#scartissuesmiling

I am wrapped up in my blankets,

         wishing I were wrapped up in you.

I am cold,

         wishing for your gentle breathing on my neck.

The touch of warmth I get from the scent you left dancing on my pillow case

Or the impression you left on my mattress 

Or the impression you left on my heart

Or how you haunt my dreams beautifully

Maybe if these things decide to surround me, tonight I will sleep with you next to me

Or at least I will dream enough to believe you are

Come home,

Even when you've given up on yourself, I haven't.

Even when you've given up on us, I haven't. 

Even when you've given up on your dreams, I haven't.

Even when you've given up on life, know I'll be the one to throw my body to the ground and pull you back over the edge.

Even when my grip fails, I'll be the one to fall with you. 

A whiskey goodnight Frozen in beams of moonlight from the window blinds Could you learn to be here

Looking for an excuse to weep I still have you in my system As much distress as I have given Selfishness rules me

A piece of you is tied by red string To every piece of my life Reminding me you rule my mind

Amorous fidelity splits the lines in my forehead My spine learns to alleviate pain  From having lifted barren memories for years

I have a knack for adaption An apt absolution for “what if” As droves of brilliance flood my brain

I miss my bed

And as badly as I want you in it I don’t know if you’re in it  Participation has a gray reputation  Desultory intentions lie in rivets  I don’t want to miss it

I miss my bed

To appease my head  From the crushing weight of dread I’ll clutch the floor  As your ethereal ghost dances on my dreams

I’m a nut case A real class act As much shit as He gets  God saved my life

I found Jesus on a mountain top throwing grace in the face of headlines dispelling His existence But I’ve felt that way too and now I know I’ve got something in common with the big man upstairs To be unwanted  Pushed away Written off When all you want is to be loved

I don’t believe some explosion in space caused mountains, coke cans, and humanism I believe that despite socio-economic difference  Color of skin  Or strings of past regrets  Everyone deserves love

Who gives a shit if someone thinks differently than you? Get over it. If we’d spend half as much time on ourselves as we do trying to change others this world would be a much better place

But I’m just a face full of smoke and damaged goods Trying to find love in the place it comes from

Find yourself Tripping over decisions Stubbing your toe on theological debate  And the politics of hate  From the beginning to the end Trapped by sin  But knowing God doesn’t care about the shit I did I’m not good enough for myself  I’m good enough for him

Fear fell through the floor  I was scared to death I had nothing to hang onto anymore  I loathe  I speak hate But I have a dream  To be a better man  To raise a family  To love unapologetically And give a kid a better chance than I had To be a better dad and husband than my father

Kaleidoscopic allure Leaving curled smoke-tails to follow Into a bed of white daisies we fell

And when I said “I love you” I meant it

Stay close

Writing plans in cursive on your back  To steal you away So, I’ll be the only one to watch those colors dance in your eyes

No need to perpetuate harm

I have had my fair share

Needles in my bones 

From fingers in my hair

I looked as hard as I could and I just couldn’t

Find a single fucking thing wrong with you

So I went on in the only way I knew how to 

To love you, regardless of the fact that you’re you.

Perfection didn’t descend on me like the night after day

Nor did beauty let me think I ever had my way

So if I can’t produce the words out of a vocabulary that shrinks when you look at me

And if I can’t comfort you when you lose to self-pity

Know that I will do what I always promised to:

To love you, regardless of the fact that you’re you.