#seeking sr

The character in question is one of three main characters in the narrative. The story itself spans a number of genres but one of them is like "abuse horror" or something along those lines, as well as sci-fantasy, courtroom drama and black comedy. The other two characters are not transmisogynized.

The character in question and his immediate relatives have the ability to do verbally-based mind control (not mind-reading, not infallible). Most of his coworkers (side characters), including the ones he's in direct charge of, can do mind control - men, women, not a power along gendered lines. The other two members of the main trilogy cannot do mind control. All of the main characters are very long-lived human-dragon shapeshifters living in secret in a world mostly populated by humans, and the character in question is something around 4,000 years old. I've always written him as both GNC and someone who wears fashion that was—in its time and place—traditionally considered normatively masculine but reads to a modern eye as feminine now that standards for fashion and presentation are different.

The character is an abusive partner whose behavior is positioned as genuinely awful and destructive to the people around him within the narrative. I wouldn't describe him as the only villain of the story, or really call it a story with an explicit villain out of the main trio, but he is still an unambiguous abuser. He is aware his behavior is harmful but has completely given up on trying to improve as a person after having it functionally hammered into his head that he is ontologically harmful to be around. The other two members of the main cast are one of his past partners and his present partner, both of whom he was (and in one case, is) horrible to.

The same character has also been horrifically abused in the past (childhood neglect, sexual and physical violence later in life) and continues to be abused in the present in the context of a very invasive and high-stakes family-business sort of situation, at the hands of his father (not the childhood neglectful family) and his father's coworkers.

He is also in a weird position where, in an immediate interpersonal context, he has immense power over the people around him, the abuse isn't known to most of his coworkers and is only a thing that the main trio are aware of, and after a lot of the misery he's put through in secret, he very publicly externalizes his feelings about it in the form of violence done to the people around him.

The main reason he is so abusive is because he is petrified of what people might do to him if he lets them have any power over him. To make sure it's impossible, he's constantly affirming (through violence, threats, force, magic, etc) that he has all of the power in his life and the people around him have nothing over him. This also reaffirms his belief that everyone is dangerous and he can't trust anyone, because he would misuse any power he's given, so surely they would, too. He's not just ontologically evil. This mindset is a central pillar of the story and it's themes and I'm trying to position it as something both sympathetically handled and condemned by the story / not positioned as an excuse (I've heard from people I respect a lot that I'm walking this line well enough that I'm comfortable writing this part of the story as I've been).

He is mentally ill (mostly drawn from my own life when I was at my worst) as a result of the lifelong abuse he's been subjected to, and has not been able to access treatment (nor in a headspace where he would take it/be able to handle his minset being challenged if help was available anyway). Later in the story after the abuse finally ends/changes (I'll elaborate), he gets access to mental healthcare and begins to improve as a person, but is not "fixed" by the end of the story because he refuses to relinquish power over the people closest to him despite technically being able to do so. His being GNC is not related to his being mentally ill in any way and I'm already working to keep that extremely clear.

In his current incarnation/the version of the story and character that I haven't modified, the main character has been visibly GNC his entire life. His abusers have always treated it as a simultaneous source of disgust and a target he willingly painted on himself, and they tend to react with derision and violence if he doesn't present as appropriately gender-conforming when interacting with them.

He is always going to self-identify as both cis and straight through the entire story because of his mindset around power and his refusal to accept a position that people feel like they "can" discriminate against, which is something he does with basically any marginalized identity he has (he will also never willingly identify as a victim, as mentally ill, etc, regardless of whether it's immediately obvious or not). He is textually framed as bisexual and is in a relationship with a cis man after being in a relationship with a cis woman, despite maintaining that he's straight whenever questions or comments are made, and he will earnestly argue for an interpretation of 'straightness' where he can be both straight and attracted to men without contradiction as though this is normal.

Because of this, a straight-up "barely-closeted transfem refusing to acknowledge her own crossdressing when questioned and not being able to actually transition" reading has very obvious legs, even though it's not something I intended and not something I think I can handle without SR work both before and after the story is written. This is a huge HUGE part of why I want to work with an actual transfem SR instead of just looking for a cis GNC SR or something. If he is transfem, he's never going to be in a position where he can acknowledge it about himself and absolutely not come out publicly, so for the purposes of the story he's a GNC cis man but like idk i think you see what I mean.

Also, for context, I came up with this character as a parody of absurd Jewish stereotypes when I was sixteen and he's a dangerous gnc cis man because I'm a gnc trans man who found that space (GNC, cis, outlet for violent desires in a safe space) affirming to play in at the time. The character was meant to stay in a roleplay space between me and my then-fiancee. I had a lot going on mentally and not much of it was good, and a lot of it is something I've projected heavily onto the cast of this story. It's only recently that I've decided to write an actual story with the characters involved. The more I've turned them over in a more serious and more public context, the more I've decided that I really need to be more serious about the transmisogynistic tenor that a lot of this has.