So I went to see a so psychiatrist and told the majority of my struggles, I had to prepare and write some of those down before seeing the doctor because there were a lot, although I did not take the note in person with me when I see him, there were a lot to unpackage. However, i ask the psychiatrist that I might be on the spectrum, actually i've been suspecting that i'm autistic from when I was a teenager, although I lack the fixations typical to the autism. And a few years before I took a full battery test and the counselor had concluded that it doesn't look like i'm actually an ADHD or a borderline intelligence, although I felt like I am very mentally challenged myself, and then a few months before, i participated in a medical research where I had to do some test that is actually extracted from the actual test they do in psychiatrists, and the master student who was helping me through the research told me I am quite good at this, like having to actually pay attention to something, i didn't sleep the night before that. I was yawning and almost fall asleep a few times still the student thought I was doing good, not sure if the attending researcher is allowed to say that to the participant, but that has happened. therefore I think I had good regions to think that I am not actually autistic or have an adhd, while still thinking I am, and today, the psychiatrist opinion is that he doesn't believe that I am autistic. Instead, I might have a social communiting disorder, and he was very open about it when he said that it is very different from talking to other 20 to 30-year-old women talk with me. he said, it is not something you can diagnosis, but it is something you feel as a human while having a conversation, and I know what he meant. I always know I speak somewhat different and besides, of speaking, my attitude, nonverbal communication, everything is kinda off, not in a good way. i try to mimic how other people speak and other people's demanors to blend in and it is really draining, but the idea of someone else accompanying me because I look like, I am inept at communication, is even more draining, so that's what I chose to do. and people I meet are usually pretty polite. So they almost never give me a impression that I am awkward, they are very nice, i'm blessed to be around those people, to think of it, still, it makes me pretty sad to think that I am visibly inept at socializing, not in a shy kind of way, but in a just weird different kind of way. What the psychiatrist has told me is true, but it was hurtful to hear from a total stranger, although I do appreciate it. and I asked him, how can I heal from this doctor? He said, this is not like Coronavirus, where you can just remove those virus. He said, if I were a young student, I could regularly go to therapy, learn to express my own feeling and go to school to learn about communications. And talk about it with counselors. However, since I'm grown woman, he just said, I just have to buckle up and keep up with the social life, and then if lucky I'll be keep improving. And hopefully I will have my things together around the age of forty, and I thought this is not a medical advice.This is just the general advice. he basically just told me that's how my life has been and is going to be. And because I was already prescribed antidepressants and sleeping pills from somewhere else, He did not prescribe the any other additional drug. it was not a delightful news to my already pretty depressed brain so I might have shed a few drops of tear in the office. he was my third visit to a professional, And if those three people with the corresponding specialization have told me that I am not autistic or haven an adhd, it is very likely that I am really not, and I'm not familiar with this diagnosis of SCD I'm not even sure if it is not on the autism spectrum (i think it is debated), maybe I was just putting on awkward shy kid and grown into an awkward antisocial adult and now I am scared to have kids because it could be hereditary

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