#sbsdbulletin

It’s October and that means the Pifflewings are migrating to the equator for the duration of the cold season. Please be advised that Pifflewings may alight on anything that looks like grass and huddle down to recoup their energy before continuing their flight; if presented with living flesh during these rests they will attempt to eat the aforementioned flesh creature whole.

A BUDDY SYSTEM is advised to be put into place town wide. 

Due to the appearance of the pocket-worlds it is crucial that townsfolk stay alert and prepared. 

 It is advised that:

No persons should traverse the town alone. 

Travel should be done in a group of two or more. 

People under the age of 18 should be accompanied by one adult per child. 

Appropriate preparations should be carried out prior to leaving your home.

Appropriate thought and care must go into any excursion for your own safety and that of others.

If you require a partner for the BUDDY SYSTEM, please contact the SBSD and one will be dispatched to you.

The SBSD has been alerted as to the appearances of messages spelled out in black mold in the houses of Soapberry residents.

We ask that you continue to call in to the station to leave the details as to your messages with our Civilian Administrator, Essie Caird (the contents of the note, location of its appearance, your interactions with the mold) so that we can compile the information as it comes in.

The Department is working on the cause of this mold and what it means. So far, it does not seem physically harmful, and there are indications that it may be tied in to the recent appearance of ghosts in the town. Please remain vigilant; updates will be made on our Twitter feed, @soapycops (also viewable on our website).

Happy Pride from the SBS Sheriff Department!

This year, after much internal discussion plus consultation with members of the citizenry, the Sheriff Department has chosen to step down our ‘official’ presence at the Pride festivities. 

Pride has traditionally not been a celebration that requires much in the way of vigilance in the Springs, so your community officers will be participating in Pride in a more organic fashion. Particularly as the Commissioner identifies as two-spirit and the Sheriff as genderfluid queer, we feel it’s important to give members of the Department a chance to holistically experience Pride.

We’ll still be around and available to help anybody who needs it, of course! Just look for anybody wearing either of our assigned rainbow epaulettes: the fabric versions, or the feather versions.

(Your bird-loving Sheriff is opting for the feathers, so you know.)

Deputy Briquette has just completed her training in sniffing out those horseflue crabs that have been attacking people’s beach picnics this year! She’ll be on patrol (with her fairy of course) at our busiest seaside destinations, keeping this weird infestation at bay. 

The u-pick berry farm at the east end of Dragonsnap Drive is under investigation for reports that its ‘strawbebbies’ are actually a strain of semi-conscious sugary radish. These strawbebbies are indeed edible but will cause those who consume them to compulsively dig holes in the ground into which they defecate tubes of odourless radish pulp. Strawbebbies that are not consumed within fifteen minutes of being harvested will either begin to speak (they generally have a vocabulary of three words maximum and distressingly harsh voices) or melt into harmless reddish water.

Some unidentified seafolk have been spotted creating this giant ice circle in Grapevine River. Please do NOT attempt to break it up, swim around it, or ride the circle, as there have been injuries already from townsfolk being flung off the circle which is spinning very rapidly.

The Sheriff Department has heard of sightings of a Straunge and Terrible Wunder in the form of a large doglike creature haunting the Old Growth Forest. It reportedly invokes strong, overwhelming feelings of fear in all who encounter it prowling on silent footfalls.

Anybody venturing into the Old Growth Forest is advised to use extreme caution until this creature can be further investigated.