Ward and Self-Harm: Maybe Suicide Wasn't The Point
So, a rather disturbing thought crossed my mind today. It actually turned my stomach, but it's unfortunately a theory I haven't seen appear yet (that doesn't mean another hasn't said it and if I'm taking another's thoughts in saying this, I apologize). But, what if Ward's self-harm had nothing to do with suicide?
It seems counter-intuitive: that someone would cut or physically harm themselves without the ultimate goal of death. Some of us do that though (I am one of a few), and suicide is never an idea that seriously crosses our minds. Instead, the pain serves a purpose of it's own. It's what we seek; it brings comfort, control, and provides an anchor in overly frustrating or emotional situations.
That may sound like a bit of a tangent, but it's not. The reason I bring up the pain of self-harm rather than the suicidal element of it is that it's entirely possible Ward wasn't trying to kill himself. Now, before shouts of indignation begin, please hear me out.
Ward was beaten as a kid. We know this, if by no one else then at least by Maynard. It's also incredibly likely Maynard accused Ward of some imaginary slight when beating him. Thus, as a child, Ward would have linked pain and physical harm with punishment for a failure. Garrett would have only reinforced that- we know that Garrett wasn't above beating Ward if he felt Ward had failed. We saw him strike Ward several times in the show. Thus, between his family and Garrett, Ward would have likely linked pain as the punishment for failure. And if he failed, he would have been inclined to inflict pain on himself as punishment. He punched a car in T.A.H.I.T.I. and I recall another incident where he was pushing himself as punishment for a failure (though I don't recall exactly the episode).
So what if he wasn't trying to kill himself in prison? What if he was trying to inflict pain on himself for his failures? There would have been many he could have been punishing himself for and with no one else around, given the extent of his abuse, it's entirely possible he would have felt the need to inflict pain on himself. A button, folded paper, running at the wall, all of these things would inflict pain (a lot of pain) but are ineffective in killing one's self. Yes, if you pushed hard enough you could eventually kill yourself, but at that point why not choke himself? Why not create a choke rope from his pants and asphyxiate himself? The bed had metal wires, he could have done it. He could have also dove off the bed head first. There are many more effective ways of killing himself. His tools of choice are painful and the choice of those seeking pain.
