#school and

I recently started talking to my former best friend again. We're not as close as we were before, and we never will be again, but I'm cool with him for now and he's cool with me.

I've taken up tennis again (god, what a preppy sport) because I used to play, and now I want a sport for sophomore year. Also, I just want some structure in my life out of school, and that should help.

It's weird; I've recently started to take more initiative and do homework ahead of time, and actually study for things. It's nice to have something to work towards now, but that's the problem.

I really don't now what I'm working towards, or what I work for, and aside from playing guitar and talking to friends I honestly think my life may have lost its purpose slightly. Sure, I now play tennis and I'm going to sleep at a reasonable time (as dictated by every suburban parent ever) and I promised myself that I'd be more open and talk to new people and make more friends, but...

I don't know if this change is for the better or for worse. I think I'm happier. I feel like, the way I used to live, tired and depressed, made the happy moments so much richer and deeper in meaning and feeling. So I guess that's why I feel so conflicted on this. I'm trying to find happiness but now that my life is finally stable, I'm still not sure if I'm really happy or not. I don't know what to do. I just really don't want to lose meaning. I want to keep being real and meaningful and the person I want others to see.