#sanctuary!

Sage Guyton, Jeremy Wakefield - M'Wanna

Plays in:

39b. "The Fry Cook Games"

62b. "Krabs vs. Plankton"

120a. "No Hat for Pat"

136b. "Summer Job"

160b. "Walking the Plankton"

191b. "The Executive Treatment"

193a. "Sanctuary!"

195b. "Larry's Gym"

199a. "Sold!"

204b. "The Whole Tooth"

208a. "Snooze You Lose"

210b. "Burst Your Bubble"

216b. "The Clam Whisperer"

219b. "Larry the Floor Manager" 

226a. "Chatterbox Gary" 

230b. "Bottle Burglars" 

232a. "Mustard O' Mine"

233a. "Whale Watching" 

238a. "Appointment TV" 

242b. "Gary & Spot" 

261b. "Hiccup Plague"

As much as I want to hold on to my faith as a Christian, it just doesn’t make sense sometimes. My parents defending Trump, and saying “God appoints our leaders” stirs something deep within me that I can’t figure out yet. It’s something resembling.... anger? Confusion? It’s also what I’ve believed my whole life - that everything happens for a reason, and a Higher Being is in control.

But everything is out of control. Nothing has ever been in control. God has been silent. Maybe I should see things with a lens of faith - but man, it’s just so ridiculously hard. My soul is so restless. I’ve been on autopilot, and I just feel so numb.

Maybe living away from my parents and being around people with different backgrounds and beliefs made me grow some sort of backbone, but I surprised myself when I told my mom, “But people make choices, too, when they vote or choose to divide people with their fear tactics and racism” after her comments about God’s intervention and her defense of Trump.

She also noticed my Pride shirt (one that I bought last summer from H&M with the words ‘New York City’ colored after the Pride rainbow) and scoffed. She said something about Pride not happening this month. I said I’m sad about that possibility.

I was also telling her about the book I’m currently reading (Kim Jiyoung, Born 1982) that depicts misogyny in South Korea and how it’s still so alive and and well today - not just in Korean culture, but in every damn culture where women exist. I said maybe I’ll be the first woman in the family to break tradition - she suspiciously (and quickly) asked what I meant by that. I think she knew what I meant by the tone of her voice.

I wanted to say, “Maybe I’ll marry a girl so I don’t have to live the rest of my life babysitting a man-child that’s supposed to be my husband. Maybe I’ll choose another life trajectory and believe that I won’t go to hell for it because I don’t think God will condemn me because His grace runs so strong and so deep. That’s what you and dad taught me. That’s what the church taught me. That’s what the Bible taught me. Love runs deep... right?”

But I didn’t. I just said that maybe I’ll be the first woman in the our conservative Asian family to not marry at all.

I feel like I live a double life. But the other isn’t really a life at all because it’s online? It’s the life and narrative that I can never speak of in person especially with my family because I’d be disowned and/or condemned.

Anyway. I just wanted to put this out here to validate my thoughts and feelings. I don’t really need advices or validation from anyone (if at all) reading this - sometimes screaming into the void helps. Sometimes, it’s all we can do. It’s all I can do.

Fuck Trump and fuck homophobia. Fuck the ignorant choices people make and for using the Bible to justify their racism and self-righteousness.

And honestly? Fuck the church, not Christianity. Fuck the church for making so many people feel unloved, diseased, rejected, painfully different, and condemned for simply choosing who they are and for loving who they choose to love. Fuck the church for ostracizing and disenfranchising people because of their skin color and way of living.

One of my top three favorite musical soundtrack pieces of all time. I mean--those kettle and snare drums! That choral arrangement! The menace woven all throughout it! To say nothing of that incredible pipe organ!

What's not to love?!

William Farran - House of Horror [#10.4]

Plays in:

13b. "I Was a Teenage Gary" 

16a. "Valentine's Day" 

36a. "Graveyard Shift" 

60b. "Pranks a Lot" 

61a. "Fear of a Krabby Patty" 

188b. "Yeti Krabs”

193a. "Sanctuary!"