grow as a writer this year:

I always like to try my hand at new things, so this year I wrote girl direction for the first time, some new rare pairs, I wrote an advent fic, both my longer fics are kid fics, which is wild to me lol.

9. How do you hope to grow next year:

Whoops. Had to come back and add this in. I just hope to find more time to write and keep finding more challenges for myself.

10. Who was your greatest positive influence this year as a writer (could be another writer or beta or cheerleader or muse etc etc):

If you looked through my author's notes this year, you'd definitely notice how often I thanked @nouies I couldn't have done half of what I did this year without Lou. Her encouragement and making fic posts and reading things over for me helped me enormously. To have someone supporting and keeping me going was just everything. And always @louandhazaf for betaing my fics and always being excited to read whatever new thing I've come up with to write! Thank you x a million, Nic!

11. Anything from your real life show up in your writing this year:

lol yes. hmmm where to start...Bitter Ends has a lot of my son and the things my family likes to do in Chicago in it. Do You See What I See is based on a FB ad I saw that I found hysterically funny and also based on the animals that run around in the wooded ravine behind my house. Daydream takes place in a coffee shop that I like to go to. And Heart Beat takes place in a fictional version of my hometown, has a fictional version of my cat in it, and has a plot inspired by me spending a lot of time in a converted cathedral listening to my son play the drums.

12. Any new wisdom you can share with other writers:

I think I say the same thing every year...READ!!! It's important of course to make time for the actual writing. And writing as much as possible if your goal is to become better at it, but analyzing other people's writing is how a lot of people grow as a writer. What is it about your favorite novels/fics that you love? Read or reread them with a critical eye at what exactly the writer is doing so you can try it out in your own writing.

13. Any projects you’re looking forward to starting (or finishing) in the new year:

I (think??? lol) I'm only signed up to write for @1dalphalouisfest but I'll probably sign up for @1domegaverseficfest too. And obviously I'll write for my own fest @louisrarepairfest I have this soulmates fic that I've been simmering in my brain for a while and I just recently started to figure a few things out for it. So it may or may not fit into one of those fests.

14. Tag three writers whose answers you’d like to read. ;)

@jacaranda-bloom @nouies @lululawrence and anyone else who wants to do this just say I tagged you!

*All answers should be about works published in 2023

Thank you for the tag @louandhazaf!!! I’m honestly clutching my chest that you tagged me, so thank you xxx especially since i love this little self eval that i think @juliusschmidt came up with all those years ago and we just keep perpetuating it haha

this... is going to get long, though. since it asks me to list my works published this year and that is 24. so. here goes.

1. List of works published this year:

Swerve the Handshake (Nick/Louis)

Need So Much of You (Harry/Louis for @onedirectionbigbang)

You're A (Total) Distraction (girl!direction and hybrid Harry/Louis for @wallsficfest)

Always Keep You Next To Me (Greg/Louis for @wallsficfest)

With Your Hand In Mine (Nick/Louis for @wallsficfest)

Smells Like Omega Spirit (Harry/Louis for @1daboficfest)

If Only We Wish Hard Enough (Harry/Louis for @disneydirectionfest)

Political Pizza (Harry/Louis for @wordplayfics)

Talk the Night Through (Harry/Louis for @wordplayfics)

Wrinkles (Harry/Louis for @1000feelingsfics)

Would You Be My Girlfriend? (girl!direction Harry/Louis for @wordplayfics)

Lately You've Been On My Mind (Harry/Louis for @wordplayfics)

Don't Want It Any Other Way (Harry/Louis for @wordplayfics)

I'm Ready for the Worst (Greg/Louis for @louisandmenfest)

Loving You's the Antidote (Nick/Harry/Louis for @finelineficfest)

Do You Know Who You Are? (Harry/Louis for @finelineficfest)

Don't You Call Him (What You Used To Call Me) (Harry/Louis for @finelineficfest)

Gone Too Long (From You) (Harry/Louis co-written with @fallinglikethis for @finelineficfest)

Just Me and the Stars Can Get Lonely (Niall/Rory McIlroy for @heartbreakweatherficfest)

The Way You Bend the Rules (Niall/Rory McIlroy for @heartbreakweatherficfest)

And Then I Saw His Face (Harry/Louis for @1dtrickortreatfest)

I'mma Give You A Promotion (Nick/Louis)

What You Waiting For? (Nick/Harry for @1000feelingsfics)

(I'm Dreaming of a) One Night Inn (Harry/Louis, Zayn/Liam, Niall/Shawn)

2. Work you are most proud of (and why):

every time i think about this question i’ve got a different answer, to be honest. i do think my I Go Down Blazing, Feeling Like I'm Going Crazy series is probably what i’m most proud of, though. as soon as i knew @runaway-train-works was going to be hosting the heartbreak weather fic fest, i knew i wanted to write dear patience, but as the idea grew and grew and more ideas solidified and i realized what the story was turning into, i realized it was so much more than i originally thought and i needed a second song to help me fully get a solid grasp on it. in the end, it was a hard duo of fics to write, mainly because i honestly don’t know much of anything about golf, i was still trying to create fully the way soulmates worked in the world, and there’s just not all that much about rory online to find, so i was winging it haha but i’m so incredibly happy with the world i made and the fics i wrote, even if i don’t know that they’ll ever get to like 200 hits or whatever hahaha i love them.

Tagged by a few people now ( @cats-and-metersticks, @imsfire2, and I think @callioope?) so I finally got around to doing it. The premise: examine the opening paragraph of the last 10 stories I posted, look for trends, patterns, weaknesses.

The point: understanding my own thought patterns, writing habits, and identifying possible underdeveloped points in my style or technical ability.

Victory Cake

Cassian opens his door, his clothes slightly rumpled, his face tired, but his eyes alert. Jyn feels a momentary flash of guilt, because she’s clearly just woken him up and if anyone in this rebellion needs sleep, it’s him. But the guilt is overwhelmed quickly enough by the urgency of her dilemma, and she vows internally that she’ll make it up to him, later.

(Jyn POV. Character action-> POV character’s reaction; long sentences, many commas)

2022 Writing Self-Evaluation

I was tagged by: @boosbabycakes28 @chai-hat-tea @lunarheslwt @larrieblr @wabadabadaba @disgruntledkittenface @onlythebravest @starsweredible @thedevilinmybrain

1. Number of stories posted to AO3 this year: 7

2. Total word count posted to AO3 for the year: 100, 852

3. List of works published this year: these are in order by date posted

Ace of Spades

But We Could Be So Good

Should Have Known

Walk of Shame

Next Door 

St. Elena 

This Beautiful Fantastic 

4. Work you are most proud of (and why): Probably Ace of Spades. It's a fic I've been thinking about for years, probably since I started writing fics. It was the first time for me writing a true adaptation, and it was a subject matter...pirates...that I hadn't ever written before either. It was quite interesting adapting something like this. In the past I've adapted things but made them into something modern, whereas in this one I made the story a/b/o and changed the point of view. lol is that actually different than what I've done before? I don't know, I'm tired.

5. Work you are least proud of (and why): I wouldn't say I'm not proud of any of them. I'd say I mostly just wish I'd been able to write more.

6. A favorite excerpt of your writing: from Ace of Spades

“Louis?” he asked, frightened at the sound. The room seemed to vibrate with it.

Louis smiled down at him. “Don’t worry, love. Just whales. You can hear them talk to each other on nights like this. They sound a bit sad at first, but the more you listen to them the less melancholy they sound. When I hear them now, their voices sound as charming as a songbird. Would you like something to drink?”

Harry nodded, so Louis held him up, supporting him in his arms as he helped him sip a cup of water. When he was done, Harry had no desire to be released from Louis’ strength. “Could we sit by the window? I want to hear the whales more clearly.”

Without speaking, Louis picked him up and carefully brought him to the window bench. Harry kept his hands clutched to Louis’ shirt, staring into the chest and soft hair he found there. Louis seemed to know what he desired and opened his shirt further so that Harry could press his cheek against the skin there. 

“I wonder what whales talk about,” Harry said against Louis’ chest.

“Mm? Well, I suppose they’ve heard you’re ill.” A loud moan called from the sea. “Ah, now they’re saying how terribly sorry they are to hear of your sickness. They’ve decided to send one of them to fetch cool breezes from the Arctic to keep you comfortable.”

Harry smiled against Louis’ skin. Another whale moaned an answering call.

“Now they’ve saying that when you’ve recovered, you’re welcome to go whale back riding.”

With a snort, Harry curled into Louis’ body further. They were quiet for a time, simply listening to the whales in the night.

7. Share or describe a favorite comment you received: This is part of a comment that I loved..."i wish i could erase all memory i have of this fic just so that i can read it again with fresh eyes again and again. i will definitely reread this one"

8. A time when writing was really, really hard: All the time? lol. That's not entirely true, but I just didn't find myself with a lot of time to write. Or maybe the emotional capacity to write. It's been a hard year.

9. A scene or character you wrote that surprised you: I wrote a lot of Zayn this year, including some Zayn pov, which was new for me, and I really enjoyed writing the Zayn characters more than I ever have.

10. How did you grow as a writer this year: I noticed something surprising happening this year, which is that I became someone who can write thousands of words at a time. That used to be something that rarely happened for me. I would be good about writing almost every day, but not writing a lot in one sitting. I'm not entirely sure how this has happened, but I'm not mad about it lol.

11. How do you hope to grow next year: I always want to find something new to write and work on, so I'm definitely have some new things planned for that Chicago fic for sure...kid fic, mpreg. New territories for me right there. Also, I want to work more on how I write details in my writing. I feel like I've improved a lot, but I have more there to work on.

12. Who was your greatest positive influence this year as a writer (could be another writer or beta or cheerleader or muse etc etc): I feel emotional thinking about everyone who has helped me this year. Always always always @taggiecb, my writing soulmate, read everything I wrote (even though she's never even read or seen Harry Potter and had to google things to understand my Drarry fics) and gave me the motivation and desire to keep writing. @louandhazaf for being such an amazing beta and polishing everything up and always being willing to jump in with whatever genre I've decided on next. @lululawrence is always there for me to kick my ass when I need it and also keeps me from doing stupid things lol. @nouies for being so kind and supportive and generous with her cheerleading and art. My Drarry fics would not have existed without @haztobegood and @fallinglikethis dragging me through them when I felt like giving up. I feel like I could go cry now.

13. Anything from your real life show up in your writing this year: not really. I think I subconsciously stayed far away from my real life. lol.

14. Any new wisdom you can share with other writers: When I talk about the things I want to work on in my writing, it's because I've read it elsewhere. The more I analytically read, the more I find things to work on with my own writing.

15. Any projects you’re looking forward to starting (or finishing) in the new year: I'm signed up to write a fic based on Chicago for the @faithinthefutureficfest which I'm really excited about! And I'm going to run the @louisrarepairfest again in 2023 with the same schedule, so I'll definitely write something for that, too.

16. Tag 3 writers whose answers you’d like to read.

I'm going to tag more than 3... everyone I've tagged in the post for other reasons + @kingsofeverything @thinlinez @homosociallyyours @louistomlionson @jacaranda-bloom @pocketsunshineharry @phd-mama @evilovesyou @parmahamlarrie and anyone who wants to do this!

--Went looking for @juliusschmidt's original form and realized how much it's changed over the years! So I just picked one and went with it--

Thanks for the tags @kingsofeverything @boosbabycakes28 @wabadabadaba @disgruntledkittenface @quelsentiment @ladyaj-13 @haztobegood @solvetheminourdreams @whatevertearsyou @lt2soon @uhoh-but-yeah-alright !

1. Number of stories posted to AO3:

6 (one is anon sooo it's not listed)

Hometown

Fakes (Streaming Live)

Only

Unraveled

Rapture

2. Word count posted for the year: 64228 (trying not to be too sad about this, but it's the least fic I've written since 2016. blah.)

3. Fandoms I wrote for: One Direction

4. Pairings: Louis/Harry

5. Story with the most:

Kudos: Only

Bookmarks: Only

Comments: Only

6. Work I’m most proud of (and why):

Probably Unraveled. My favorite thing to do in writing is write something new to me. I've always been like this by the way in like everything I've ever done in my life. lol. If it's not a challenge, I'm not that proud of it. Also, I can't even believe that fic got written when my life was/is such a dumpster fire. Anyway, I really impressed my beta and I live/write for her approval.

7. Work I’m least proud of (and why):

This is the first year ever where I'm truly proud of every fic I wrote...in the year I wrote the least. Oof. What does that say about me? Let's pretend it means nothing.

8. Share or describe a favorite review you received:

This was for Unraveled :

this was so entertaining! i really like action in fics and i think you did a wonderful work with this one. i’m sure it took a lot of research but feel proud because the result was amazing. the only thing missing was popcorn but maybe when i reread it. i remember when you told me about this prompt and i’m very happy that you could work with it in the way you did. i admit that i don’t always go for older louis/older harry fics, but to be honest your characterisation was so on point that i forgot about my preferences for a second and i just let myself enjoy. and the sex scenes were so hot. reading this felt like those first times that i read smut, when i would blush instantly because everything felt so new. that’s how this felt, very fresh for me. also! you got me there with the two bad guys. i, for a moment, thought that ****took out the spoiler lol**** had something to do with it too. the way everything developed was so intriguing, and i wanted to know more and more. i think that’s fantastic in a fic. anyway, i feel like i’m just saying obvious things at this point. thanks for sharing your story with us! and thank you because today was particularly hard for me, mentally, but your story put me back into my safe place that is fan fiction.

9. A time when writing was really, really hard:

Um, this entire year? I think what's most depressing about it for me is that I am full of ideas and inspiration and motivation to write. But I don't have time to do it. I just don't. Fucking Covid.

10. A scene or character you wrote that surprised you:

Irene, an OC for Only. I had an entirely different character planned even with a different name. And I started writing the first scene of this fic and Irene showed up out of nowhere and started talking. I always know when that happens to just go with it, and of course, she ended up being the perfect character for the fic.

11. A favorite excerpt of your writing:

Basically anything from Unraveled, maybe in particular the action/violence scenes. I kind of surprised myself when I was writing them because they turned out just how I wanted.

And here's something from Rapture which published today...

The snow fell softly around Harry as he trudged through the muck and slush on the London streets. If he had turned his face to the sky, perhaps he would have admired the way the snowflakes fell past the gas lit street lamps, but his eyes saw only the sludge at his feet. Misery rather than cold hunched his shoulders, keeping his eyes trained to the mud under his boots.

If Harry had been human, even the expensive leather boots on his feet and heavy coat would not have been able to keep out the chill. However, that was not an issue for him any longer and hadn’t been for many a year. He wore them now only so as not to draw unnecessary and unwanted attention to himself.

As he passed pubs and churches, music filtered out into the streets. Festive music, the worst sort to his mind, reminded him only of that which he would never have again. Christmas had come and gone and the new year was nearly here, and he would spend it in lonely solitude yet again. Instead of dwelling on that kind of remembrance, he focused on the sound of his boots as they squelched through the filth.

Later in the night Harry would roam through dark alleys to feed where the foul stench of the miserable gathered. Only one reason, one person, drew Harry from his home at this particular time of the evening, when the grey day gave way to darkness.

12. How did you grow as a writer this year:

I always have some personal goals in my writing that generally have to do with trying to write something new or in a new way. So this year I worked on writing better descriptions. Not necessarily more description, but just better. I tend to rely heavily on visual description, so I tried to incorporate more sound and touch and feel into my descriptions. For Unraveled I changed up my natural pacing to fit the themes of the fic, and that worked out better than I expected really.

13. How do you hope to grow next year:

One thing that I'd like to do next year (that I did this year) is to only write things that feel like the right kind of challenge for me. I might publish a few more anonymous fics as well. It felt very freeing for me to publish a fic anonymously this year.

14. Who was your greatest positive influence this year as a writer (could be another writer or beta or cheerleader or muse etc etc):

Always @taggiecb. Her feedback is what keeps me writing. Her input is truly invaluable to everything that I write. She knows my writing better than I know it myself, and she's my biggest cheerleader in basically all areas of my life not just writing.

15. Anything from your real life show up in your writing this year:

It always does to some extent, but I think this year I really veered away from it more than I ever have before. I was more interested in writing anything but reality this year lol.

16. Any new wisdom you can share with other writers:

I always say the same crap. And I've got nothing new this year either, I'm afraid. Keep writing and keep reading. That's all I've got.

17. Any projects you’re looking forward to starting (or finishing) in the new year:

I may or may not write a wip. Maybe more than one??? I'm thinking of writing a wip based on a drabble I wrote years ago for @becomeawendybird that I still think about, The Duke's Diamond. Also, I'm now an admin on @hlficlibrary so I've been working on some ideas for that blog! I want to do monthly fic recs and monthly moodboards/fic trailers. Be sure to tag us for reblogs on your Larry fics! I'll probably continue to do a lot of fic fandom stuff because it's fun for me and I want to be as supportive as possible to the fic writers in our fandom!

18. Tag some writers whose answers you’d like to read.

I'll tag: @zanniscaramouche @mercurial-madhouse @absoloutenonsense @becomeawendybird @jacaranda-bloom @skipperxao3 @cyantific @loulovehome @sun-tomato @2tiedships2 @princelyharry if you haven't already and want to!

I go through spurts of it all

Love and indifference, reason and chaos

Quiet and obnoxious, obsession and isolation

I never wake up quite the same

Night changes me somehow

I feel the calm during the storm

The sly sinister smile through the rage

And as quickly as the emotions came

They burn out and diminish

Here and there around my mind

I hate just as easily as I tolerate

Being this unsteady hurts