#sanderstribute

BEFORE USING THE PRODUCT

SAFETY PRECAUTIONS

CAUTION

THIS UNIT IS PRONE TO SPONTANEOUS SINGING, FLIRTING REGARDLESS OF GENDER, AND TEMPER TANTRUMS. TREAD CAREFULLY.

CONTENTS

Your Tiny Side™ comes complete with the following items:

One (1) Princely mini-outfit

One (1) Christmas mini-sweater

Twelve (12) mini-roses

Two (2) mini-notebooks

Three (3) mini-pens

One (1) mini-hairbrush

One (1) regular sized Mrs. Fluffybottom™

One (1) pack of movie poster-stickers

One (1) 6”x9” Spanish-to-English dictionary

If you find one or more of these objects is missing or damaged, please visit our website at @thatsthat24 to get a replacement at no cost to you. 

TECHNICAL SPECIFICATIONS

Unit Type: Roman

Side: Creativity

Class: Prince

Age: 28

Height: 5 in.

Place of Manufacture: Gainesville, FL

INITIAL USE AND CARE OF UNIT

Before releasing your Tiny Side™ from its box, you must choose what mode you’d like to set it to. The available modes currently are:

FLAMBOYANT - Unit’s default mode.

DAYDREAM - An excessive version of Flamboyant, but good for brainstorming. To activate, allow the unit to binge-watch cartoons and musicals.

ANXIOUS - Unit becomes insecure and jumpy, with accompanying eyeshadow to match its mood. To activate, put unit in a small area with little sunlight or keep with a VIRGIL type unit for an extended period of time.

VALENTINE - Unit becomes more romantic than usual, and speaks Spanish. For this reason, a dictionary has been provided for our non-native Spanish speakers. To activate, either flirt with the unit or have another unit flirt with it. This can occasionally spontaneously occur if another unit brings this unit out of Anxious mode. Although difficult, VIRGIL type units can do this.

PERFORMER - Unit will sing and recite plays. This is good for entertainment purposes, but not for productivity. To activate, allow your unit to listen to you sing. It will immediately join in.

If your unit gets stuck in an undesirable mode, please visit our website at @thatsthat24 for assistance.

Once setting your unit’s mode, there are certain maintenance requirements:

Unit must be fed non-dairy foods on a regular basis in proportion to the user’s own diet. Unit is lactose intolerant.

Unit will eventually require more roses.

Unit should be kept away from blades, particularly katanas that match the unit’s size.

Keep unit away from makeup, as it may get stolen.

Do not indulge in all of your unit’s whims.

Your unit may occasionally need a chill day, but may not admit it. It is important that your unit gets rest.

Your unit despises lizards, specifically komodo dragons. For the safety of your pets, please keep the unit and lizards separate.

Should your unit become melancholy and depressed, it is recommended you baby the unit until it feels better. This is a glitch that the company is currently working to remove.

Do not lie to this unit, as it will believe you regardless of the lies’ improbability.

UNIT TYPE INTERACTIONS

LOGAN type - The LOGAN type unit will likely find much of your unit’s actions frivolous. If your unit is in Daydream mode, the LOGAN type unit will likely attempt to leave. If your unit is in Anxious mode, the LOGAN type unit may attempt to tend to the root cause of your unit’s distress. If your unit is in Valentine mode, the LOGAN type unit will initially be confused. After confronting its own emotions though, the LOGAN type unit will eventually reciprocate. If your unit is in Performer mode, the LOGAN type unit is likely to play along, but without much enthusiasm.

PATTON type - The PATTON type unit will likely support your unit in its ambitions and dreams, despite perhaps not quite understanding them. If your unit is in Daydream mode, the PATTON type unit will try to help in the brainstorming. If your unit is in Anxious mode, the PATTON type unit is likely to also enter Anxious mode. If your unit is in Valentine mode, the PATTON type unit is likely to at first be oblivious, but then come to reciprocate. If your unit is in Performer mode, the PATTON type unit will try its best to participate.

VIRGIL type - The VIRGIL type unit is likely to initially despise your unit, but with effort can eventually grow close. If your unit is in Daydream mode, the VIRGIL type unit will attempt to rationalize through you unit’s wild fantasies. If your unit is in Anxious mode, the VIRGIL type unit will attempt to help your unit out of it, with varying levels of success. If your unit is in Valentine mode, the VIRGIL type unit will grow a crush, but will be in denial for an extensive period of time. If your unit is in Performer mode, the VIRGIL type unit will critique your unit’s progress - not to be mean, but to further more growth - although your unit may not see it that way.

FAQ

“My ROMAN unit won’t stop watching cartoons! What do I do?”

The best way to ‘unplug’ your unit is to ask it out on an adventure. Specifically mention a dragon slaying, a person in distress, and/or a celebrity and your unit is sure to leave the cartoons for another day!

“He looks like one of those limited-edition VALERIE units… what’s up with that?”

It seems you were accidentally sent a Valerie mode ROMAN unit! These were originally proposed by the creator but never made it to the factory. The prototypes are often sneaking into packaging for fun. Please send us your Valerie mode ROMAN unit for a new ROMAN unit or a refund.

“My unit isn’t 5 inches - he’s five foot ten!”

That is not a unit. That is the unit creator, Thomas Sanders, pulling a prank on you. You would not believe how often this happens. Just call him out on it and he will likely give you your actual ROMAN unit and maybe even take you out for ice cream for the trouble. Thank you.