I looked at you but you were looking at the moon

fresh sheets and the light from my bedside lamp, and the feeling that everything may be alright mingled with a sense of great uncertainty

So anxious and my heart hurts

Stress really increases my sense of escapism. I dream about holidays and functional hotel rooms; glacier-blue lakes and seas and sand dust. I have to yank my floating thoughts down because I cannot live my life thinking about alternate lives. As I watched my professor lecture today, I noticed how sharp her focus was, how in the moment she was and I wished that I had that, as opposed to wandering eyes and wistfulness.

I was chasing moving on and in the process, it slips away from my fingers like shadows looming in a tunnel. 

I am the architect of my undoing/ but with every ruin there is life

It’s 2 am and it’s my 20th birthday today and so I’m 20 on the 20th! A lifetime achievement ha