🎥 National Treasure (2004)
🍿 4.5/5 Popcorn Buckets | 🗺️ History Buff Chaos | 🧭 Founding Father Fanfiction> Half a bucket off because now I can’t go to a museum without wondering if there’s a secret staircase to buried treasure.
“I’m going to steal the Declaration of Independence.”Sir, what?
⚠️ Spoilers Ahead! But this one lives rent-free in our brains anyway. And I'm sure you've seen it at least twice on TNT.
National Treasure is what happens when you give a hyper-intelligent, morally flexible history nerd unlimited coffee, access to the National Archives, and Nicolas Cage’s entire range of intense eyebrow acting. It’s over-the-top, historically unhinged, and weirdly inspiring.
🧨 The Plot: Ben Gates (Nicolas Cage) is a man on a mission—because apparently, every bedtime story your grandpa told you about the Founding Fathers hiding secret treasure under America is completely factual. When the feds, the museums, and everyone with common sense says “don’t,” Ben says “I’m stealing it anyway.” And so begins the greatest history-themed crime caper of all time.
Cue heists, hidden codes, secret Freemason tunnels, and a lot of people dramatically reading parchment.
🔍 Notes From My Unhinged Brain:
Was the frozen corpse on the frozen ship necessary? Probably. But also… jump scare.
Ben cuts his hand for invisible ink and doesn’t flinch. Sir, when I get a paper cut, I cry and need Neosporin and three days off. What is your pain tolerance?!
Riley is logical. I like Riley. He’s a sarcastic tech nerd and says what we’re all thinking. Underappreciated king.
Ben is hella smart though. I may roast, but credit where it’s due—his brain is like a walking AP U.S. History textbook.
According to the Declaration, we can overthrow the government if needed. So who’s bringing snacks and who's driving? I call aux.
They’re underground in a dusty, ancient tunnel and somehow only Ben gets dirty. Movie logic, baby.
The guy at the end when Ben pops out of the tunnel is all “AHH!”, but with facial expressions. And same, my dude. Same. I too would scream if Nic Cage emerged from the wall like a sweaty colonial ghost.
Riley driving across Ben’s pristine lawn? Rude. But also, somehow… on brand.
SEAN BEAN LIVES. For once. He’s still the villain, sure, but a living villain. And unfairly attractive. Do with that what you will.
🧭 Cast of Unhinged History Enthusiasts:
Ben Gates (Nicolas Cage): National artifact thief with a heart of gold and vibes of an intense trivia team captain.
Riley Poole (Justin Bartha): Comic relief and voice of reason. Deserved more credit and way more chill.
Abigail Chase (Deane Kruger): Museum director turned ride-or-die co-conspirator. We love a girl who can flirt and forge a declaration theft.
Ian Howe (Sean Bean): Charmingly evil. Hot and wrong. A villain we low-key want to know our number.
💎 Best Scenes to Etch in History:
“I’m going to steal the Declaration of Independence.”—Cage delivers it with Shakespearean seriousness.
The gala heist where everyone is panicking in tuxedos.
Abigail casually handing over the Declaration like it’s a 20% return at Target.
That underground treasure room reveal that screams “this will collapse in 5 seconds” and “worth it.”
😤 Minor Gripes:
Abigail’s assistant? Gone. Vanished. Hope she’s doing okay.
The romance subplot? Exists. That’s all.
The FBI arrives just in time to miss everything, per usual. But we’re not here for logic—we’re here for Nic Cage running through history and looking determined.
🎯 Final Thoughts:
National Treasure is a patriotic fever dream, where every conspiracy theory your uncle ranted about at Thanksgiving turns out to be real. It’s bold, it’s ridiculous, and it’s FUN. Nicolas Cage is perfectly unhinged, Riley is our collective inner monologue, and yes, we all Googled whether there’s actually a map on the back of the Declaration.
