#samnadam

adam's eyes fluttering shut, his throat bobbing, his hands flexing around sam's wrists and the hurt whine that escapes his red mouth when sam thrusts in deep...

need to lean more into the fact that adam is honestly all "fuck the winchesters" post canon. he's frankly over them, he has no affection for them, he is okay with it. or so he thinks. i don't ship mi///dam but i can't imagine how you live after getting a guy ripped from you after being part of you for longer than you were yourself. the age regression possibilities... hmm. the fragmentation and fragility of identity. gaps in your memory. you used to know all this history and now it is gone. i think he should project onto sam as an object of his anger. let it all out on him.

adam's in love with a brother who doesn't love him back, and sam is in love with a brother who can't love him back (not in the way he needs/craves/wants). do you get it?

samadam is THE ship of all time for me right now because it's so... how do you trust, how do you rebuild, how do you make sense of a nonsensical world, how do you live. such a goddamn scared twenties theme and it hits me real deep

inevitably sam is comparing adam to dean and adam knows this, but at some point sam stops seeing where adam is unlike dean and just sees adam. it's like the sun comes out.

Your distant big brother is dead but your last living relative will compare you to him forever and you will never ever come close to him. That untouchable bond. You'll never be enough.