#scazzero

My family is large. Our “extended family” is just as close as our immediate family so I consider my family to be 14 people. Imma speak of the family members that had the most impact on me.

I’m gonna skip over a lot of details I hope y’all don’t mind too much!

Quick Sibling Description:Straight immediate Its just seven of us. There’s a good-sized age gap between myself and the rest of my siblings. My mother told me there was a miscarriage and a period of a few barren years between my birth and my next oldest sibling. I grew up with all 4 of my siblings until I was 10 years old and then my brothers moved out. So, It was me and the sisters for a good length of time then they went their separate ways. It’s cool to see now though that the older and physically more distant we’ve all gotten, the stronger our sense of family and togetherness has grown. I think It’s really just because of how unconditional my parents have been with all of us. I think they knew throughout all of our phases and rebellions that if we were loved and not judged - we would always come back.

Growing Relationships.My eldest brother Josh is where I see the most room for investment. He’s 12 years older than me and I see him like once a year. I do want to develop deep relationships with all of my siblings though. I think among most of us there are a lot of unsaid things. We all have gone pretty separate ways and had our own very unique paths. I know part of me wants to regain the relationships I never had with them, but I want to be intentional about it before I attack them with love, and interest, and attention, and questions, etc. My only reason to actually get close is….because It feels right. I think it’s just something I may intrinsically desire, and it just seems natural. Part of me feels like they need me: a younger sibling they can support/help BUT also as someone who invest actively into their faith. An arrogance in me feels like I don’t NEED NEED them. I do however acknowledge that family is a school of heart. Loving and breaking through to them and connecting to them is really like training/foundation. I appreciate that through my family I have constant opportunity to lfso and expand my heart and empathy. By learning these things through my family also, there’s like little-to-no risk involved.

I wonder how God’s heart could be manifested through our family if we were more connected. I wonder how our lives would change.

My Parents.I think I have a relationship with God only because my parents have helped me understand Gods love. I don’t know what to tell people who don’t have loving parents. I don’t know how to connect truly to God without that example already existent in your heart.

I feel undeserving of my parents love. For that reason, I live everyday with respect and a serving attitude towards them. I’m very intentional with the way I treat them. I really try to be a good son simply because I respect them and all they’ve done for me. In the process of simply trying to “pay them back” for all the love they’ve given me I’ve also developed Hyojeong AF. Like, It started with more communication and that led to learning more about their lives and interest. Then I learned about their beliefs, and every day I try to get them to be honest with me about their hopes and dreams and its amazing! They are seriously righteous as hell and I would totally be friends with them if they were my age. At the same time, they put so much into being who they need to be to support our family. They are really my greatest blessing.

Closest sibling.Andrew! He’s actually married to my sister. He hails from California. We have similar interest and he encourages my creativity. He opens up to me a lot and in turn I feel I can with him. I definitely feel a lot of support from him. While I also feel that kind of with my blood siblings I definitely feel more freedom w/ Andrew for some reason.