#sasha racket

[Alex] I’m not even gonna get you to do an acrobatics check. She just drops down, lithe like a cat. There’s not actually a noise, just--

[Lydia] Yeah. I flow like black paint down a gravity well.

(laughter)

[Alex] I feel like I ought to be playing a Neuromancer RPG or something, that was an amazing description!

[Lydia] I’ll have to tell you all the things I flow like.

[Lydia] I step away from the woman. I sort of flow back, I dunno--

[Alex] Oh, what do you flow like?

[Lydia] Oil down a hill into a… into a jelly mould that is shaped like something extremely cool.

(laughter)

[Alex] I love it!

[Ben] Ow. I think you just broke one of the tendons in my neck with that laugh.

[Lydia] I melt into the stone like mould on a cake.

[Lydia] We go down the stairs. I flow like a spilled bottle of extra virgin olive oil.

It’s not as good.

[Ben] Extra virgin?

[James] Over the back of a silken seal.

[Lydia] Over the back of a silken seal.

[Alex] We’ll get there. Collectively, we will get you there in a sufficiently flowy fashion.

[Lydia] The seal quivers in delight. Give it a massage!

[Lydia] So, I flow over there like… ball bearings that have fallen out of a blow-up ball bearing factory that was built on a slight slope.

(laughter)

[Alex] Okay.

[Lydia] I flow like…

(laughter)

[Alex] Name something that flows uphill, up a ladder.

[Ben] Like cheddar gratings out of a grater.

(laughter)

[James] Grated at speed?

[Ben] Yeah!

[James] On a speed boat.

[Lydia] Like a weasel through a Hamster City toy set.

[Alex] So like, really cramped and quite difficult?

[Lydia] No, weasels are really small!

[Ben] Was that some product placement? Are Hamster City paying you?

[Alex] Oh god, I wish they were.

[Lydia] Or like a stoat, they’re the smaller ones, right? Yeah. So even smaller, like tiny. And deadly.

[Alex] So you go up a ladder like a stoat, that’s what I’m hearing.

[Lydia] I’m trying to stealth after them like… cyanide in an almond mix from Sainsbury’s.

(laughter)

[Lydia] That you might give to some people you don’t like.

[Ben] The most middle-class assassination.

(laughter)

[Lydia] Here, would you like this nut mix?

[Alex] Okay.

[Lydia] And it’s full of cyanide.

[James] A Midsomer Murders level of sneak.

[Lydia] Yes.

[Alex] Mechanically, your move speed has increased.

[Ben] Ah!

[Lydia] That’s interesting. To what?

[Alex] By ten feet.

[Lydia] Gosh, that’s quite a lot.

[Bryn] Nice, yeah.

[Ben] That’s super quick.

[Lydia] That’s as quick as oiled ball bearings falling vertically down a hole where the air has been taken out so it’s like a vacuum.

(laughter)

[James] But you’d be falling at the same speed anyway.

[Lydia] Yeah.

[James] So that’s--

(laughter)

[Ben] But the ball bearings all have rockets on them!

[James] Forcing them downwards faster. Okay, alright.

[Lydia] She would usually flow through his grasp like the ghost of ball bearings past.

(laughing)

[Ben] Or maybe the ghost of a dead friend.

[all] Oh!

[Alex] Too soon!

[Lydia] Too soon!

[Alex] Too soon!

[Lydia] Too- too- no!

[Ben] Classic Zolf bedside manner!

[Lydia] She flows like a cat in a tar pit.

[Alex] Hamid’s briefly mentioned, as is Sasha, but Sasha’s not even mentioned by name. It is just, “there is a mysterious female figure,” blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. It doesn’t give more than that.

[Lydia, as Sasha] Alright, look! That’s me! I’m a mysterious female figure. I’m like a question mark.

[Alex] However--

[Lydia, as Sasha] In a body.

[James, as Bertie] You’re like an enigma.

[Lydia, as Sasha] Yeah!

[James, as Bertie] Wrapped in…

[Lydia, as Sasha] Mystery.

[James, as Bertie] Mystery!

[Bryn, as Hamid] Studded leather armor.

[Lydia, as Sasha] Ball bearings!

[James, as Bertie] Yes!

[Lydia, as Sasha] And fog.

[James, as Bertie] Flowing down the stairs like a midnight slinky.

[Lydia, as Sasha] Like dark grey velvet that fits into shadows…

[James, as Bertie] It’s really captured your essence by not describing you at all.

[Lydia, as Sasha] I think it’s great!

[Alex] And who are you playing?

[James] Sir Bertrand MacGuffingham.

[Bryn] Hamid Saleh Haroun al-Tahan.

[Lydia] Sasha Racket.

[Ben] Zolf Smith.

[Alex] We're getting very slick.

[Lydia] Yeah!

[Alex] We're getting very good.

[Lydia] We remember our names! Yeah!

[James] We're getting slick like an oiled… rolling over a… on a…

[Alex] It’s not your strength. It’s not your strength, James.

[James] No, no. I shouldn’t have, yeah.

[Alex] You’re no Lydia.

[Lydia] I prep them beforehand.

[James] Oh.

(laughter)

[Lydia] Just like a shadow that's been massaged… with incredibly thick, high-quality oil… by a magical masseuse so that all of the kinks are completely knocked out… and it just flows…

[Alex] I shouldn't have opened this door.

[Lydia] …like easy summer Sundays.

(laughter)

[Alex] Easy summer Sundays.