#scholarlog

Its 3AM.

Making short notes on German grammar and vocabulary.

Have a lot on to-do List of German. But small steps to success.

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Oh how do i desire to be good at multiple languages to able to connect with more people and read more books.

But learning grammar in language is the worst part for me

Entry I — A Record of Resolve

Henceforth, let this space be my quiet archive — a testament to discipline, to slow and deliberate becoming. I shall document the days not merely as they pass, but as they shape me: in ink, in effort, in hours well spent.

Herein you will find:

Fragments of a scholar’s life — images, reflections, and the quiet rituals of study

Daily improvements, no matter how slight

The architecture of ambition — to-do lists stretching across the seasons, each task a stone toward the edifice I seek to build.

This is my ledger against procrastination, my reminder that forward motion, however small, is still motion.

Should I falter, I shall return here — to reread, to remember, and to rise again.

Being "Good Enough" is just another way of saying I Gave Up.

The exams have ended, and with them, a strange kind of freedom has returned. But it doesn’t feel like victory. Not this time.

How did they go? If I’m being honest—they didn’t go well. I didn’t study enough. And that failure sits heavy in my chest, like a letter I forgot to send. I’m disappointed in myself, truly. But rather than wallow, I’ve decided to begin again. Not with dramatic declarations, but with slow, careful steps. I’ll start planning for the new semester. I’ll try to become someone I can be proud of.

University has a way of reminding me that time is slipping by. I’m getting older (obviously—you absolute fool, Nyx). And with age comes the quiet panic: jobs, skills, the future. The truth? I don’t have the tools yet. I lack the things that matter in the real world. But I have curiosity. And I still love learning. That must count for something.

Sometimes, I wish the day held more hours. But maybe it’s not about more time—it’s about softer structure. Breaking tasks into smaller pieces. Making room for thought, for focus. So I don’t drown in the noise of everything I’m not yet.

This is the beginning of a quieter kind of ambition. A slow hunger for knowledge. And maybe, just maybe, a way back to myself.

It rained today.

The kind that hushes everything —

the heat, the noise, even time.

The world feels softer now,

cooled and quiet like a breath you didn’t know you were holding.

And in that stillness,

I remembered why I ever loved to study.

Not for grades. Not for pressure.

But for the quiet hunger to understand something,

anything,

deeply.

I want these exams gone —

not because I’m tired,

but because I’m ready.

Ready to learn freely.

To read without measuring pages.

To chase questions that don’t end in marks.

Soon.

I’ll begin again,