#sanctuspassio

      *    AND  YOU   KNOW   THAT  YOU  DO  NOT  MEAN     the words that come out of your mouth.   your dialogue is sickening.     you know that it is not yours.     your voice is like     STATIC,     echoing into the abyss as a twisted caricature takes over yourself as though you have always been a hollow vessel.     internally,  you    SCREAM.      you scream as loud as you can,  trying to rip the barrier that keeps you from being yourself      ———     it is not you.    it is not a proud representation of yourself.    you know it deep within your heart.     

the kris that faces her is heartless.    yet it is the most     KNOWN     version she has of you.    to out your secrets,  to ruin your life,  to end your friendships    (  ...  )      you do not know why they feel the need to be so    CRUEL.     they laugh,  the sound feeling like nails on chalkboard as it grates    &    grates.     you cannot breathe.    the bile in your throat present as you try to    QUIET    down the rampant thudding that only seems to get worse in your ears.     susie is your best friend.     you do not want to hurt her.    you don't want to hurt her.

Ỹ̷͎̣͈͕̯͍̜̈͊͑̏̉̀͆̌̋̀̔͘͠Ơ̵̫̦̽͆͋́̓̎͐͗͘͝͝Ȕ̸̠̜̤̩̬̞̆͒ ̵͖̠̞̜̲̪̺̗̾D̴̝͉̜̱̿̆̾̐͛Ǫ̶̤̪͚̩̫͔͖̩̱̀̐͗̿̔̉͛̅̀̂̾̓̃N̸̪̜̖͒ͅ'̶̢̧̡̥̯̗̪͇͇̙͕̈́͜͠ͅT̷̝̘͉̮͕̠̓̀͗̇̀̅͝͝͝͝͝ ̴͖̩̬̫͋͊̇͂͊̀͐̈̌͘͜W̷̖̱͇̲̝̞̌̾͜Á̴̡̖͎͓̰̗̗͕̫̰̈́̒Ǹ̶̝͑͂̑͌͗̕T̷͈̥̻̺͕̼̤͍͖̱̒͆̔́̊͗̂̽͐́̐̌̿̐̚͜ ̸̨͔̰̣̰̮̆́͐́̅ͅṰ̴̛̛͔̦̯̥̪̼̲͙͐̃̂̄̄́̾̿͂̀̾Ǫ̴̝̤͙͉͓̬͔̯̻̝̞͙̺̍͗̈́͂̔̇̀̒͌͛̓̌̀̋͠ ̶̧̞̠̝̗̠̼̙̤͙̞̙͓̳̗͐̀͂Ḣ̸̡̤̳̪̞͔̗̙̙͎͇̀́͌͆̂̑́͜͜͝Ù̵̧͚̼̖̿̆̐̐͝R̷̥̫̥̥͙͈̠̘̋̚͝T̵̥̺̪͙̫͇̪̫̬̃̏̍̈̀̎̇͒́͜͜ ̶̡̖͈̭̟̠̠̤̫̩͚̼͚̳͒̒̈́̉͗H̷͚͈̥͈͊͋́̉̿͗͋͠E̶͇̯͔̬̮̞̎̓͌̅̏̇̏́̄̉͝͝R̶̘̼̗̪̤̯̼̳͇̐͋̑͑̅̚͝.̵̢̣̖͎̲̫̯̝̩͚̈́͂͐̌

they push their best front forward,  tilting their head at her.    their mannerisms are    NOTHING    like how you would act yet they have decimated that part of your distant self in everyone's perception.    those who would grow to    NOTICE    are nowhere in sight.    you can only try to break through as to not let her slip by your fingers too.    not by them,  not by someone who has broken you time   &    time again just to    SATE    their shrewd curiosity.

❤︎   *    "  what made you     BELIEVE     that we'd ever be friends  ?   "     using her.    using you.    it is all too much.    a horror movie that you are too powerless to stop.     still,  you try and quiet down.    no matter how     OVERWHELMING    their influence is,  you know you should at least find anything.    you are done with pleading.    you know they won't stop until they break her,  too.    and they'll break her too.     frightened,  you force your hand to your chest and cup it.    

they chuckle.     too villainous,  like they want this to happen.    like they want you to become a monster that you     NEVER    asked to turn into.     your hand trembles,  the only control you have left within your body as they continue to    OBLITERATE    anything     &      everything you have ever fostered with care.     ❤︎   *    "  did you ever wonder if any of this was real  ?  "     and your hand sinks into your chest,  the soul deliberately remaining    IGNORANT     as if this were the reality they have long wanted to present to her.

like cracking flames,  your grip burns.    your    PAIN    imminent as you attempt to wrench their totality over you.    much too painful.    you want to be free.    you want it to quiet down.    you want to tell her under your own   TERMS.    not like this,  with bouts of gleaming crimson burning through like a beaming light.    your scream hollowed out,  coalescing with its     VACANT    voice.    

❤︎   *    "  did you ever think that you were friends with the right person  ?  "      and then everything about your vision    STILLS,    her frame turning unsteady before your very eyes.    then,  with your voice weak and your stance wobbly    ———      you're glad for moment      ———       because she'll see the you that has long screamed for    HER.      your body grows heavy,  your soul in your grasp.    then,  before you topple over,  you smile.    hoping she knows that you didn't mean it all,  that she can feel it in her soul that you want to fight for her too.

"     i ' m     s o r r y   .    "       crash.

deltarune chapter one , accepting .

( * YOU THINK IF SHE ACTUALLY COULD , YOU'D ALREADY BE HEADFIRST IN THE LOCKER . )

kris tilts their head up to regard susie , unflinching as ever in the face of her snarling hostility . it must be their unnatural neutrality that sets her on edge ; this constant complacency , the way they fall limp when she grasps them like a kitten caught by the scruff of it's neck ...

they don't mean to upset her . but they've no heart for the retaliation she might crave . they blink , expression unreadable .

( * What AM I thinking ? * ❤️ Just thinking about you . )

the answer is soft - spoken and mumbly ; true to themselves , just this once . it's typical , really , that something in their chest would finally allow them to utter a vulnerability where they'd actually PREFER to lie . ( she's so cool . )

even with her razor teeth inches from their face , curling claws twitching to cut into them ... they can't shake their tenderness for a more fitting terror .

" i can tell , what you're thinking . as well . paha . " presumptuous . it'll only stoke the flames of her fiery temper further , they're sure , yet their hand retreats into their pocket all the same . retrieving something . a daily peace offering . their mouth quirks into a coy , impish smirk , just for a moment --- if she blinked , she'd miss it .

" no lunch money , to give you . today . yesterday's , was s'posed to cover , today too ... so . 's'just this . sorry . "

They didn't do anything ( THAT'S A LIE. ) Nothing's going on ( THAT'S A LIE, TOO. ) They retire to their room just long enough to get themselves together -- take a deep breath, collect themselves, rehearse what they'll say to Susie to keep the CHAOS shoved beneath the rug, still -- before returning to the living room with deadpan expression and slightly labored breath.

[ Deflect ] [ DefLECT ] > [ DEFLECT ]

im at work, but what if we take TWO tvs, ship them together, and then have them take over the world with their sky rocketing ratings.

you DO make a compelling argument, darling. i like the way you think. yes. we'll have to make an interview about these two TVs (even though one is a mix of TV, radio, microwave etc etc).

      *     YOU   HAVE   HEARD   THOSE   WORDS   FROM  THE   SAME   PERSON   BEFORE.     except,  during that time,  you were much smaller than you are now.    your hair was unkempt,  your breathing troubled whilst you hiccuped uncontrollably.      you were covered in soot,  mud on your shoes whilst you     SNIFFLED    intensely.     you had many things to show back then     (  ...  )     happy to involve your family in your interests and show them the rock bracelets you had made yourself.     tenna looked out for you in many ways that you recall.     

now,  he remains adamant in his desire to     HELP     you.     a part of yourself wonders if this is too selfish.     although aid has come for you before when you have screamed for help,  this kindness feels like it is too much.     like there will be an eventual catch that will follow you in the near future     &     haunt you for the     REST     of your eternity.     you bite down on your lip for the nth time,  the taste of metal being apparent right on your tongue.     you     WANT     to depend on him once more but this is a battle that he should not have to face alone.

you are twice the size than you were before.     this time,  the forces before you are     TANGIBLE.     with your blade in hand,  you stand firm.     you will admit,  you were rattled.     you saw him crumble before your eyes before,  helpless to do anything even if you played for the team that has now become your     FOE.     understanding where you stand down,  you take a     SHAKY     inhale.    it is a habit you have grown to do as a kid when you are trying to calm your rapidly palpitating heart.    brandishing your newly      ACQUIRED     will,  you plant your legs unwaveringly and ready your stance.

"  we'll take care of this.  "       as if your soul has     RECOGNIZED     your newfound determination,  it shines within you.     you will not let anything him him again.

      *    THE  MAW  OF  DARKNESS  BECKONS  FOR  YOUR  UNDOING.     your fall from grace,  your heart pounding    ———      you figure that you were always meant to die here.    you were always supposed to be buried with all of your sins,  your secrets,  your     LIES.     you shattered everything you had,  everyone that you cared for taking you as someone that you never wished to be but continued to work on    BECOMING.     your terror,  your horror,  this crawling feeling of retribution was meant to claim you a long time ago.    in a way,  you felt sort of glad.    it means,  you no longer had the capacity of harming anyone.    it meant you could never     HURT    her ever again.

&    you accept it.     as if you have always been resigned to this very fate,  willing yourself to be crushed with the    WEIGHT    you brought upon yourself.    a well deserved demise that you are certain would satisfy everyone and yet she reaches out for you.    your shoes slip,  suspended over the edge just where you are about to    FALL,    susie keeps you from falling apart.    you quiver,  surprised,  undeserving.    her kindness being too much for you to ever fully understand that you do not know what to make of this.    you could let go but you know    (  and you know    BETTER    than anyone else  )     that she would never let you go no matter how much hurt you had inflicted.

in her arms,  where she pulls you,  you     TREMBLE.     you can never understand this compassion.    this care.    for her to still look out for you even despite it all    ———      she was always meant to be the     HERO    that you could never be.