#scratching tw

more thoughts about hand pain and then the feeling of confused relief when something actually helps

Its (her/him/them), isn’t it?

Sometimes Yasha could still hear the voices in the back of her head, telling her to stab, slash, punch, kick get out of whatever calm she was in.

Cooking dinner in the cottage with Beau, a normal night, Yasha had to keep her eyes and mind fixed on the pasta, she didn't want to throw the pot, she didn't want to throw the knife, she wanted Obann out of her fucking head now.

She didn't notice anything wrong she thought she had it all under control right now just stirring the pasta, keeping an eye on the vegetables in the oven.

The wooden spoon she was using to stir the pasta flew out of her hands, she'd been stirring so fast water was spilling out.

Beau looked up from her book in the living room, "Hey babe what's up?" She asked, setting down the book.

Her face was plastered with concern, Yasha wasn't one to be unsteady like this.

"Just-" She took a deep breath, "Thoughts,"

"It's him isn't it?" Beau quietly asked, her voice steeped deep in concern and resent for the man. She could recognize when Yasha felt Obann seep into her mind by now, from the nightmares where she woke up scratching her face to redness, to squeezing her arm until the blood stopped circulating, Obann was still with Yasha.

"It is," Yasha quietly said, stepping back from the kitchen.

"It's alright angel, remember, they're just thoughts. He can't actually make you do anything. Take a deep breath." Beau walked over, setting a hand on Yasha's back and her own chest, modeling the breaths.

Yasha did as she was told, letting her heart rate fall back to normal.

"Can you Polymorph me?" Yasha asked.

"Of course," Beau replied, taking Yasha by the forearm to sit on the couch.

Beau kissed Yasha on the forehead and quickly cast the spell, turning Yasha into a large husky.

Beau loved Yasha like this, she wasn't afraid of her mind, she just felt happy, she wanted peanut butter and a ball, she wanted to cuddle up next to Beau.

The hour went by quickly, at least in Beau's mind. One moment she was throwing the ball to Yasha and the next they had drifted to sleep on the couch and the next the human Yasha had an arm wrapped around the human.

Heya! Hope you all had some success last night!

I personally didn’t, probably either because I couldn’t count to save my life, kept daydreaming about other things, forgot what affirmations were, or kept moving. So maybe a lot went wrong last night. But I’m back in the game, and I think I got some great progress! 

I was using a method that I made up that was pretty much a mashup of the I AM/Julia method and the Raven method. The steps are pretty much the same (they both merge at the counting), so I just did that. 

I definitely felt symptoms right out of the gate. Like, even before I started counting. It was a feeling of heaviness and like tingling; it was a familiar feeling for me. But then I felt a really werid pain in my arm, like a needle or something pressing against it? It was like really intense, and I instinctively scratched at it. But then it came back?? It was really weird. It could have been something from my DR, but it was too specific for me to pinpoint. 

But then I kept loosing track of counting, affirmations, all that. But at least I got some progress! Gotta keep my head up! Anyways, hope you all are having an amazing morning/afternoon/night and succeed in shifting!