#scottyangst

Dear Y/N,

You are one of the most infuriating, stubborn, quick-witted people I have ever met.  I don't know how we made it through the first week of working together.  I thought one of us was going to kill the other. 

But once you got your head out of your ass.  Once we started to get along, we were actually able to work together, and were finally able to put both of our big brains together and get stuff done.  

You snorted as you read on:

And I'm sorry for yelling at you.  I know I already told you that, but I really am.  I am especially sorry for dismissing you that first week.  I know you probably don't care that much but I regret pulling rank and turning on you like that.  I just couldn't stand you looking at me with such hatred and contempt, like I was just some stiff old guy that was getting in your way. It nearly killed me.  

Because if you looked at me like that, I would never stand a chance.  

Because I am enthralled by you.  

You stopped breathing. 

Which is why I am writing all this stuff down rather than saying it to your face. But you'll never read this because I would probably die of embarrassment. Because when I look at you, my brain goes haywire.  I lose all ability to coherently form a sentence.  Maybe that's why I tease you so much, because anything else would come out as gibberish and you would think me a mad old fool.

It scares me, the way I feel about you, it makes me want to turn and run. Because I don't deserve someone as fierce and intelligent and beautiful as you.  But sometimes, the way you smile at me, it gives me hope, like you might harbour feelings for me too, but it's only fleeting, and the next moment you are yelling at me or teasing me or nearly zapping me with a live wire. 

So, if you ever do read this, just know that I loved you from the moment I laid eyes on you.  And every moment since.  

Yours, Montgomery

You were an idiot.

The overhead com system sounded: Dr. McCoy to the medbay, immediately.

Your heart dropped in your chest. For some reason you knew exactly what the call was for.  And you were on your feet and dashing down the hallway before you could stop yourself, stuffing the letter into your pocket. 

Skidding into the medbay, you were met with a cacophony of chaos, people running around everywhere, yelling, and machines were beeping and you could see flashes of injuries from the people lying on the biobeds.  Your heart was racing in your chest as you looked for, and dreading finding, the familiar red shirt and whispy brown hair that belonged to Scotty.  

A biobed slammed into your elbow and careened by, being pushed by a group of nurses, the red shirt making you take a second look, but it wasn't Scotty.  

Suddenly, a flash of familiar command gold appeared in the medbay and you stalked right up to him. 

"Jim, what happened?" You demanded almost breathlessly. 

"Away mission gone wrong, the building that they were in was invaded, there were a lot of... casualties." Jim explained, his eyes barely meeting yours and he began to stalk past you but you grabbed his arm. 

"Scotty." You dug your fingers into his arm and he looked back at you, recognizing the look of desperation,  "where's Scotty?"

He looked at you with sympathy, "We'll find him, Y/N.  I promise."

And then he was gone, into the chaos, and you were left frozen in the middle of it, feeling more alone, more helpless, than you had ever felt before.  

When you realized you were more in the way than anything in the medbay, you retreated back to the engineering room, pulling the letter out of your pocket and reading it over and over, your trembling fingers nearly tearing the worn paper.  You fought an internal battle with yourself, forcing yourself not to cry because if you did, you were going to turn into a sniveling mess, no use to anyone, and you were supposed to be in charge.  

But worry made ice flow through your veins and you couldn't focus on anything, even when Keenser came by and tugged on your sleeve.  

When your com beeped, you swear you took a breath for the first time in 20 minutes.  

"Y/N here." You trembled.

"We found him." It was Jim's voice, and though you should be elated at his words, his somber tone made fresh tears prick at your eyes. 

"I'll be right there." 

Snapping the com shut, you forced your stiff limbs to move from their perched position on the stool and you made your way to the medbay for the second time that day.  

"What happened?" You squeaked when you were met with an impenetrable wall of Jim Kirk on your way into the medbay. 

"We don't know 100%.  He lost a lot of blood.  Bones is working on him now." Jim explained. 

"Is he going to be okay?" You stammered, a tear sneaking its way down your cheek and you wiped it away quickly.  

Jim met your gaze firmly, his hand squeezing your forearm once, "They don't know yet." His voice was quiet, and you knew he was worried as well. 

"He has to be okay, Jim." You whispered, pleading with the somber captain.  

And then a change in Jim's expression, barely noticable, a raise in an eyebrow, his mouth falling open a millimeter more, and it was like he knew.  The expression was a mirror and made you realize you cared for Scotty much more than you'd like to admit.  More than you even realized.  

Jim gave you a knowing nod and placed his hand on your shoulder, giving it a quick squeeze before he disappeared out the medbay doors.  

And once again you were alone.  And once again you didn't know if your heart was going to be ripped out of your chest. 

Eventually they let you in to see him, after Dr. McCoy had deemed him stable enough. 

It was nearly a week after the accident, and you had been forced back to the engineering room, trying to keep the ship afloat while you felt like you were drowning.  You didn't know if you'd ever felt so worried in your entire life, to the point where you were questioning if you should even be worried, as you had only known Scotty for a few weeks before the accident.  

But it was like a disease, like he had become implanted into your brain, and you heard him and saw him wherever you went.  If you were fixing something, you knew exactly how he would tell you you were doing it wrong.  If you were lying in your bed, staring at the ceiling in an feeble attempt to sleep, you heard his laugh or the lilt of his accent, shooting back a sarcastic comment at something you said.

Dr. McCoy threatened to keep you in the medbay as a patient, commenting on how often you were in there, checking up on Scotty, but you knew he noticed your dark rimmed eyes and the few pounds you'd shed at the lack of appetite.  

Then, one day, he agreed it was time you could go in.  Your breath instantly caught in your chest and you nearly cried at the relief of being able to see Scotty after a week of torture.  

He looked awful.  

He was tucked into the biobed, the white sheets accentuating just how grey his skin looked, how dark the circles were under his eyes.  There was a bandage over a cut on his forehead, and a splint on his left wrist, a machine hovering over it that you recognized as a bone regenerator.  Another, similar machine was working on his right leg, which was wrapped in a thick white bandage.  He had many wires and tubes coming out of him that were connected to several machines, including one that was down his throat, which you recognized as a ventilator.  

"He's getting better, despite what he looks like." Dr. McCoy's gentle voice sounded from behind you, and he stepped into the room.

"He looks like crap." You let out a watery laugh, finally letting the tears that you had held in for so long find their way down your cheeks.  

"Yeah well, he's a fighter." A strong hand came down on your shoulder, making you release a little sob, "He's going to be fine, Y/N." Dr. McCoy's thumb stroked lines into your shoulder.

"Yeah, kid, you worry too much." A new voice sounded and a flash of command gold came into view.  Jim.

When he saw your tear-stained face he offered a weak smile before stepping forward and wrapping his arms around you, Dr. McCoy's hand falling away as you nearly fell into Jim's embrace, finally letting yourself feel all the emotions you kept at bay the entire week.

Jim held you for what felt like hours, stroking your back and whispering soft encouragements into your ear.  

"That stupid idiot, coming into my engineering room, turning everything upside down, and then going and nearly getting himself killed." You griped, taking shaky breaths from your spot against Jim's chest.

"I don't think the engineering room is the only thing he's turned upside down." Jim noted as he pushed you away, tucking a few locks of hair behind your ear before tapping your chin with his finger. 

Looking up at Jim, he gave you a soft mischievous smile, and it made you blush, "Shut up." You sniffed and pushed him away playfully, making him laugh softly. 

Then you turned to Scotty, approaching him achingly, but you didn't cry anymore, he was alive.  

You reached out and grabbed Scotty's hand, stroking your thumb over the warm skin, watching the way his chest rose and fell in even breaths thanks to the ventilator.  

Dr. McCoy said he was getting better, it would just take some time.  And you realized, for Montgomery Scott, you had all the time in the world. 

-Thanks for reading!  I hope you liked it!-

I don’t know why I keep writing Scotty writing love letters to people, but I just feel like he wouldn’t be able to vocalize his feelings well (or just spit them out all at once) so he would want to write them down. 

-Permanent tag list (let me know if you want to be added/removed): @feelmyroarrrr @jefferson-in-the-tardis@anyakinamidala@digitalmoonhowell @trekken81@fandomheadrush@kirkaholic123 @im-the-nerdiest-of-them-a11 @pinkamour1588 @to-pick-ourselves-up-7 @starmission @curiosity-killed-the-speedster

You heard heavy footsteps climb the metal stairs and saw this new man emerge from behind Jim.  

“Aye, Jim, I’m in the middle of re-calibrating the central system, whichever lunatic was here last converted the quantum regulator so it only picks up certain wave lengths…” The man started, his hands waving wildly and his thick accent made it hard to understand him, you assumed Scottish.

“The ship only needs to read the wave lengths that it could actually come across.  The settings before were set to pick up literally any wavelength, and it was using way too much power.” You interrupted, spinning on the man, your hackles raised at the newcomer. 

“Well what if ye come across IgT-3 wavelength?  Huh?  How are ya gonna go about picking tha’ up?” The man started, stepping towards you. 

“Well since that wavelength doESN’T EVEN EXIST ANYMORE, I can say we’re pretty safe.” You snapped, your hands tightening into fists. 

“It’s a wavelength, lass, not a damn unicorn!” The man argued and you were about to rip into him when Jim stepped in between you two. 

“Alright!  That’s enough, you two, you’re going to have to be working together, so you better cut it out!” Jim yelled, but he had a weirdly pleased look on his face. 

Jim turned and stepped to the side, indicating to the yelling Scottish man, “Y/N, this is Montgomery Scott, our new chief of engineering.  And Scotty,” Jim gestures to you now, “This is Lieutenant Y/N, who was Bobby’s right hand down here for the past two years.”

You reluctantly nodded at Scotty, the defensiveness you felt from before fleeing from you as you took in the older man.  He had wispy red-brown hair, brown eyes, and a furrow to his brow that looked like it was permanently part of his face.  Overall, he was quite handsome if not soft-looking, like a little bear cub, and you cursed yourself for thinking so as you had just screamed at him.

“Now, if you’ll excuse me, I do have to get back to running this ship.” Jim said, “Can I trust you guys not to kill each other for at least the rest of your shifts?”

Jim didn’t even let you or Scotty respond before he clapped his hands together, “Good!”

You scowled at Jim as he walked out and he looked back, giving you a wink before disappearing behind the automated doors.  

Turning now to Scotty, who was looking at you like you had a third eye, you gave him a weak smile. 

“Guess we’re going to be spending a lot of time together.” You shrugged. 

“I guess so.” Scotty stuffed his hands into his pockets and swung on his heels. 

“We don’t need the EL4-R wavelength detector either.” You said, meeting his eyes with a flash of amusement. 

“Well ye better have a good explanation for tha’, lass, because I am pretty stubborn.” Scotty gave you a smirk before turning and walking down the metal stairs, you quickly following behind him, beginning to heatedly defend the system you and Bobby had worked so hard to develop.  

“What are you staring at me for?  Am I doing something ‘wrong’ again?” You growled as you turned to Scotty and straightened out your shirt, throwing on your worst glare. 

It was a week into working with Scotty and things were not going well.

“You’d be much better off making those changes from th’outside, using the computer, rather than crawling up in there, ye might get stuck.” Scotty noted, crossing his arms over his chest and raising an eyebrow as he took in your grease-covered appearance. 

“You calling me fat, Mr. Scott?” You leered, pulling off your gloves slowly. 

“N-no, not at all, I jus’…” He sputtered, clearly taken aback by the question. 

“I went in because a belt was loose, and that is not something you can fix from the outside.” You explained, your voice threaded with bitterness, and stalked back to your workstation, Scotty right on your heels. 

“Lass, if we’re going to work together you’re gonna have t’stop being so… SO…” Scotty ranted and you spun on him, fury filling your veins. 

“What?!  Stop being so what, Mr. Scott?”

“SO DAMN INSUFFERABLE!” Scotty exploded, his arms flailing and his stance became defensive. 

“Mr. Scott, this is my ship, and it has been my ship for the past two years, so if I seem insufferable, it’s because you are on MY turf, trying to change the things that I programmed MYSELF.  It borders on insulting.”

“Lassie, half of the things yer able to program on this ship wouldn’t even be here if it weren’t for me.”

“Well I’m sorry your such a traditionalist, then, because TIMES CHANGE, OLD MAN!” You didn’t mean to call him old, but the insult just slipped out and you tried to apologize immediately, “I-I, didn’t mean that, I’m sor-”

“Get out.” Those two words made you snap your mouth shut with a click of teeth.  

You looked up to see Scotty’s expression was impassive and unreadable, his stance straight an unforgiving as he spoke, "Your shift is done for today.  You are dismissed.“

"I-I…” You were speechless, you never expected him to get this angry.

But as you met his eyes and saw how serious he was, your anger was renewed. You weren’t going to let him treat you like a child, and if he wanted you to leave, so be it.  You stalked passed him, grabbed your jacket, and you left, fairly sure that steam was coming out of your ears.

“Jim, he is intolerable, impossible, I-I can’t work with him.” You seethed, nearly crushing the glass that you held between your fingers. 

“You and him are exactly the same.” Jim chuckled, nursing his own drink, and you wanted to wipe the smile off his face. 

“We are not.  You can’t tell me I am half that stubborn." 

"If anything you are double as stubborn as he is.  Try to get past that, you guys have so much in common that you should be inseparable.”

You snorted, “Inseparable.  HA.  Jim, I can barely get through a work day without that man berating me for pressing a key on the keyboard.  I can’t wait to leave my shift everyday, just to get away from him.”

Jim shook his head, still smiling that knowing smile he seemed to always wear, his blue eyes sparkling as he looked to you, “Just consider this one thing.  On your evening off, away from the ever-insufferable Scotty, you have not stopped talking about him.  What does that say?”

You rolled your eyes as Jim stood, patted you on the shoulder, and left.  

Was Jim right?  You seemed to always be talking about him, most of the time complaining, and your thoughts nearly always roaming to his red-brown hair and kind eyes.  

No.  You shook your head, dispelling the thoughts.  When Bobby was back, everything would return to normal.  Everything that had been turned upside down would right itself.  Right?

-Thanks for reading!  I hope you liked it!-

Permanent Tag list (let me know if you want to be added/removed):  @feelmyroarrrr @jefferson-in-the-tardis@anyakinamidala@digitalmoonhowell @trekken81@fandomheadrush@kirkaholic123 @im-the-nerdiest-of-them-a11

"Riley?  Really?  He doesn't know a plasma chamber from a 10 volt battery.  I'm surprised we're still flying." Scotty joked, but his face fell when he saw your expression. 

"Now, lass, don't cry, it was just a joke, Riley'll get better one day, we'll teach him, you and I." Scotty's fingers reached up to touch your cheek again, but you pulled back, wiping at them yourself. 

"I better get going." You croaked, standing, trying to ignore the hurt look on Scotty's face, "I wouldn't want Riley getting the port defragmenter confused with quad-core compressor." 

Then you turned and left, despite Scotty's protests, a million unsaid words on your lips, your heart aching to stay with him, but you forced your feet forward, to get back to work.  

"Y/N, Scotty's asking for you again." Jim's voice came through the com you held up to your ear. 

"Tell him I'm busy." You called into the com as you wiped some grease off your brow. 

"He's very... insistent.  Why don't you just come down here?" Jim questioned, sounding very exasperated.  

"Because I'm busy, Jim." You retorted and snapped the com shut quickly, turning back to you work.

You hadn't gone to see Scotty since he first woke up, so afraid of spilling your feelings or doing something stupid that you couldn't bring up the courage to face him again.  So you threw yourself into your work.  A proper excuse if there ever was one.  

"Lass?" You were torso deep in an overhead boiler system and you banged your forehead at the sudden voice.  

You withdrew your upper body and rubbed at your forehead, looking around for the source of the voice. 

It was Scotty. 

"What are you doing here?  You're supposed to be in bed." You chided, but your voice held more malice than you had wished. 

"You wouldn't come see me, so I took matters into me own hands." Scotty sounded upset, but you couldn't bring yourself to meet his eyes.  

From where you were watching his knees you could see that he was leaning heavily on a crutch, and his balance was unsteady. 

"I've been busy, Scotty, the ship doesn't run itself." You started putting your tools away, which was difficult with your shaking hands. 

"You seemed alright to let Riley run things around here before, why not again?" Scotty argued, and you heard him take a couple of steps closer with his crutch. 

"Because you were right, he is an incompetent asshole." 

"What's the real reason why you ignored my calls?"

"I told you already.  I was busy." You stuffed a wrench in the toolbox. 

"I don't buy it, lass."

"Well you should, 'cause it's the truth." A screwdriver. 

"You've never lied to me before, what's going on with you?"

"Nothing." A small hammer. 

"It's obviously not nothing, you can tell me, Y/N, whatever it is, I won't be mad-."

"I READ THE LETTER." You slammed the toolbox lid closed with a loud clank. 

You were practically seething now, holding onto the toolbox for support, your shoulders heaving with each breath, your eyes watery. 

"Where did you even find that?" Scotty breathed, knowing you were seconds from breaking down. 

"I found it in your desk.  I...I don't know if you meant for me to ever see it, but I did.  I'm sorry I snooped." You stumbled over your words, heaving the heavy toolbox off the desk and turning to walk away. 

"Y/N, wait." Scotty called and you froze in your tracks, the toolbox swinging slightly in your hands, "before ya leave, all mad and upset and whatever else you're feeling, I need you to know one thing."

You were pretty sure you weren't breathing at this point, and you turned your head sideways to indicate to him that you were listening. 

"I meant every word." Scotty stated, and you nearly dropped the toolbox.  

It took every bit of strength inside of you to put one foot in front of the other and walk away.  

-Thanks for reading!  I hope you liked it!--Permanent tag list (let me know if you want to be added/removed): @feelmyroarrrr @jefferson-in-the-tardis@anyakinamidala@digitalmoonhowell @trekken81@fandomheadrush@kirkaholic123 @im-the-nerdiest-of-them-a11 @pinkamour1588 @to-pick-ourselves-up-7 @starmission @destielismymothership