What kind of pisses me off a bit. Is that I tried my best to be as palatable as possible. Not just in the characters I played but even in myself out-of-character, I tried to be as acceptable and as fucking useful as possible without being annoying. And what pisses me off is that it worked, if I hadn't taken his side when he crashed out people would have probably wanted me to stay. Maybe they even still did I don't even know. And so I find myself wondering if he'd made himself useful and acceptable and tamped down his own wants and focused on giving what people wanted of him, maybe they wouldn't have been such of jerks to him. Except that, what the fucking hell, no one should fucking have to do that to be accepted in a group, what the fuck's wrong with me that I'd even consider that. And I just fucking hate how I'm so willing to do that. How I'd rather be a fucking useful and disposable non-person used for entertainment or because I can do something that people want, than a "too weird" person who doesn't fit in to the group. I hate it I hate it I hate it.
