When I fail to exist.
I could remember the sound of cars passing in the distance, it was like a low hushing sound .. every 2 by 2 seconds.
It was pretty dim outside, just a bit after sunset; with a warmish wind blowing. It felt like it was almost the start of spring but nothing was blooming yet. The sky was pretty dark and clouds gathered in a dense blot above the little city that I used to live in.
-Thoughts-
How come everybody thinks that their problems are the heaviest things to carry day-by-day. We have so many fucked up things around us. How come we never learn to live in this day? ..I mean seriously. IN THIS particular day; not yesterday, not tomorrow, but today.
In all our selfishness we only think of what affects ourselves and I can't even remember how many times we missed out on good opportunities just to simply ask others around us how do THEY feel and what big of a difference that would have made.
Do you ever wonder how is it like no to be around anymore?
I tried somehow simulating this with not going on social media anymore. But instead completely deleting my accounts, I left them there..just to give myself some access to that world, to still be able to lurk around and feel the beauty of everyone not knowing that I'm there. This is how I imagine being a ghost would be like...
only, I think that somehow I was trying to feel the feeling of being missed. Maybe I thought that someone would care enough about my absence. Maybe there's just that one person that once felt a pleasure in having a conversation with me, someone that truly wonders what I'm actually up to. But no one did. Big surprise.
Maybe that's how death really is. People will start getting used to not seeing you walk down the street and the lady that works at the small kiosk near your flat will start asking herself how come she doesn't see you come by anymore, assuming that probably you have moved to another part of the city and everyone will start forgetting how your voice sounds like and then that you even existed.
