#salsa shack

Standards. We all have them. Some higher, some lower. Some of us care more than we should, and some of us don’t care enough. I consider myself the former. I care. I want to enjoy a good meal, with good service and good value. I don’t necessarily care what it costs, I just want to be able to say “that was worth every dime” or “that was good” or even “that didn’t suck”. Unfortunately I can’t say any of the above about the Salsa Shack at Tobay. What I CAN say is “Man! Did THAT suck”!

Walk into the Salsa Shack (let’s call it SS for brevity’s sake) and your confronted by a wonderful view of Tobay Beach. Just gorgeous. The restaurant itself is pretty, with outdoor or indoor seating. We sat outside, just in time for a nice sunset and a cool breeze. Nice. Waiter comes, we place an appetizer order of Nachos and Quesados which is a quesadilla. I ask for some chips and salsa as every other table has some, and some sodas and ice teas.

Chips don’t come. I ask again. And again. And one more time. By this time, the drinks are gone, we are hungry and thirsty. Where’s the food? It’s a Wednesday night at 6pm, not Saturday night at 8pm. We should get served!

Apps come. I ask again for some chips. At this point, it’s a principle thing. I want the damn chips and salsa! The apps come, and they are atrocious. The nachos are soggy, flavorless, and floating in a soup of what can only be a can of Progresso tomato sauce. The Quesados, are ungrilled, cardboard-like tortilla with some gloppy white cheese, and the same tomato sauce drizzled over it. Ugghhh…just….Ugghh. Horrid.

Well, the waiter who at this point has brought the chips and salsa, and refilled our drinks, has brought out another bowl of the crappy chips. No salt on them, as flavorless as can be. But HEY! They were GRATIS! Thanks man, for not charging us the $2 for an additional bowl of your crap chips. To be fair, he was a nice waiter, and apologized for the chips confusion. Meh. What are you gonna do, right?

So the entrees come. I ordered a combination plate of Taco, Enchilada, and Burrito. Horrid. Flavorless. Just…not good. That same runny, crummy tomato sauce is poured on top of the enchilada and burrito. The tortillas that they were wrapped in felt and tasted like they had just come out of the Old El Paso wrapper without the benefit of being warmed up. And the Taco…man. The Taco. Soggy. No cheese! No onion. Again no flavor. Ye Gods if you can’t figure out how to make a taco, if TACO BELL has you beat HANDS DOWN in the Taco-Making department, if you can’t even swing what about a billion American moms slap together a few times a month with some chop meat and store bought taco shells...well, you better pack it in. Horrible. Offensive. And $22.

Next up, my son Matthews Crab filled enchiladas. Oh wow. That was bad. Fishy, runny (again, that description fits) and tasting vaguely rancid. My 16 year old son, who never met a plate he didn’t clear, and a meal he wasn’t really into, didn’t even finish it. I tasted it, and couldn’t find a napkin to spit it into (alas, no extra napkins. I guess having to ask for silverware twice didn’t guarantee a fresh napkin). My Sue and Julia both ordered fajitas. They kind of liked the steak, though to my mind, it was tough and surprisingly over-salted. I guess they were searching for SOMETHING to like!

And then, the bill. Just about $140 with tax. Really? For that??!!! It’s insulting to a very high degree. Again, standards. This place apparently has none. Thank God we didn’t get margaritas. Can you imagine, if they couldn’t get a taco right, how they would butcher the booze?

And that’s the thing, really. At what point did the owners of this dump actually sit down and eat a meal here? What led them to believe that a meal so lacking in taste, professionalism, and value was ok? I mean, again, Taco Bell beats this place. BADLY! On the Border, in Hicksville, makes their OWN GODDAM TORTILLAS! Seriously! They have some poor bastard standing back there pouring mixture onto a press, and are knocking out some awesome fresh tortillas and chips. AND ON THE BORDER IS A CHAIN!! AND CRAPPY!! But it beats hell out of this place.

Don’t go here. Seriously. It’s not good, it’s overly expensive, and there is such a lack of attention, and lack of accountability that you will regret it. Sure, I suppose someone will refute this, and tell me “OH NO! WE went there and it was AWESOME!!” Great. I’m glad your experience was 100 times better than mine. But unfortunately I’m not giving this place another shot. My standards are too damn high, and apparently theirs are too low.