"Jeon! Glad that you could join us." Mr. Lee grinned, the easy-going nature of the teacher easing Jungkook's nerves ever so slightly. With a shy bow, he entered the small room and could only count six other participants milling around the empty space.

The teacher clapped his hands together, causing a few of the other attendees to jump in their skin. "Alright, I think we can officially begin."

You shifted from foot to foot, eyeing the newcomer with interest. Jeon? Was that his last name? You had to admit he was quite handsome, but also you couldn't help feeling bad for the guy. He was clearly a blushing mess of humiliation for being late, even if it was only a mere five minutes. You couldn't see any of the other attendees being all that bothered, but as you all lined up in front of the stout teacher, you could almost feel the nerves radiating off the man's body from where he stood beside you.

"Welcome, everyone, to our First Aid Course specialising in providing emergency first aid responses in an education and care setting."

As Mr. Lee reeled off his spiel in that commanding tone of his, you gradually sensed the young man next to you beginning to relax.

~

Half an hour in, the class had gone over the process of CPR briefly - or as Lee would call it, cardiopulmonary resuscitation - and had even taken turns in performing the procedure on a nightmarish looking mannequin. Jungkook had no idea why some manufacturers decided to paint genuine human features on some of them, but in the end he supposed it added to the whole realistic element of the course.

"Hey there, you alright?" a sweet voice piped up from somewhere in front of him.

Jungkook's form went rigid as he darted his eyes away from where someone was being instructed, flooding with even more confused self-consciousness when he drank in the sight of you. You hadn't meant to intimidate him further, but the way he was so intently focused on the teacher and student currently practising CPR on the dummy had you worried.

"Me? Uh, sorry yeah I'm fine thank you," Jungkook stumbled out, a hand instinctively coming up to rub at his neck which was reddening the longer he maintained eye contact with you. He didn't know how he hadn't noticed you before, but then he remembered how he tended to lose the ability to concentrate in general whenever he was embarrassed or nervous.

You returned his shaky smile warmly. "You just seem a little tensed up. Are you scared of Mr. Lee or something?" Whispering out the last part, you revelled in the sight of his smile widening.

He let out a quiet laugh and shook his head. "No, I just really need to pass this course. Don't want to miss anything, you know?"

You nodded but had no time to respond.

"Okay!" Lee boomed, gaining everyone's attention instantly. "You've all shown your proficiency at this. Now we're moving on to the next part of the course. Since you're all going to be specialising with children and students once you're finished here, we need to thoroughly cover choking, airway obstructions and respiratory distress since they're quite frequent in childcare settings."

You caught Jeon nodding solemnly out of the corner of your eye, and wondered why he was taking this course in particular. Teacher maybe? He mentioned really needing to pass, so maybe he even worked with young kindergarteners or infants. Eyeing his well-built frame contained within a tight black t-shirt had your mind working a million miles a minute. It was oddly endearing to imagine this moderately tall, buff looking guy caring for kids with such gentle shy eyes, and such a soft-spoken voice.

"Pair up with each-other and I'll demonstrate the choking procedure on adults first of all," Mr. Lee instructed, his bright passionate eyes flashing with amusement as he crossed his arms and waited for his students to spur themselves into action.

Jungkook's eyes met with yours almost immediately, and he had to avert them again out of sheer bashfulness. He only tried to seek you out because he hadn't spoken to anyone else yet, and the way you were chuckling softly at his bout of eagerness had his lips quirking up into a shy smirk. Well, that was decided then.

"You, be my guinea pig for a bit."

It took Jungkook a moment to process that the teacher was beckoning him forward with a sturdy finger, but you were already on the ball and pressing a hand into his lower back before his mind could catch up. Hating the feeling of being watched by everyone else, he tried to ignore the way he shuddered at the combination of your subtle touch and the several pairs of eyes regarding him closely.

The teacher began his explanation, but Jungkook could only hear the rushing of blood past his ears at this point. Why him? Out of everyone here, Mr. Lee couldn't have chosen anyone else? Thinking back, he did remember that being late probably served to single himself out in the teacher's mind. He deserved to be picked on.

Suddenly, Lee's stocky hand was pressing itself into Jungkook's chest, and he only then thought to finally tune in with what the older man was saying.

"Then, bend the choking person over slightly. Preferably parallel to the ground, but as long as they're somewhat sturdy on their feet..."

Jungkook swallowed nervously as the teacher demonstrated by adding pressure to the space between his wide shoulder blades. As embarrassed as he was, it was relieving to see the rest of the students focused on the information rather than him. Some were even practising the manoeuvre already. His eyes instinctively flew to where you were standing on your own, and a sharp tingle travelled the length of his spine when he caught you appraising him with ... interest flashing in your eyes?

W-why?

You watched as the teacher proceeded to explain how to perform a back blow, though not putting his full strength into the heel of his hand in case he hurt his student. "Do this five times, and if the choking hazard isn't removed, we can move on to the Heimlich manoeuvre - otherwise known as abdominal thrusts."

Oho?

You couldn't even suppress the way your lips pursed in amusement, and some of the other attendees around you even exchanged knowing looks with one another, trying not to chuckle at the sight of Jeon's ears flashing a bright red colour in embarrassment. God, he'd never wanted to die so badly.

Luckily, Lee spared him the mortification by keeping his demonstration to limited physical contact. He gave instruction on how to stand behind the victim before wrapping your arms around their torso - to which he only created a circle with his arms around Jungkook - and making a fist shape with your hand, thrusting it upwards into the victim's stomach to hopefully dislodge the object from their airways.

Jungkook couldn't really form a coherent thought at the moment. He was too fixated on the way your eyes were watching the whole scene intently, and he felt so exposed but he also wasn't entirely hating it. Well, maybe only if he could forget there were other people in the room, that is.

His brain on autopilot, Jungkook barely registered his feet taking him back to his original position after the teacher had finished up his demonstration. You were facing him as soon as he got there, and he shoved away the tingles in his belly to cock his head in confusion.

"Well?" you spoke, open palms coming up to urge him into action, but he didn't know what for. He whipped his head around and scoured the room to see the other pairs re-enacting their own version of the choking procedure.

"You want me to...?" he trailed off, hands fumbling in the air awkwardly as he tried to pull the words seemingly from thin air. You hid your smile with the back if your hand, not wanting to embarrass him further by laughing in his cute little face. How someone so big and masculine looking could be so shy and sweet, you'd never know.

"Yeah. Literally just the same as what he did to you." You helped the struggling man with a reassuring nod, not missing the way he was still hesitant to make any kind of movement.

Jungkook wanted to kick himself. "Sorry, I don't think I remember exactly," he sighed out, waiting for you to roll your eyes and click your tongue in annoyance. Instead, you threw him right off guard by reaching out and gently turning him around on the spot by his broad shoulder.

"It's okay, I watched what he did."

Fuck, what?

The hairs on Jungkook's neck stood on end when he heard your footsteps drawing closer behind him against the linoleum flooring of the room, but when he tried to crane his neck around to see what you were doing, you simply chuckled and straightened his jaw forward with a firm dainty hand. His breath hitched when your fingers then lingered ... eventually trailing down to lightly press against the column of his throat.

"What are you doing?" He jerked away, heart thumping against his ribcage so hard he thought he'd faint right there. Your brows only furrowed together in shock.

"Checking your throat to see where the blockage is? It was literally the first step."

You saw the way his eyes fell almost instantly, the internal berating quite evidently written on his features. "Sorry, it's my fault for not paying attention before," he mumbled and bowed his head in apology.

"It's okay. Just turn around," you snorted, thoroughly entertained. He was seriously too adorable to match the way he looked, but you supposed judging books by their covers was an outdated practice in this day and age.

Following the steps, you performed the back blow after pressing down on his shoulders to lean him forwards slightly. His muscles felt so taught underneath your hand, and you really had to battle the urge to just forget the exercise and run your hands down the expanse of his clothed back. Something told you he wouldn't protest, either.

Jungkook didn't know how to feel. His wide doe eyes fixed themselves on your hand that was splayed out on his chest, only serving to steady yourself, and he couldn't help but let his mind wander. When the heel of your other hand came down in between his shoulder blades, he physically lurched. Not because of the force, there was no way you could match him in strength, but it shocked him enough in its suddenness that a tiny grunt fell from his lips.

"Excellent form, (Y/n)!" Mr. Lee spoke up from the other side of the room. Jungkook came back to his senses and straightened his position, briefly catching your beaming smile from the teacher's praise. He just hoped to dear God you hadn't heard his pitiful whimper at your touch.

At least I have a name now.

"Okay, are you doing the Heimlich or am I?" You then turned to him, and he swallowed thickly yet again. This one he did remember a little more vividly, but envisioning standing behind you and pressing his fist into your stomach made his hands tremble slightly. He couldn't do that! What if he hurt you?

"Um, you can." He cleared his throat and gestured to you in a manner he hoped came across as confident. You saw right through him anyway, but the man was still cute, so you let it slide. As much as you longed to tease him, you were still basically nothing more than a stranger right now. Even you knew when some lines shouldn't be crossed.

Your lips curved in amusement and you motioned for him to turn around. "Okay then, I'll try not to make it too painful."

"Don't worry, I can handle-" Jungkook's sudden show of cockiness vanished as soon as your arms wrapped around his small waist. Were you ... pressing yourself to his back? He couldn't remember the teacher going that far, but here you were with a friendly smile and mischievous eyes, shaping your body to his in a way that had his breathing pattern suddenly sharp and shallow.

"Bend over a little," you directed, trying not to laugh at how you could see the tips of his ears burning a bright crimson underneath the black tresses of hair brushing just above them.

Jungkook almost shuddered at the sensation, but fought the urge in order to comply with what you were asking. It wasn't long before you were surprising him yet again by bringing your hands together into the Heimlich fist and flat palm formation, arms comfortably settled around him and fingers brushing just above his navel as you prepared to squeeze.

Amidst his inner panic, you were enjoying this immensely. It wasn't an everyday occurrence to be able to plaster yourself to someone so attractive, and so downright eager to please. You knew it was meant to be strictly professional for educational purposes and such, but the way this guy was responding to you was undeniably exciting. You'd tiptoed the line that shouldn't be crossed carefully, and he only seemed to be liking it more and more.

Considering the way his palms were sweating profusely at the close contact, he knew he was a goner.

With a quick word of warning, you performed the abdominal thrust as gently as you could while still making sure it was firm enough to lift him slightly off his feet. The sudden show of strength stunned him, but he wasn't about to let it show. He'd already made a fool of himself one too many times today as it stood.

"Easy enough." You chuckled, letting the man go quickly so he could regain control of his senses somewhat. He leaned away, but to your surprise didn't move to exit your personal bubble. In all honesty, he had no desire to part from you at all.

You inwardly cursed at yourself for flushing at the thought and raised your hands in invitation. "Did you want to try on me?"

"Ah, no it's alright. I think I have it all now." He flashed a small smile, tapping one index finger to his temple in emphasis. His reluctance confused you, but judging from his largely bashful demeanour, he most likely never planned to make any moves to touch you in the first place. It was forward of you to take the lead, but you'd be lying if you said it wasn't in your nature.

There's always next time anyway...

"That's a wrap for this week's class!" Lee's bellowing voice snapped you both out of your thoughts, and you had to blink away the embarrassment from all the shameless staring.

"Hey what's your name by the way, I don't think I caught it before." You tried to save grace with a polite, yet awkward handshake. Jungkook only felt his heart grow warmer at the thoughtful gesture.

"It's Jungkook. Sorry I should've said sooner, before you had to punch the shit out of my back."

That tore a laugh from you, and soon enough all the tension in the air had melted away. "It wasn't that hard, c'mon."

His smile, which you now adored after catching a glimpse of his bunny-like teeth, had quickly become one of your favourite things to look at. "I swear you were this close to beating me up," he joked, feeling more alive than ever.

Jungkook collected his bag from beside the door and filed out into the administration area alongside everyone else. He took a moment to eye the receptionist from earlier, wondering what might have happened if she'd told him he was unable to attend the class after all. Watching you walk away from him with a tiny wave of farewell had him resolutely believing it was fate that brought him here.

He just couldn't wait for next week.

Dig Deep - Yoongi

Profile: stoic, mostly expressionless, will smirk on occasion if you entertain him but will deny it ever happened, brusque, ruthless at times, extremely pragmatic and detests spontaneity and yet enjoys the company of people that are??, a hard egg to crack, doesn’t understand or care for affection (yet), his Love Language is Acts of Service, hawk-eyed, never angry but always vexed, unrepentant sex addict, considers you akin to his property, doesn’t know any better, requires limitless patience tbh, your reward for perseverence is gradual glimpses of warmth and consideration, and tentacles, duh, would definitely get upset if you were injured and blame himself.

Hobbies/interests: New entry: sex, being right, saving money, shiny things, learning languages, peace and quiet, keeping a log (a journal, not a length of unprocessed wood, though knowing him he would have a log for a pet)

Star sign: Cleonide

Why you’re a match: You like your alone time? No-one likes being alone more than Yoongi. You could spend time alone together (separately). LOL. I laugh but it’s genuinely something he would dig now and then. But if you get lonely and long for his company, go and see him. He might grumble at first but I guarantee he’d be just as glad to see you. He’ll never make it known, but he genuinely likes being with people, whether it be sitting quietly in the background while his brothers make conversation, or sitting quietly in the background while you audibly fuss with your hair for an hour. As long as he can sit quietly in the background and side-eye your antics, he’ll enjoy it.

And despite his likely protestations, Yoongi will enjoy your loud and funny side, too. He needs a foil like you or he’ll lose his humanity altogether. Your bubbly company keeps him present; stops him from spiraling into negativity and pessimism. Yoongi has a lot of things on his mind, all the time. Sometimes the pressure of it devours him. The more time he spends with you, the more the burden will lift. A moment, a minute, an hour of your vexingly enjoyable company would be a balm for his cynical soul.

Your habit of wearing your heart on your sleeve is, again, completely at odds with Yoongi. He’s rather clinical. But in his case, opposites attract. If someone like Yoongi were to be with Yoongi, neither would thrive. It’s a necessity for Yoongi to be matched with someone with the emotional intelligence for two.

Though there’ll be mishaps and setbacks aplenty, Yoongi will eventually learn to contribute to your partnership - and want to. He’s never wanted anything in his life beyond riches, so that’s significant. At times he’ll find himself frightened by his emerging vulnerability and retreat, but persevere and he will come back a little sweeter each time. 

Yoongi’s no stranger to honesty or open communication, so you’ll be well-catered to there. He might be a little too honest sometimes, but you can live happily in the knowledge that Yoongi isn’t the type for deception. 

As for interests, you align well. Outside of work, which takes up a lot of his time, his biggest pursuit is language-learning. There are thousands of known languages in the surrounding galaxies and he is set on mastering them all. As he acquires knowledge, he programs the ship’s translator to help the less linguistically-gifted crew members. It’s a surefire way to bond with him, though it may feel like you’re talking at a brick wall sometimes. Show your dedication and he’ll begin to reciprocate out of respect. 

I hardly need mention how rockin’ your bedroom life will be but I should probably warn you that this guy is particularly virile and has a zero-second refractory period. Luckily, Yoongi isn’t one to sulk or nag (unlike Jungkook) so tell him you need a break and he will oblige. He might even bring you a soothing gel. You’ll, er, need it.

You had prepared literally everything you could, thinking hard about gifts and writing a small letter to Namjoon in English that would sum up what you would’ve written to everyone if you could, but the written Korean had just been a little too much to master in the time you had.

Sure, you had memorised a few key verbal phrases and responses for the general meeting, but this was seriously going to be tough. You would try your best at expressing your adoration for all seven boys, but you were so scared the message just wasn’t going to filter through well enough.

It’s actually a good thing I’m not at the front, then I’m not holding up too many people.

You watched as the boys interacted with their fans so affectionately, and cursed yourself for not being good enough at languages. Honestly, just meeting them and hearing them speak at all would be enough, but you so badly wanted much, much more.

I tried, that’s all I can say.

~

The boys were looking stunning as usual, hair coloured black and shining under the lights of the closed venue; their clothes appearing just as stylish as usual.

You hadn’t dolled yourself up too much in comparison, opting for light natural makeup and a trendy enough choice of fashion. You just wanted to be comfortable, and you knew you had made the right choice when you spotted some fans grimacing in pain from their heels or pulling down on their ill-fitting tops and dresses.

The boys wouldn’t be judging that aspect the most anyway, because it was your speaking you were terrified about. You took solace in knowing the gifts were what you’d put most of your thought into, because you’d spent so much time making them for about three nights in a row.

I mean, if you couldn’t write them lengthy letters, why not make them something they could have fun and create fan-related memories with? That was all you could ask for.

~

Finally, the girls from the current row were almost gone, and your row moved up to the front expectantly. You could see the boys closely now, and the smile on your face couldn’t possibly get any wider. The last few fans were taking their time at the end of the table, and as a result most of the members were idly looking into the audience or speaking into the microphone every now and again.

“How are you all? Tired?” Jimin smiled as he rested his head in his hands, rings glinting underneath the harsh lighting. Replies echoed back at the boy loudly, but you couldn’t bring yourself to speak because your breath had literally been stolen by his effortless charm.

How were you going to survive being in front of them?

“That’s good, make sure you drink lots of water,” Jimin advised before letting the microphone rest on the table below him, running one hand through his hair to shake away any messiness.

One fan screamed something from further behind your row, but you couldn’t quite catch what it was. The members who heard the outburst fell into fits of laughter, and you saw Hoseok lean sideways to slap Jimin on the shoulder as he chuckled. The younger boy hid his face slightly, but his smile was positively beaming.

“Thank you for that!” Taehyung saluted towards the rowdier part of the audience in response. Literally every time one of the boys did something, shouts and high-pitched screams of the fans would follow. It was easy enough to drown out though, and you had to admit joining in sometimes.

Oh my God, is Seokjin smiling at me?

You froze as you trailed your eyes down to the left side of the table and locked gazes with the eldest of the band. He seemed to be looking at the whole row, but you swore you saw his eyes darting back and forth to your area more than a few times.

“He’s looking at us!” The fan next to you squealed and grasped lightly onto your arm in a bout of excitement, but you couldn’t blame her.

Seokjin spotted the exchange and did a tiny wave in your direction, causing you to raise your own hand and blow a small kiss back at him sweetly.

Wait, why did you just do that?

“You’re cute, but I’ll always be the best.” Seokjin grinned as he picked up his microphone and let it drop again before dramatically blowing his signature kiss right back at you. You laughed loudly, but it was drowned out by the shattering screams of the surrounding fans.

“He just spoke to you!” The same fan from before faced you while shaking her arms around in exaggeration.

“Yeah, we are next. You talk soon,” you pointed out with raised eyebrows and tried your best to gather your Korean the best you could.

“Oh, are you foreign?” She tilted her head in confusion, long black hair swinging.

“Yes, I’m very lucky!”

But it must be too easy to tell…

“Amazing, I’m happy you could come and meet the boys too!” she replied with just as much enthusiasm alighting her tone. The conversation then ended when people started screaming for Yoongi to make hearts, and the kind girl turned away to voice her own input.

You noted that you were kind of short compared to many of the Korean girls and boys sitting in the audience, but it wasn’t too strange. Even younger fans came to these fansigns sometimes.

“Next please,” a deepened voice urged from the end of your row, and you gulped as the nerves gripped at your tightening throat. “Oh my God this is happening,” You murmured, and jumped when the same girl in front of you turned around with a smile.

“It’s okay, fun have fun!”

It was so nice that she was comforting you in your own language.

You bowed your thanks with your own smile and turned to wait for the line to inch along again. Most of the boys were idle now, and while Taehyung was doing cute little dances towards the ARMYs in the audience, the rest were scanning over your row to see what would await them.

Seokjin was occupied by the first fan, but your breath hitched when you saw Jimin and Jungkook throwing tiny waves towards the members of your row. The latter obviously imitating the former like the mischievous brat he was. Still, your mind melted at the adorable sight of their cheeky smiles, and you couldn’t help but clutch at your chest with one hand.

“Are you okay? You there in the first row?” Jimin’s giggle brought you back to your senses, and it took you a good couple of seconds to register that it was you he was talking to. The boy looked at you with amusement, his parted black locks framing his face handsomely as his eyebrows drew together in mock concern.

“Everyone,” Jungkook grasped for his mic, “Jimin-hyung is making you all have heart attacks, what will you do?”

The fans shouted their responses, but you weren’t capable of deciphering them too well. You thought you heard one girl shout something along the lines of ‘send me to hospital!’, but you weren’t entirely sure.

“I’ve had too many today,” You shook your head when the noises had died down just enough for them to hear, and were rewarded with the amused chuckles of the maknaes in return.

“Calm your hearts, everyone!” Hoseok waved one arm and let his tone drop into a warning, causing everyone to laugh at his concerned pout.

Wow, you were seriously interacting with them already and you hadn’t even reached the table. You could almost shriek with happiness.

“Next.”

Okay this is it, God give me courage.

You gripped your bag harder as you breathed shakily, taking careful steps to kneel at the end of the table in front of an eager Seokjin. His eyes crinkled as he smiled down at you, and you could barely stop the rumbling emotions from surfacing.

“Hello!” He grinned as he went straight to signing the album page in front of him, his large hand effortlessly gliding along the route even his muscles would probably remember.

“Hello,” You bowed, “I’m so happy to meet you, Jin.”

Seokjin chuckled as he finished up with the signature and leant forward in his seat to hear you better. His loose shirt was dipping a bit too low for your trembling heart to handle.

“Are you … Are you English speaking ARMY?”

Your breathing drew to a stop and you forced down a groan of disappointment.

“Ah, too easy to tell right? Hello, yes I speak English. Sorry!” You bowed and let both of your hands rest on the table so you could relax. You knew you wouldn’t be able to stay for too long, but your legs were falling asleep already.

“It’s okay! Where are you from?” Seokjin smiled and leaned even further forwards. You swore you heard him mumble a ‘cute’ somewhere along the line, but you were too focused on trying to speak properly that you let it soar right over your head.

“(Y/c), we love you there.” You beamed and also leaned forwards so he could catch everything you were saying. You were sure your eyes were glistening with adoration, so you hoped that would get across most of the thoughts you kept stored within.

“Wow, thank you for coming.” He tilted his head in appreciation and held up both hands for you to grasp onto. You swallowed apprehensively, and as you reached up to interlock your fingers together with his much longer ones, he cooed at your expression.

“I love your voice and I love your jokes,” You stated as you looked upwards for two reasons. Firstly to try and conjure forth the words you were thinking about, and secondly to stop any pesky tears from flowing down your cheeks suddenly. The fact that you were holding hands with Kim Seokjin himself was enough to break you down into a weeping mess.

Deciding you couldn’t take any more struggling, you reached into your bag to bring out the envelope marked with his name, in your best attempt at Korean handwriting. You also brought out a tiny flipbook with certain phrases scrawled across the marked pages.

“Please keep this with you until I reach the end of the table, I have one for everyone so I want you to open them all together please,” You read out confidently now that you had the confirming notes, and at your smile, the black-haired vocalist nodded his head fondly.

“Thank you so much, what is your name? What is your name?”

You returned his toothy smile.

“(Y/n), thank you-”

Your face dropped as the loitering staff behind the eldest member urged you to move with one sharp hand gesture, and you felt your chest tighten at the thought of pointlessly wasting too much time.

Seokjin saw the flicker of sadness cross your features, and looked behind him to see what was happening before turning around with his own pout.

“Thank you (Y/n), I will open,” He held up the envelope, and waved it along with his hand in farewell so cutely that you gripped at your heart again. The feelings of giddy glee swelled inside you, and you couldn’t help but grow excited once more as you waved your goodbyes enthusiastically and scooted over to sit in front of Hoseok.

Seokjin followed your form with a lingering smile, but it morphed into a frown when a staff member tried to slide the envelope away from underneath his fingertips.

“No, not yet please. It’s a surprise for later!”

You missed the exchange because you were already deep into an English conversation with J-hope himself. He had been idle for the last half of your conversation with Jin, so he had instantly picked up on your language barrier and greeted you warmly when you moved.

“(Y/c)? Wow, long way! Is this your first time?” The bright-spirited rapper made quick work of the signing before holding one hand up for a crisp high-five. You obliged immediately with the most dazzling smile you could muster.

“Yes, first time!”

“Is your heart okay? Now?” He asked suddenly, and it took you a few moments to realise that he was talking about the minutes before you had even made it to the table. Where Jimin had caused your very life essence to falter for a few moments.

“You remembered me? Well, no,” You smirked after laughing, letting your hands be held by the grinning man in front of you endearingly.

“Oh! Why?” He questioned while his eyes widened with concern, and you pulled one of your hands free to point at him cutely.

“Because of you.”

Hoseok made a loud sound of amazement and leaned back in his seat, the large smile never leaving his features as he shook your hand back and forth gently. The reaction had been something you were expecting, and you could feel your sides beginning to hurt from how much you were containing the laughter.

“Hobi-hyung is the one giving heart attacks now,” Jimin’s voice suddenly rang out through the concert hall, and you whipped your head around to see him sitting next to Hoseok and talking into the microphone lowly. When he turned back to watch you, your eyes blew wide because his eye-smile was just way too cute.

Hoseok pulled you back to him with a soft tug against your fingers, and you cursed yourself internally for wasting time again.

“Ah, sorry oppa, please take this. I love your mixtape!”

He mouthed the word ‘oppa’ and giggled before thanking you sincerely, but you were so taken aback by his overall cheerfulness that you forgot any misgivings you had about your pronunciation. You repeated the same instructions by reading off your booklet, but jolted in surprise when a hand tentatively reached forward to poke one of your cheeks lightly.

“Cute! Isn’t she cute Jiminie?” Hoseok shook his head in wonder, and you were even more surprised to see that Jimin had been watching the rest of the encounter as well. Had you actually managed to catch the curiosity of all the members already?

“Yes, hurry it up so she can sit with me!” Jimin playfully wacked his hyung’s shoulder and you laughed at their antics, eyeing the irked staff members behind them wearily.

I wish I could just spend as much time as I wanted here.

“Bye Hobi, please open later!” You waved rapidly and high-fived the rapper one more time, making sure he slid the envelope towards himself before scooting across to where Jimin was smiling widely down at you.

Since Hoseok had barely heard the instructions you had given him, he reached over to tap Seokjin’s shoulder for some help. If only he hadn’t been too caught up with the adorable foreign girl who had seemingly captured his heart from one measly conversation.

As you chatted with Jimin using your broken Korean, you noticed the members further down the table growing curious about the envelopes you were leaving behind in your wake. The staff members were probably going to hate your guts, but hey; you were here to make an impression and showcase your full love and devotion in any way that you could. Nothing would stop you now.

“I … don’t speak English,” Jimin warned when he finished signing, and rested his hands underneath his chin to prop himself up. He was most likely exhausted, but he still seemed fully enraptured with you and anything you had to say. Maybe you just looked interesting enough to pay extra special attention too, but you eventually figured they acted this way with every single fan.

“It’s okay!” You swiped one hand through the air reassuringly, and he dipped his head in another bout of amused chuckling. Just from your loud and bubbly tone alone.

“I learn, for you.” You swapped your hand to point to yourself then to him, not even having to try too hard to maintain a warm smile. The boy in front of you was too charming, and you couldn’t resist your expressions just quirking in that way.

“Thank you, you’re a very sweet ARMY. Where…wait, what is your name?” He confidently voiced the last question in a very triumphant tone, and you let out a loud sound of wonder and surprise.

“I’m (Y/n), you’re English is great!”

Jimin calculated for a few seconds before gasping and holding up his hands for you to hold. You reacted instantly and sat up on your knees to reach his hands, relishing in the way his pretty fingers held yours and swayed them from side to side softly.

“I love your voice, and I love your dancing. You … a beautiful dancer,” You breathed out, trying not to let the emotions build up and lodge in your throat again, but it was very difficult. Jimin smiled at your praise, but unfortunately noticed your watery eyes and cut his chuckling short.

“Thank you! Oh, no cry.” He craned his neck downwards to look up into your line of sight, and you fought back the prickling behind your eyelids with a playful groan of annoyance.

“I’m just too happy, I love you guys.”

“Happy? Happy cry?” The vocalist smiled sweetly while grasping your hands once more.

“I love you too (Y/n)!”

God, this boy would seriously leave you dead on the floor one of these days.

“Excuse me, please move along,” A staff member looked at you pointedly with raised eyebrows, and you knew you were definitely not in their good books already. You were only three members in, for crying out loud!

“Oh, okay. Wait, Jiminie can you please take this?” You scrambled to find the correct envelope from your bag, and you flickered your gaze upwards to nod at the staff member in assurance before inching sideways slowly.

“Yes, open later like the others?” Jimin queried while pointing to Hoseok and Seokjin who were locked in conversations with other fans, but the former side-glared at his younger member curiously when he saw the pointed finger.

Wow, he’s been paying close attention.

“Yes, thank you and I’ll miss you!” You exchanged high-fives and sweetened smiles with him one last time before you suddenly found yourself face-to-face with a concentrating Taehyung. Well, he was laser-focused on signing the album at first, but he finished quickly seeing as though you took so long with your goodbyes to Jimin.

“Hello.” He waved adorably, and your whole demeanour brightened when you heard the English right from the very get-go. This caused a few amused and awed chuckles from other parts of the table, but you let all the other sounds drown out.

“Hello Tae, thank you so much!” You beamed again, and you wondered how your face wasn’t aching from all the unusual stretching. Thinking ahead, you fished out his envelope early so you wouldn’t have to flounder with it later on.

“Ah, very cute,” He pointed to the handwriting displayed on the card and chuckled, showing off his boxy smile before meeting your gaze with his own honey-chocolate eyes. His voice and visuals up close were absolutely breathtaking, and you had to take a deep breath before you could even form words.

“Thank you, Oh my God.” You buried your face in your hands, urging away the prickling and masking your crackling voice with laughter. You had managed to keep it together so far, you just needed to last until the end.

“Okay,” You started after Tae’s own chuckles had died out, “I love your singing so much, and I love your humour, very funny.”

Taehyung raised his eyebrows at your sudden Korean and clapped for you once you had finished. As he ruffled his own hair, you became breathless at how stunning his smile actually was.

“Thank you! You know Korean?”

“A little,” You cringed, obviously wishing you knew more. Taehyung reached forward to hold your hands softly.

“No, no. Your Korean is good!” He flashed a thumbs up before keeping his hand there for a high-five. You smiled and reached upon your knees to press your palm to his incredibly larger one, letting out a high-pitched sound of surprise when he enveloped your fingers within his own.

“How are you today?” He giggled, the airy sound trailing his voice so adorably.

“Amazing!”

“Amazing? Because you meet BTS?” He tilted his head, shaking your hands just like how Hoseok had previously.

“Of course, I’m such a big fan. I love your songs,” You gripped his hands just like he had gripped yours, and overflowed with joy when the young vocalist actually seemed to understand your words. 

“Oh yes, favourite song? Do you have?”

Ah, this would be a tricky one.

“I sing for you,” He added with a smirk and nodded encouragingly when you widened your eyes at him. “Can you sing with me?”

Okay, now you were terrified. Sing with Kim Taehyung? How could you ever even hope to use your vocal cords in his proximity?

“I love Singularity,” You suggested with a smile nonetheless, “But I’m not very good at Korean. Little Korean.”

You repeated your gesture solemnly, as you were constantly reminded of your inadequacy. The boy in front of you pouted and shook his head.

“No, you very good. I sing for you.”

You suddenly realised why the song had come to mind first, and that was because it was actually currently playing over the speakers to promote their album. He gasped silently and pointed upwards when you both realised, big brown eyes glimmering with joy. You let your eyes flutter closed when he began singing the melody that accompanied the music.

I’ll never get over it. The huskiness, the smooth dulcet tones…

You were broken from the trance when he cut himself off, and you opened your eyes to see the staff member gesturing for you to move urgently. The moments of sadness were so painful, but you took another breath and steeled yourself to leave the vocalist and move on. The gloom would still be there after this whole thing anyway, probably stronger than before.

“Bye bye, please open after!” You slid the envelope further towards the boy, but laughed when you caught sight of his dramatic fake crying. He reached towards you with two hands again and you high-fived him eagerly. He was actually the cutest bean alive, and you adored his childish side as well whenever it came out.

As you shuffled along to meet Namjoon, you felt cold dread bloom within your chest when you saw a new staff member walk up and reach in to take the envelope from Taehyung’s part of the table. The said boy was too caught up with the next fan to even take notice, and you felt your heart breaking at the thought of him not being able to receive his gift along with the others.

“Are you okay? What’s wrong?” Namjoon’s deep voice sliced into your thoughts like a knife, and you scolded yourself for being so incredibly rude.

“Hello RM! Sorry, it’s nothing. I should have known the gift thing wasn’t going to work out perfectly.”

Ah, why were you so negative all of a sudden? The leader of BTS had these few precious moments with you, but you were wasting them!

“It’s okay! I’m so, so happy to meet you, you’re such an amazing and inspiring person.” You clapped your hands together and bowed lightly in his direction, causing the rapper to smile and show off his dimples in the most endearing way possible. Was it just you, or did you hear him also mumble a small ‘cute’ under his breath?

“I’m glad to meet you too, what’s your name?”

“I’m (Y/n).”

“Hello (Y/n), how have you been today? Has it been fun?” He held out his hands for you to high-five while you were positively swooning from his welcoming smile.

After holding his hands, you launched into the rantings you’d had to keep to yourself for the other boys. Well, it wasn’t that different, you just went into more detail about how much you loved and enjoyed the band and everything they put out for their fans to hear.

“So I just wanted to let you know all of that, and I’m sorry I couldn’t learn properly to tell all of you.” You sighed, reaching into your bag to pull out Namjoon’s envelope and extra little letter. The letter basically had some of what you just said, but sometimes it was just easier to express things on paper.

“Wow, thank you for all your thoughts. You know, we really appreciate you coming all this way and supporting us, everything means a lot.” Namjoon looked at you with so much sincerity and appreciation, you could barely even contain yourself.

“It’s always worth it, your messages will always reach us. I’ve always wanted to thank you for the effort you put in, and thank you for loving music as much as you do.”

Namjoon put one hand over his heart and nodded, smiling widely and laughing that bashful laugh of his.

“Please take this and open it when I’m at the end. Actually, I don’t think it’ll work…” You trailed off when you remembered Taehyung’s had already been taken away from him, so the plan for them all to have matching presents would be soiled.

“Oh, the envelopes? I saw you giving them out before, they’re quite big to be just ordinary letters. What are they?” Namjoon raised an eyebrow as he grabbed for the mentioned paper. “Hold on, this is solid.”

You wore a smirk again. “Yeah, they’re just things I made for all of you, something I thought you’d find a bit fun. But I wanted you to all open them together.”

Your head flicked sideways when you saw Taehyung moving out of the corner of your eye. He looked down under the table and then around himself worriedly, bringing up his hands to indicate he’d lost something.

“V-ssi, your envelope?” Namjoon asked into the microphone so the ARMYs in the crowd could understand what was happening.

“Hyung, did you see where it went?”

You were shifting along the line again, as the staff were not letting up, but you did want to find out if Taehyung would get his gift back or not. I mean, you wouldn’t be that surprised if they all just gave up and let the staff add the envelopes to their massively growing pile of letters.

“Bye (Y/n), I’ll make sure we all have the presents,” Namjoon waved at you cutely and you returned it immediately, feeling a bit shitty that your experience had been slightly ruined by your own creations.

“Hello, English?” Yoongi murmured when you finally settled in front of him, and you had no choice to return his small smile.

“I don’t have to, but I know little Korean. Sorry!”

The rapper shook his head in mock disappointment, and you laughed in response. His sarcasm was always something you had adored.

“What is your name? I heard something like (Y…?”

“(Y/n), you were almost there.” You chuckled, and you felt so happy to see him smiling along with you. Everyone always enjoyed saying he was cold, but this was just pure evidence that he loved interacting with fans just as much as the others did. It’s normal to show it in different ways.

“Yoongi I just want to say, I just want to say I love your rapping and your music production and writing so much. You are very talented.”

Yoongi raised his eyebrows and let his mouth gape slightly at the language change, smiling at the pronunciation. Maybe he just found it cute like the others? You hoped you weren’t making a fool of yourself.

“Thank you, (Y/n).” He reached forward with one hand, and you didn’t even hesitate to press your own palm into it softly.

“I think,” You took a moment to look down at your flipbook, “I think your emotions really flow into your music extremely well, and people love relating to your lyrics.”

Yoongi smirked and nodded, showing how much he was appreciating your words through his actions rather than speaking. He let go of your hand momentarily to thank you again, also applauding you for your obvious practicing of the phrase.

“Can you please take this and open it when I’m at the end?” You pulled the second last envelope from the bunch and slid it over to his side of the table.

He took it with another nod and flashed you a tiny smile as you were urged along the line yet again. Time went by so fast, and you knew your whole fansign experience was soon going to draw to a close.

“Jungkookie!” You cooed quietly as you shuffled over to the last remaining member of BTS. The maknae grinned and widened his eyes at your non-discreet entrance, but you knew it wouldn’t be anything he wasn’t used to.

“Hello, do you have a present for me too?” Jungkook rubbed his hands together mischievously, but you hummed lowly.

“Sorry, uh, English? All I got was present, I think,” You cursed at yourself internally, again.

“Oh!”

Poor bunny.

“Uh, present? For me?” The dark-haired vocalist cocked his head with the most adorable expression of curiosity you had ever seen.

You vaguely noted Taehyung getting to his feet now that he didn’t have any fans sitting in front of him, taking a few steps backwards to discuss something with the staff.

“Taehyungie lost his present,” Jimin said into the microphone, smiling out into the crowd as cheers of support chorused from it. Taehyung turned back around and threw a thumbs up towards the mass of fans, and in return the room erupted into screams.

“Very…loud,” Jungkook brought one hand up to gesture around his ear, and you melted at how cute he was when he spoke in English using that characteristically shy voice of his.

After telling him your name and where you were from, you gave the maknae his envelope and chatted with him for a few more seconds about his singing and dancing. You had touched on your favourite points with each member, and that fact alone made you feel more accomplished than ever before. Now they knew how you felt, at least you hoped they did to some extent.

“Thank you, I heard V-hyung singing,” Jungkook pointed down the table. “I sing too?”

Before you could even open your mouth to reply, a staff member came right in beside the end of the table to point you towards the exit, and your face fractured into the most sullen expression you had worn for the whole night.

Jungkook noticed, and so did several other members who weren’t occupied. Together they smiled and waved, eventually causing the rest to join in once they realised what was going on.

“Sorry, Bye (Y/n)!” Jungkook held up his hand for a high-five, and you smiled again to oblige enthusiastically.

“I sing next time!”

“I hope, there’s next time,” You laughed, trying hard to think about the vocabulary to use.

“Sorry everyone, but we can open them now?” Seokjin complained into his microphone, obviously impatient after having the longest wait time.

The staff directed you towards the side of the stage, and you took one look behind you to see every single member ripping open their envelopes to see what was inside, regardless of if they had fans waiting in front of them or not.

“Wow!”

“Oh, these are great!”

“Ohhhh…”

~

It wasn’t anything spectacular you had put together, they were just colourful headbands. Well, to be exact they were headbands that had each member’s name in large letters following the arc of the band, in their favourite colours of course. Fun!

The idea had been a very fun one, and you knew the hilarious photos that could come out of Hoseok having a massive, green ‘J-HOPE’ protruding from his head during shows for example. The thing was, you knew they would love to have something like this a keepsake, and you hadn’t held back at all when thinking about the size and vibrant shades of the decorations.

It was go big or go home.

“Thank you (Y/n)!” Seokjin’s voice flooded the whole area, but it was almost drowned out by the roar of the screaming crowd. He now wore a massive blue ‘Jin’ on his head, and the audience were absolutely loving it.

You felt warm inside, because it wasn’t as if you needed to be acknowledged or put on a pedestal. As long as they were happy, even if it was just for a few fleeting moments, your job was done.

Okay, so now my life had truly reached a peak of existence. People very rarely lived their dreams, but here I was. A very much living and breathing instance of such luck.

I’d expressed my shaken gratitude to Bang PD right before he had to go. He had many important things to see to back at his company, and I had no intentions of keeping him waiting in the carpark just because I couldn’t flounder any more with my words. I really hoped he would forgive me for my moments of delay...in the mind, at least.

“You’re a blessing.”

Am I a blessing? I think I’m just the blessed one here.

The plastic bag was gently taken from my fingers and I looked up to see the slightly concerned gaze of the stylist raking over me. “Are you okay, (Y/n)-ah?”

I smiled and shook my head in pure disbelief. “I’m sure I’m fine. Sorry if I seem a bit dazed, it’s not something to be worried about.”

The stylist tilted her head fondly, and I rolled my eyes when she jerked her hand forward to pinch my right cheek. “You’re so cute, please say you’ll stay with us for a bit longer?”

I frowned and looked down pointedly at my wristwatch, seeing that my small break was almost due to finish up. The hopeful tinge alighting the taller woman’s eyes flickered out as I sighed and shook my head.

“Sorry, I have work to do. And this room is slowly killing me, I swear,” I whined to try and lighten the mood. I didn’t want the workers to feel sad just because I had to leave and do my actual job. The fact that most of my break had been spent driving down to the shop was sad enough on its own.

“You know we’re trying to get better ventilation,” another woman piped up from where she was organising makeup supplies, and I smiled when every person in the room let out an amused groan simultaneously.

“Our lungs are a small price to pay,” a male stylist snorted with disdain.

I left the room to joke amongst themselves, having already spending way too much of my time in there as it was. The basement was becoming like a second workplace, but it was only because I finished my jobs as an interpreter quite swiftly as the day went on. Practical things like interviews were happening rarely at this point in time, but I knew once the boys had their comeback, things would change greatly.

I passed the brightened practice room as usual and smiled to see some of the boys already delving right into their daily routines. This time, every single one of them could be seen warming up to the sound of the choreographer’s snappy instructions. I felt proud and awed at the sight of their determination to practice so hard, getting every minuscule move down to the point of perfection.

“Hello.”

I grunted with surprise as my attention was torn away from the narrow door window. I hadn’t even realised I’d stopped to observe through the glass, but now a deep and somnolent voice had broken me from the trance.

“Yoongi, damn you’re quiet.” I laughed airily, resisting the urge to clasp at my chest to calm the rapidly beating heart contained within. I glanced at the man in front of me, noting his attire to be fairly casual but sporty at the same time. His faded hair was partially hidden under a black cap. I remembered him mentioning it was due for a cut sometime soon.

“Sorry, but you’re just too easy to scare. You remind me of Hoseok-ah.” He smiled a tiny smile and leaned forwards to glance into the practice room. I watched as his facial expression grimaced slightly.

“You don’t want to head in yet?” I took a few steps, so I was out of the door window's view, and leaned against the adjacent wall. I didn’t want to accuse him of anything sly or sluggish, but it was quite clear that he was reluctant.

“It’s not that,” he began, and I was surprised when he moved to stand in front of me slowly. It seemed he also didn’t want to be accidentally seen by the other members practising inside the room. “I’m just being lazy, and I already practised so much yesterday that I’m worn out already by looking at them.”

I knew that wasn’t entirely true, as the rapper had a lot of stamina when it came to spending long hours at a time performing. Just as they all did, in fact.

“Poor you, why don’t you take a few minutes to chat with me then?” I suggested jokingly, and saw him raise an eyebrow before grinning with amusement. That gummy smile could literally brighten any of my gloomy days.

“If you insist.” He nodded thoughtfully, and I held back a betrayed gasp at how quickly he’d turned the situation around to be in his favour. All that escaped was an abrupt noise of protest, and he laughed again at my widened eyes.

“I seriously did want to talk with you though.”

He looked down, but his voice remained of the same calm levelled tone. He messed around with the drink bottle in his hands while I nodded and rested my back against the wall more comfortably.

“It’s about the other night. I actual...I actually wanted to thank you.”

My mind slowed to process his words. He had lifted his gaze to meet mine intently, and I was so surprised to see how much their inky depths had softened from their initial sharpness. I couldn’t help but suddenly notice how much livelier he looked, compared to when I had taken him on a car ride that one time.

“The concert night? I think I have more to thank all of you for.” I smiled at the thought, memories of the experience flooding right back through me.

“While that is true, I wanted to thank you for what you did for Jimin,” he continued on a serious note, his hands fiddling even more with the plastic bottle. I knew it was hard for him to open up to others so quickly into a conversation, let alone admit the vulnerabilities he and his bandmates shared. I only wished I could communicate how grateful I was for the sentiment.

“When he gets like that, I must admit that it confuses me a lot. We all know he works the hardest to be the best he can, and even then he has this belief that it’s never enough. I don’t think I can ever understand where he gets the negativity from, but in his mind he views the smallest mistake as something bigger.”

I nodded in agreement, but felt sickeningly bad at the same time. I didn’t want to talk too deeply about Jimin and his insecurities when he wasn’t there to hear my thoughts. I wasn’t sure why, but it just felt rude for me to launch into something I had so much to say on.

“I just wanted to thank you for the comfort. I mean, we all have our doubts especially when it comes to performing, but I’m glad you were there for him when we couldn’t see it,” Yoongi finished bluntly, and I knew he had a similar feeling of guilt when it came to talking about the younger member. It truly moved me to hear his outward display of care and appreciation.

“I’m… so happy you’re saying this, I’d love nothing more than to be honest with all of you and let you guys know just how talented and inspirational you are. The doubts will probably never go away, but I believe they can be changed with hard work and confirmation. That – That's why I’ll try and provide that in any way that I can.”

Yoongi’s eyes widened the smallest fraction before they returned to normal, and I didn’t miss the sharp exhalation that fell from his lips as he cast his gaze downwards.

“Wow, you…”

He stopped and I watched as his face broke out into a shy smile before he sniffed and continued to smile while looking straight at me instead. I hoped I hadn’t overwhelmed him too much.

“That’s all we can ask for, thank you. I literally don’t know what else to say.”

“It’s fine, I don’t expect anything more in return,” I chuckled to break any deep and emotional tension resting on our shoulders.

“Just keep making music. We love it as much as you do, I hope you know that.”

Yoongi nodded, a proud smirk working its way gently onto his face.

“Well that goes without saying, I don’t think I could ever stop.”

I glanced my head to the side, watching to see if anyone was approaching before pouting.

“If you did, I think I would have to file a complaint. You’d have more than a few hundred girls suing you then.”

He raised both brows and huffed quietly. “Would I now? My money is disappearing before my eyes.”

My giggle was cut short as the door to the room opened and the bright light filtered out into the hallway where we were talking. A curious Namjoon appeared and held the door open as he trailed his eyes from me to Yoongi, then back to me.

“Hey (Y/n).” He dipped his head formally, then turned a questioning glance to his older bandmate.

“How long have you been out here, hyung?”

Yoongi looked around aloofly and shrugged, turning on his heel to start making his way through the door. Namjoon looked taken aback, and as a result I covered my mouth with one hand to stifle a snort of amusement.

“Sorry, it was my fault for making him chat,” I explained while calming down, waving my hand in an apologetic manner. Yoongi paused with pursed lips.

“Well, I talked, so it was both our fault.”

Namjoon also shrugged and looked behind his shoulder quickly.

“Well, you know how he gets when you’re too late,” the leader warned with a hushed tone so nobody inside would hear him. Yoongi nodded in a brooding thought before turning back to where I was still standing pressed against the wall.

“See you (Y/n).”

I waved my goodbye and returned Namjoon’s small nod of acknowledgement before the door was slowly brought to a close once more. The air of the hallway felt colder now that I was left alone in it, and I shivered before rushing over to the elevator doors to make my escape.

~

The day was now drawing closer to nightfall. I blinked my eyes tiredly at the computer screen in front of me, barely having had any rest for the past couple of nights just because I was positively brimming with excitement over the thought of touring. I really wanted to bring it up with the boys to hear their thoughts, but the earlier conversation with Yoongi hadn't been the right time or place really. I knew I wouldn't be able to keep my mouth shut forever, so it was either they found out some other way or watched as I inched my way into their day to day schedules; ready to let the cat out of the bag.

I finished up a few translating tasks that were sent via email and breathed a deep sigh at the sight of sent work. It was somewhat a struggle to remember the last time I’d experienced such an intense sense of release. At least now I could go home and treat myself to some wine and snacks whenever I pleased.

“(Y/n), I just got a message from downstairs,” one of the other office workers said with a slightly confused expression painting his features. “Said they had a surprise?”

I hummed suspiciously before standing up straight and letting the wheeling chair roll away behind me. My hair, which had fallen out from being tied up all day, now flowed over my shoulders in an uncontrollable manner. I let my eyes gain a dramatic glint.

“If I don’t come back, call the police.”

The man laughed before shaking his head, and I smiled before packing up my desk and preparing to head to the elevator yet again. How many trips had I done just today?

I seriously need to pick a place to work and stay there.

The ride down seemed to take milliseconds, as I was so full of anticipation that time lost all presence. What were the stylists meaning by surprise? This could literally be anything, so I was a little scared to be completely honest.

I nervously shifted from foot to foot once halted outside the large door, raising one tentative hand to rap lightly on its surface.

To say I was unprepared would be an understatement and a half.

The door drifted ajar with an audible creak and I jumped when Seokjin’s face appeared from around the edge. He looked worn out from the day of practising, but the tall singer instantly broke into a grin when he saw me loitering outside the entryway.

“Hey (Y/n)!”

Then his face fell as he threw a quick glance into the room behind him.

“Um, what brings you here?”

Things were weird, I could tell by the way he was purposefully holding the door to block off my curiously wandering eyes.

“Oh, (Y/n)-ah! Come in, come in!” The excitable voice of my stylist unni broke through the heavily guarded atmosphere, and I watched as Seokjin furrowed his brows in semi-protest. It seemed like he truly didn’t want me to see what was happening behind the door, but it was obvious he was going to lose the battle one way or another.

“Hyung let her in!” 

Taehyung’s voice now perked up from somewhere within the room, and I couldn’t let the flames of my curiosity dwindle anymore. I giggled with triumph as Seokjin’s shoulders sagged in defeat. He swung the door open to let me pass following another two beats of hesitation. I wondered why he was so defensive, but soon learned when my eyes drank in the scene.

The boys were seated in front of the mirrors lining the makeup room, but some were walking around while either looking at their phones or chatting to stylists. Each one looked up when I entered the strongly scented space.

I tried to avoid crinkling my noise at the sharp aroma of dye, but the notion fell to the back of my mind when I fully registered the sight before me.

Because now, every single one had their hair coloured black. 

            Copyright © 2020 by salade. All rights reserved.  

“I can drop you home for a lot less, trust me (Y/n).” He laughed again, and it was obvious I had no choice but to follow him speechlessly. A week or so ago, this would have appeared as quite strange and inappropriate to many people, but I knew the stout CEO well enough now to place my trust in him.

“T-thank you so much, you really don’t have to…” I spluttered and gawked when his expensive car came into view. The reason why he’d even come along to the concert was still unknown. Up until this point, I’d been under the impression he usually didn't get involved with the showy stage side of things, but even so, he had obviously come of his own accord.

“It’s fine. After everything you’ve done for us tonight, it’s the least I can do.” Bang PD sighed, and I knew he was thinking about Soojin’s brashness from earlier in the day.

“That’s completely okay, I really enjoyed myself tonight,” I said calmly, thinking hard about what I was about to suggest. “Actually, I wouldn’t mind helping out like this more often. If they ever need anyone, that is.”

Bang PD smirked at me, and I knew he was teasing at the underlying feelings I had for the members in particular. The fact that I was already missing them and it hadn’t even been an hour said quite enough. There was no denying that it did play a big role in my offer, but it wasn’t everything of course.

“I can think of a few reasons why, but unfortunately it’s not in your job description.”

I laughed and exhaled in slight disappointment, my shoulders sagging in defeat. “I know, it’s only if they need someone though.”

The car ride was silent for a few minutes, and we would be reaching my house soon after seeing how fast his flashy car zipped around the streets and backroads of Seoul.

“I have something serious to say to you, (Y/n).”

I immediately grew apprehensive at his tone. I mean who wouldn’t after hearing something like that? I picked at the leather seat underneath me and willed my eyes to not drift towards the scenery rocketing past the window. I needed to show him my full attention here.

“I came tonight for one reason only, and that was to monitor you.”

Back at it again with the bluntness it seemed. Classic Bang PD.

“Monitoring me? That sounds kind of sinister.” I pursed my lips and trained my gaze onto the man’s bespectacled face. He wasn’t looking back, but it wasn’t as if I expected him to while he was driving anyway. I was, on the contrary, glad to not be confronted with his piercing eyes, because the anxiety about the direction this conversation had taken would have surely consumed me whole.

“It’s not that bad,” he said while chuckling, “I just wanted to check up and see how you were doing, but you never saw me backstage. Heaven forbid Soojin-ssi actually informed you of anything properly. I had an opening in my schedule, and I hadn’t visited the concerts for a while.”

I shook my head and laughed along with him. He knew exactly of his assistant’s behaviour, and it seemed he definitely wasn’t the only one. This wasn’t the outcome I was expecting, but I felt appreciative of his caring nature, nonetheless.

“What I noticed…” he then drew out, and a sense of uneasiness fell onto us both.

“Was your relationship with Bangtan themselves.”

Now the hammer dropped. Horror lit up like a wildfire inside me, and I suddenly thought about all my interactions with the boys so far. Dazed eyes scanned the disappearing road in front of me as the cogs within my mind started breaking to pieces. A simple touch could be considered crossing the line with them. I was only a mere staff member, therefore I couldn’t expect anything more or less than simply that, but thinking about it now reminded me that I definitely had not been acting like it.

I must have gone too far. Hell, I literally hugged two of them tonight! That’s a recipe for scandal disaster right there, what the fuck (Y/n).

“I can see your brain working, please don’t overthink about what I just said,” Bang PD’s tone became louder as if trying to speak over the flurry of thoughts. I couldn’t help but swallow thickly and sat back into the plush car seat behind me. I rubbed the clamminess off my palms and steeled myself to hear whatever he had to say next.

“Sorry PD-nim, I know I’ve been…closer than I need to be, I guess.”

He suddenly let out a wheeze of a laugh, and I wished to open some kind of window into his mind just to understand what was happening. He took one glance at my furrowed brows and stifled another laugh.

“No way (Y/n), I wasn’t going to say it was a bad thing at all! Well, hear me out please. I want to be serious for a minute.”

I let out a bellowing sigh of relief and managed to let any amusement die down. If he wanted to be this serious, it meant that something extremely important needed to be understood.

“The boys are solely focused on their idol careers, so when it comes to hiring new staff we try to avoid potential ‘risks’, so to speak. It’s a precautionary thing, but – you don’t have to concern yourself with that notion, because you’ve managed to prove yourself again and again. (Y/n), you’ve been working with us for only a few weeks now, but you’ve only solidified my opinions.”

I was smiling now, because the man’s words were so heartfelt and honest. I wondered straight away if he was about to open up to me somehow. This didn’t usually happen, right? Or maybe it did, because he just liked being a boss that staff members could be comfortable and adaptable with.

“You have the best of intentions, I know this for sure, but that isn’t the problem,” he continued while gaining a more solemn tone, “The issue itself, is attachment.”

Another hammer, ah yes. I should have seen this one coming from a mile away.

“Now, I don’t have a problem with you and the boys getting along well. Many of the staff are close with them, and it’s not something out of the ordinary because there are so many faculty members that have been with us from the beginning. It’s only natural.”

When he turned to gauge my response from over the rim of his glasses, I found myself nodding in earnest understanding. I completely agreed with what he was saying, because there was no way you wouldn’t form a substantial bond with the very people who had helped you rise to the top. I couldn’t quite put my finger on what the man was trying to get at exactly, though.

“You-”

 He stopped and cleared his throat loudly, obviously racking his brain for the right words to use. It left me dumbfounded, because Bang PD had always come right out with whatever was on his mind. Sometimes it was a little too harsh, but most people valued his opinions and appreciated his level of honesty whether it hurt them or not. This industry did teach their employees to deal with no-nonsense attitudes.

“Not including the backstage crew at the venue, you have been one of the youngest staff members we’ve hired in a while.” He finally sighed, and my mind created the imaginary train tracks steering straight to the point.

“I’m not fearing the attachment you may develop if you continue to spend time with them, but I do fear things going awry or their focuses being taken away from their careers. Usually, I would remove you from the situation without question right away, but I saw you with them tonight-”

I flooded with sudden embarrassment when he looked upwards to think again, as that meant he had most likely seen the hugging too. There was a cold dread settling into my stomach at the thought of getting ‘removed’. That would mean the cost of my job and everything I had worked for so far. I would feel empty, because now that the boys were in my life, I didn’t want them to just vanish.

Oh God, why had I let myself get attached already??

“I understand, actually,” I murmured, “and it would probably be for the best if I didn’t see them as much.” I managed to force it out through half gritted teeth. It really did hurt me to say, but I could see that it was the best option. Who knew what hardships would come later if I continued the way I was going?

“That’s not what I’m saying, I said I saw you with them tonight, but I didn’t mean it in a bad way.” Bang PD started to slow down the car, and I knew we had finally reached the entrance to the carpark of my apartment building.

At his statement, I couldn’t help but feel confusion tickling the edges of my mind. The founder of Bighit shifted sideways in his seat to give me his full attention. Now, he could finally focus without having to divert his thoughts to not crashing and killing us both.

“They were nervous wrecks before the concert started. And I know this because I went in there just before you arrived to have a chat with them all. I could tell that Namjoon-ah would be just fine, and they all would’ve been in the end, but seeing the members like that is never comforting.”

I was fully enraptured by the man’s words, because I had never heard him speak with such a deep and sympathetic tone before. I speculated on when he had last talked to somebody like this.

“There wasn’t much I could do. I’ve supported them through the years, and they know they can always confide in me if they ever need to,” he continued while nodding forlornly. “But when it comes down to live events like these, there’s only so much I can say to help them out. And I'm rarely around as it is.”

The sudden silence urged me to convey my thoughts on the matter. “It’s nearly impossible to get rid of the nerves and doubts once they’re there anyway,” I spoke softly, eyes distant as I fiddled with my own hands uneasily. The atmosphere was more disconcerting than ever now that we had managed to find the time to stop and think.

“That’s what I thought too, but then you came in.” Bang PD chuckled and started tapping his fingers on his leather lined steering wheel to an imaginative rhythm.

“I literally watched as you made their tension disappear like it was nothing. Many people envy you when it comes to your ability to read a situation like that, because it was like you knew exactly what to do, and I’m sure they appreciated it more than you know.”

I almost choked at his sincerity. I hadn’t seriously done all that much, just held a small conversation before the show had commenced. It was only because one of the stylists had asked me to help out, otherwise I may not have even made contact at that time.

“Really? Thank you so much for saying that,” I dipped my head lightly, because I also wanted to hide the sudden spell of emotions from showing too much.

“Afterwards as well.” He sighed, and I watched him begin to smile with approval. “They were so happy, but you made them even happier in an instant. Jimin-ah too. Anyone who cared to watch could see it.”

At this point, I couldn’t help but laugh in a bizarre mixture of disbelief and amazement. Maybe I had just felt so ecstatic in their presence that I hadn’t even known their behaviour was changing too.

“This isn’t something they’ll likely admit, but I think I have an idea about how they’re feeling.” Bang PD cleared his throat. “You might just be the consolation they need, (Y/n). They have always had each other and their many supportive staff to help them find their footing, but I think you might be the key to keeping them there. To reassure them, using your viewpoint as a fan of sorts.”

He finally stopped to breathe, and my mind was churning once again at the revelation. He wasn’t even finished, and it seemed he had much left to say.

“You’re basically like a spokesperson. I know they wouldn’t have reason to doubt or disregard anything you have to say about them from their music choices to even their stage images. Min Yoongi came to talk with me the other day, telling me all about how he’d found a way to get over a certain stump in lyric writing.”

“Ah, that boy.” I muffled another chuckle and the softest of smirks made its way onto my features. I was honestly so happy to even think about being a positive influence in their lives, it made me glow from the inside out.

“It’s why I’ve made a decision,” Bang PD spoke again, and I recognised the familiar firmness to his tone that usually meant he was about to drop something big.

“Taking into account what I mentioned before about the attachment, I think it could actually help us out instead. As their presence worldwide grows, so will the pressure, and I want someone they’re comfortable with to be there for them as a support.”

“So, that’s me? What will happen? What am I going to have to do exactly?” I stammered, feeling considerably warmed and buzzed with excitement at the producer’s words. Everything he was declaring sounded like a wistful dream to me right now, but to say I also wasn’t feeling the pressure would be a lie.

“Nothing extravagant just yet.” He held up a hand while stifling a chuckle. “But it’s why I’ve decided to involve you in more activities.”

Okay, now the excitement was ready to detonate.

“And that’s why I’m asking you to go along with them on their next tour.” 

            Copyright © 2020 by salade. All rights reserved.  

Taehyung and Jungkook were unblinking like owls as they followed the movements with their widened gazes. My hands never left the muscles of Jimin’s upper arm, and I felt them tense suddenly as my face moved downwards to his jaw. I let my eyes trail the clear, albeit with a slight sheen of sweat, beautiful expanse of his collarbone and neckline before finally planting a gentle kiss on the bump I found in the middle. I felt his Adam’s apple move underneath my lips as he gulped against his will, and I wished I could see how he looked during the moment.

I wanted to see his head tilted upwards, his expression. I wanted to see how his eyes darkened and how he fought the urge to bite down on his bottom lip for a few heart-stopping seconds. I could only see the way his fists clenched while they rested beside him against the ground, as if he wanted to mix them into the action so badly, but couldn’t because it was only meant to be a stupid game.

“His…throat?” Taehyung pondered aloud once I pulled away. What had only taken a mere two seconds had felt like a lifetime, and I had to divert my attention when the feeling of my lingering breath caused a shiver to travel the length of Jimin’s spine noticeably.

“Nope. I know it’s not quite right, but I meant his vocal cords.” I shook my head, feeling somewhat embarrassed by the idea.

“Oh! But it’s impossible to be direct so you just went over the top?” Hoseok closed his eyes and breathed in awe, reaching out for a sharp high-five much to my amusement.

“Oh, how thoughtful of our (Y/n),” Seokjin murmured, also shaking his head in admiration before clapping slowly and laughing along with the others.

Jimin sat displaying a small tender smile, bringing one hand up to brush his fingers against the skin of his neck briefly. He then tried to hide his face while chuckling in pure bashfulness, and I again drew blanks on how quickly his whole demeanour could change in less than a second.

“His voice gives me actual life, what more can I say?” I pursed my lips and shrugged. “Actually, there’s a lot more, but I won’t go into it because I think Yoongi over there will skin me alive if I take much longer.”

Amidst the chuckling, I saw Jimin bring his gaze up to look at me meaningfully from across the room. It was noisy again, but I watched him mouth a tiny ‘thank you’ while straightening his posture. He was positively glowing. I couldn’t help but return the warm smile straight away, because I felt so delighted that he was happy and confident with the praise I’d implied through the kiss.

“Jungkook-ah and Yoongi-hyung to go. Rock paper scissors or just shuffle?” Hoseok managed after the sudden chatter had died down.

“Shuffle the damn thing, Kook-ah looks too scared to focus right now,” Yoongi snorted, a gummy smile making an appearance as he picked on the younger member.

“I’m not scared at all,” Jungkook complained, sharply moving to knock the hood off his head and ruffle his night-black bangs until they weren’t as tangled. Taehyung nudged a teasing elbow into the maknae’s arm, boxy smile never failing as he messed around with the other boy. Namjoon had been quiet for a while, but he was still fully absorbed into what would happen next – just like every other being in the room, including a certain grumpy rapper.

 “Hyung it’s you!” Jimin and Hoseok screamed together, amusement reaching a new peak as the name flashed brightly on the screen.

“Well about time, I thought I was going to die here without getting my kiss,” Yoongi grunted, shifting so that he was perched on the very edge of the bed.

“Oi, don’t mess up my bedsheets so much,” Seokjin scolded from beside him, leaning his large body backwards to try and smooth out the covers with his arms.

So it is Jin’s room, looks like I was kind of right anyway.

I eventually got to my feet because Yoongi was too high for me to reach properly from the floor.

“Do you want me on the ground?” He inquired passively, but I narrowed my eyes at him for his questionable choice of words.

“No, I’ll have you on the bed,” I answered just as boldly. The whole room exploded and all we could hear was the soundless chuckling of the two youngest members, the loud cackles of Hoseok, Namjoon and Jimin, and the semi-muffled squeakiness belonging to Seokjin as he tried to hold it in.

“Well there’s a lot to think about with you. I love the brilliant rapping skill, but your tongue is a little too hard to kiss, right?” I decided to take it further with one cocked eyebrow.

“Yes, it’s moving a little too fast for me unfortunately.” He kept a level tone much to my surprise, but the response itself caused me to double over. We already needed to dig graves for the rest of the room as it was.

“Oh my God, I can’t believe you just –”

“I don’t know if I should have regrets right now.” Yoongi laughed quietly and licked his lips once as he glanced at everyone dying around him. I adored the way his sharp eyes were curved into little crescents, and I also felt my heart clench at the sight of the little crinkles appearing at the edges.

“I’m allowing myself two for this one,” I announced loudly before striding forwards and slowly leaning over his smiling face. Given enough time to react, Yoongi took note of my close proximity and straightened his sitting position. His smile faltered only slightly, but I still caught it.

“Is this okay for you?” I asked softly so only he would hear. The words were drowned out for the others anyway because of how they started to reprimand me for changing up the rules.

“Yeah, thanks for checking though.” He smirked and nodded once, casting his gaze downwards because he didn’t really know what else to do. He wasn’t pouting, but he had that stare where he just flattened out his smile and looked like an awkward ball of fluff. It was so cute and loveable, I just wanted to squish his cheeks together.

Who would even know this is one of the fiercest rappers in the world?

I leaned over him slowly again and was grateful that he angled his face upwards so I could figure out where I was going. Since he was sitting, the height made it so that the top of his head only just fell short of mine.

I cupped his face with two hands, telling him to close his eyes before brushing my lips over each of his eyelids ever so slowly. It was a strange place to kiss, so I kept the contact literally as feathery as I could, only grazing over them to indicate I had been there. I felt his eyes flutter when I pulled away, and resisted the urge to giggle when his eyelashes suddenly tickled the underside of my chin and cheek. He had apparently snapped them open as soon as he could, surprised despite saying he wouldn’t be before.

“Wow, Yoongi-hyung’s eyes are pretty unique,” Namjoon noted from down on the floor, earning noises of agreement from a few others. They laughed openly at how the eldest rapper just continued to nod indifferently. He still seemed a tad shy and shaken, but he chose not to let it show all that much.

“Okay Jungkook, I think they all want to go to bed soon. I’ll try and be quick.”

I hopped over to the other side of the circle, kind of stunned to see that he wasn’t looking as wide-eyed as he had before. Maybe he’d just gotten over the shock since he’d watched everyone else go through the same thing?

“Since it’s the last one, make it really surprising,” Jimin suggested, right before continuing to exchange whispers with Hoseok and now Taehyung too. I was suspicious of them and their offhand chuckling, but there was nothing I could do but just suspect that they were all up to no good. Seokjin, Namjoon and Yoongi also eyed them questioningly from the other side. I could only sigh and share in their confusion.

I turned back to Jungkook and saw him shift his eyes suddenly to the side, as if he didn’t want to be caught looking. The trio of misfits chuckled again, and I looked back and forth between the two in an even greater amount of suspicion.

Okay, he’s acting way too weirdly for it to be normal. And those three are definitely up to something… Hold on, what if they made a bet?

I inwardly gasped in realisation, looking back at Jungkook and narrowing my eyes to see if he would reveal anything. He definitely looked way too confident, and it was like his sense of competitiveness was overriding the fact that he was usually uneasy around women. Well, around women trying to kiss him anyway.

I’ll make him crack.

I turned back and smirked at the three others before shuffling forwards, and by the sounds of it someone had caught onto the fact that I’d noticed their little plan. Jungkook seemed only slightly tense now, but I knew he wouldn’t be prepared for what I was about to do.

“Is there anything you’re not comfortable with?” I asked with a teasing lilt to my tone. The boy in front of me cleared his throat and pouted in thought.

“I’m not sure what you really mean by that, but anything is fine I guess,” he answered, and I choked down an evil laugh of foreboding.

“Okay, well Jungkookie you have many physical features I love, but sadly I’ve used a lot of them for the others already.” I sighed, moving closer until we were at a distance that allowed me to finally touch him.

I looked into his slightly widening eyes to make sure he was fine before reaching downwards and tugging on the hem of his hoodie. His breathing hitched severely, but I knew he was way too stubborn and determined to give up on winning whatever he’d agreed too.

“These abs … never a necessity, but I can’t say they’re bad on the eyes.”

With a mischievous chuckle, I witnessed the moment his mouth went dry and his brain clicked with understanding. I left him no time as I tugged the hoodie up some more to reveal the boy’s stomach, abdominal muscles tensing due to his slightly leant back position. I knew everyone was holding their breath behind us as I swooped down to plant my lips against the smooth ridges of his muscles for a tiny second. To my surprise, he let out a massive exhale above me and clenched the muscles even firmer.

“(Y/n)…”

I pulled away and looked upwards in curiosity, because that voice was way too broken and breathy for my liking. He was looking down at me almost as if he was pained to do so, lips red and ravaged by his teeth from the looks of it. His brows were furrowed, and he looked away with widened eyes after holding my gaze for too long.

He’s flustered!

I turned around to see every pair of eyes trained ruthlessly onto Jungkook and I, but tried my best to ignore the pure heated amazement hidden within each gaze.

“Did he lose?” I asked the group of three who had let their jaws drop in unadulterated shock.

“W-what?” Seokjin stammered, finally moving to turn to Yoongi beside him and then switching to look at the same group I was looking at.

“You noticed!?” Jungkook suddenly whined, and I turned back with a knowing laugh bubbling to the surface of my lips.

“Yeah, those three were way too obvious and I knew you were acting weird.”

“He lost, we made a bet that he couldn’t make it through without getting shy or without blushing,” Taehyung explained, giggling at the defeated expression of the maknae who was groaning out a dry laugh and rolling around on the floor. I noticed his cheeks and ears turning a marvellous pinkish-red as we spoke.

“Now he owes us our next meals,” Jimin hummed, triumphant for winning but still seeming shocked over my unbidden actions. “How did you know? You could’ve helped him win.”

Jungkook sat up again.

“Yeah, why didn’t you help me? It was three against one!”

I hid my chuckle behind one hand, loving how funny this whole thing was. The other three hyungs who seemed out of the loop were now joining into the shenanigans too, but I figured they’d be used to random pranks being pulled around the dorm or studio every once in a while. Maybe even more often.

“You seemed too cocky and confident. I felt powerful, so I wanted you to lose. Sorry Kook-ah.”

He shook his head, glaring at me playfully before sighing a deep sigh and making sure his hoodie was fixed up properly.

“Well, you definitely won. You guys can’t blame me for that.”

The trio shook their heads fervently, and I burst into laughter at the scene. My mind wasn’t swimming as much as it had been about an hour ago, but I wasn’t completely all there yet. It seemed like a few others also weren’t, but Namjoon would soon have them sorted out.

“Alright guys, you know if we stay here too much longer we won’t be feeling great tomorrow. We have to be in good shape for our fans here in Japan, and for any ‘holidaying’ we want to do,” the leader said with a grunt as he got to his feet, collecting the beer bottles around him to throw away.

“You’re right, we don’t want Sejinnie-hyung to murder us.” Hoseok picked up his own bottle, sticking out his tongue and screwing up his face in disgust.

“I should get back too, I’m not even sure what I’ll be doing here yet,” I muttered, finally realising how my drinking actions tonight could have repercussions later down the track.

“Where’s your room? We should walk you.” Jimin smiled after collecting his own trash, but I shook my head softly.

“It’s just down the hall, thanks anyway. Tonight was great fun, it sucks we can’t let loose and go to clubs and parties together, but I hope we can have drinks again sometime.” I chuckled wickedly, moving to tie up my hair after finding the discarded hairband in a random corner.

“Definitely, I don’t think I’ve laughed so hard in one night for a while. It’s great to have you back,” Hoseok blinked his eyes in bewilderment, and Namjoon agreed wholeheartedly along with most of the others.

“It was funny watching, but I’d like to have something next time too,” Taehyung announced, weariness suddenly noticeable in the way his deep voice became a little croaky. I looked around to see all of them in various stages of sleepiness. Namjoon yawning, Jungkook rubbing at his eyes, Seokjin’s head slowly sinking forwards until he suddenly jerked himself awake.

I waved, earning a few more playful remarks and farewells before heading out to go to my own room. “All of you get some well-earned rest. I’ll see you in the morning chumps.” The air out in the hallway was crisper, and I breathed in heavily before turning on my heel.

I’m so happy spending time with them again. I love them too much. Separation was not a good idea after all. Plus, did I just actually fucking kiss them all!?

“Why were you in Seokjin-ssi’s room at this hour (Y/n)?”

Wait, that voice…

My heart skipped a beat as Soojin stood in front of me, her eyes calculating as she awaited my response. She was dressed more casually than I had ever seen her, but the most surprising thing was just her presence here in the empty hotel hallway. I didn’t think she’d be coming along on the tour too! I literally thought she was an assistant back with the company, not someone who managed on tours as well.

“Unni! I didn’t know you were coming to Japan. Actually, they’re all in there, we were just hanging out,” I spluttered, feeling like I was being judged all of a sudden. I guessed it did look pretty bad to anyone who didn’t know of my closeness to the boys, but I thought she would’ve known. She was Bang PD’s assistant after all.

“Yes, well I manage tours a few times a year depending on if it’s necessary or not. I would advise against ‘hanging out’ with them like this. You’re meant to be an interpreter and nothing more. There’s too much risk here.”

The dread and disappointment welled up inside me, because I did know all of this. I knew about my place, and I knew about the risks. These were things I had accepted and overcome as time had gone on, but here Soojin was planting those seeds of doubt all over again.

“I understand, I’ll head to my room thank you.” I dipped my head, eager to get out of the conversation and away from her piercing gaze.

“See that you do.”

I walked past as she entered her own room silently. It seemed it was terrible timing, because she must have been coming back from the bathroom or something just as I had left Seokjin’s room. It would’ve looked bad to her in every way imaginable, but I thought about how much better it would’ve been if I’d left the room just that little bit later or earlier.

I would have felt so much better not seeing her at all, because now I knew that this tour might turn out to be way more stressful than I had expected.

            Copyright © 2020 by salade. All rights reserved.  

Then there was a silence that made me feel as unsure as ever. If you asked me to explain the feelings caused by the echoingly empty sound, I couldn’t tell you. It was as if she was carefully handpicking her next words. Tiptoeing so cautiously around her thoughts, just in case I didn’t like what she had to say and barred myself away once more.

She’s too foolish to understand that I can see through her, even if she’s not physically here.

I fiercely fought down the urge to grind my teeth in anger and chose to wait patiently instead. If she had to take the time to think about what she was saying, then she obviously wanted to be in my favour somehow. I could not for the life of me understand how she’d possibly thought that was a scenario that existed, but apparently it did.  

“Honey … how have you been these days?”  

A surge of bile bubbled up through my windpipe. This problem was becoming borderline toxic.

“You better get to the point before I hang up,” I seethed. The plan was to keep my tone calm and neutral but there was no way the hurt wasn’t going to seep through the cracks. Hearing how fake and desperate she’d become just single-handedly destroyed what little snippet of respect I had left, buried deeply somewhere there in my heart.

She scoffed almost soundlessly before heeding the request.

“Fine, if it’s really going to be this way. I need money. Your dumbass father has gone and crashed the car again, but this time he’s pretty messed up. We can’t afford all these bills and I really need some booze if I’m gonna stay sane in this shithole. You’re the only child still attached to us so you’re going to be the one to get your dunce of a dad out of debt.”

I felt my chest tighten the longer she spoke, albeit rather roughly, but the words were still heavy with wrenching information. I didn’t know exactly how to feel, but I knew this whole situation would be a hell of a lot easier without the tugging family ties making me second guess everything.

“Hold on, how bad is the accident?” I growled, trying to ignore the rest of her sentence about alcohol and shitholes. The thought of my own father being severely injured made my heart skip a beat in sudden fear. It wasn’t too bad, was it?

“Pretty damn bad, I guess. He was in the ER, and I’m sure the doctor said something about rehab? Acute rehab? Ugh, can’t remember.”

This is terrible, and she can barely bring herself to care!

Tears unwillingly pricked at the corners of my eyes and I furiously blinked them away.

“Is he on life support or something?”

“Not anymore. Dunno why he’s still being a dickhead and drink driving everywhere. Something was bound to happen eventually, and if it was up to me they should have slapped a band aid on it and sent him on his way. These fancy doctors just want to leech money from us.”

“You realise that money is what kept him alive, right?” I murmured in disbelief. There was a raging war of conflict taking place in my mind, and I couldn’t even fathom how she was being so nonchalant about all of it. Her own husband had almost died, and she was blaming the hospital for their crippling poverty.

“(Y/n), darling…”

There it was again, that wickedly sweetened voice that could only be a feeble attempt at manipulation at this point.

“I’m only going to think about it for the sake of life and death, I literally can’t believe how fucking disgusting you are. Don’t consider me attached to you ever again,” I choked out in a haze of fury. I could feel every shred of dignity and hope I had left for my family burn away into cloudy ash before me.

“I should have known better.”

And with that I hung up. The silence was too deafening, too close and invasive to be even remotely comfortable. I didn’t even know why the disappointment and vindication was hitting so hard and fast either, because in the back of my worrisome mind I always knew that nothing good could come from such a reach.

Wishful thinking. It seemed to be something I lived by too closely.

My eyes blurred with a watery film as I brought the phone screen upwards again. Soojin was waiting for me like a brewing storm outside, but I knew that I just couldn’t stitch myself back together for a meeting mere minutes after feeling my tendrils of a childhood slip away from me.

‘Can you come in here for a minute or two? It’s okay if you and Yoongi left already.’

I sent the text to Namjoon after a second of hesitation. I knew normally I would’ve dealt with the emotion and carefully hidden it away to move on with my working life. I wouldn’t have allowed anyone see past the drawn curtains into the darkness behind, but things had changed drastically over the past few months.

Since I had pulled that stupid stunt and distanced myself from everyone I cared about, things had changed. Yoongi’s words rang clearly through my head again and again like a broken record.

“You could’ve talked to us, we wouldn’t just ignore you if it was about something serious. Jesus, especially if you were feeling depressed. (Y/n), please…”

Then Taehyung’s.

“This is why you can’t hide your feelings. At least talk to one person, a close friend or something, because I know you haven’t…”

“I’m here.”

I sniffled in surprise as the hotel door clicked shut suddenly. Namjoon was by my side in less than a moment, breaths coming out in quiet pants even though he seemed to be trying his best at controlling the strained puffs of air.

“Oh God, you really ran back here for me?” I sighed, trying to tip my head back to get rid of the annoying things called tears.

“I was only down the hall, trust me,” Namjoon assured softly, taking notice of my sorry state of emotions and instantly switching his gaze to one full of concern. I watched as his perceptive eyes trailed down the length of my arm to the phone clasped into my shaking palms.

“(Y/n) …”

I almost jumped in my skin when he moved to slowly unclasp my fingers from around the warm device. The man took the rectangular object and slid it carefully onto the surface of the bedside table before taking a seat beside me on the bed. His honeyed voice was nothing but soothing to the ears.

“Hey, what’s going on?”

Then I spilled it all, like a broken dam rushing to meet what physics required of it. His eyes hardened as I spoke about my mother and her overall attitude, but softened when I couldn’t help voicing my newfound conflictions. I wasn’t surprised to find myself cradled into his broad chest by the end of it.

“A-and Taehyung had just pretty much convinced me to try reaching out to them last night. Now I’m forced into making a decision I don’t even want to find myself making. It’s just that…if he dies I will never forgive myself, and I really, really fucking hate that.”

I was almost ready to openly cry into the flimsy polyester shirt he wore, but once again I found myself holding back in fear of losing face. I never knew why I just couldn’t let it all go for once in my life. Maybe it was something too utterly routine after years and years of practice.

“Nobody can blame you for feeling that way about your own father, (Y/n). It’s like a natural instinct to try and protect those closest to you,” Namjoon murmured lowly. I let my eyes droop shut as I tuned into the rumblings coming from his chest.

“That’s the thing. I’m not close to them at all.”

A hollow sigh was next. His body relaxed further as he grew used to the feeling of my tears sinking through his exercise shirt, because even though he was the one to bring me into the reassuring hold, he still wasn’t accustomed to such a close proximity with someone other than his bandmates. I felt so indebted to him in every way.

“Even so, it’s family. You feel this connection that no-one else can, and even if you don’t like who they are as people, there will always be a love there that you might think is just too unexplainable. Now that I think about it, your nature to care about others probably made you even more susceptible.”

I couldn’t help but widen my eyes. He was always able to just come out and spin my thoughts into the words I couldn’t come up with. He just seemed to understand the very world we lived in, along with all of its nasty people and ideologies, in a way I struggled to. I was shocked at how he was able to take any point of view, turn it around to see the other side of it, and grasp the concept just as easily. An optimistic part of it, nonetheless.

“Namjoon, why are you just so amazing?” I chuckled after a minute of contemplative silence. He’d fidgeted slightly when I hadn’t responded, wondering if he’d done something wrong or made things worse. He was a little goofy sometimes, but nobody could deny how brilliant he truly was as a person.

“I’m not really,” He huffed bashfully, and I was shocked again when I felt one of his large hands come up to stroke my hair in comfort. It was so weirdly easy to be comforted by him after such a stressful morning.

“It’s just easy to see why you’re feeling the way you are. Take my advice and think hard about what you want to do about it.”

I felt the pad of a finger wipe away the last of my salty tears from my skin. The action was so sweet I couldn’t help but lift my head to meet his heartwarming gaze. The sight of his slight smile and tiny dented dimples made my heart almost stutter to a halt.

“In the end, they may only be using you and may only continue to turn a blind eye to the wonderful daughter they have, but at least you know you did what you believed was right. Use the love they may not feel to love yourself and the person you are.”

“Namjoon, stop before I…”

Taehyung I wish you could look, because this is me opening up. It’s ugly isn’t it?

More tears suddenly flowed and for once I couldn’t hold it back anymore. Namjoon’s face fell as I sobbed loudly into his chest, the liquid remorse tumbling out unstoppably. I couldn’t see his saddened expression of relief, but I knew I wasn’t alone in feeling the pent up tension flow away along with the waterworks. His muffled ‘shh, it’s gonna be fine’ and gentle strokes of encouragement to my head began gradually replacing the emotions with joyous ones.

I felt so much appreciation and love for the man it almost hurt.

“I haven’t cried in front of anyone since primary school, up until this morning in the hallway and now here,” I whimpered after a few minutes, almost letting myself doze off to the feeling of his presence enveloping me. How long had it even been?

“I’m just glad you even told me as much as you did. Taehyung might have mentioned that a few of us could see your pain, even if you didn’t know it was there yourself,” Namjoon said after clearing his throat slightly. I felt bad that I’d forced him into staying with me through the bout of misery, but his words violently struck more than one chord.

Yeah, and he also mentioned something else.

I was suddenly reminded of Taehyung’s big revelation from the night prior. The feelings they all had for me. I forced myself to keep my eyes trained forward, but there was no way Namjoon hadn’t noticed the way my body tensed up all of a sudden.

I can’t ask him about it now, or confirm it. They’re in the middle of a busy schedule and I also have stuff to deal with. I’m going to have to wait until we’re back in Korea to confront them about it.

I relaxed again and finally removed myself from Namjoon. He looked up at my standing figure with slight confusion, not really being sure of my stability or composure just yet. I could only sigh to let us both know that I was feeling a hell of a lot better than before.

I took one amused moment to glance over his slightly ruffled black tresses, probably having little to no effort put into the style for a day such as this one. Soft hours were now open in the messy hotel room.

“Thank you so much, I really needed … all of that,” I smiled crookedly, indicating that I was ready to move on with my life and away from the dilemma of my family for now. Namjoon got to his feet quickly after almost knocking over the vase of flowers on the bedside table. He grunted in surprise while I laughed and grabbed for his flailing hand to help keep him steady.

“It’s fine, you know it always is. You’ve been through more shit this morning than most go through in a week or months. I’d say you deserve a shoulder to cry on whenever you need one,” he spoke seriously and nodded, averting his widened eyes down to where I still held his hand within my own. These guys really did love a lot of hand attention, I did come to find after all this time.

“You’re sent from the heavens Joonie,” I chuckled airily, feeling so many feelings but nowhere near as crushingly as I had earlier.

“You confused me with you, angel,” He replied abruptly, moving with a confidence I rarely saw to shift a stray lock of hair away from my face. His smile was so warm and his line incredibly cheesy, but I felt something within me snap. The love was too intense for me to overlook.

I stepped forward and reached up to cradle his smiling cheeks into my palms. There was a need to rise onto my tiptoes before my lips finally grazed his in a very restricted but needy kiss. I fought back a smile when I felt his muscles slacken in absolute shock, but then he was returning everything wholeheartedly. His large hands pulled me closer by the waist and his lips started moving against mine just as surely, as if it were something that had been waiting to happen for too long.

I almost felt myself get lost in the sensation, but something nagged at me the further I slipped away into the moment.

“Shit, I’m sorry,” I gasped, pulling away reluctantly and squeezing my eyes shut in burning shame. I was embarrassed of myself for not upholding the pact I’d created about leaving the whole feelings thing until later on, plus I had basically thrown myself at him without giving anything resembling a warning.

“Why are you sorry? I think you just made me the happiest man on Earth,” Namjoon protested in shock, eyes wide and hands spread open to anticipate any sudden movements I made to escape. His cheeks were flushed a rosy pink and I found it undeniably gorgeous to contrast his complexion.

“I promised to leave it, but I just couldn’t control myself. Can we finish this-”

I made a little circular motion with one finger.

“-once we get back to Korea? I just have to speak to everyone.”

Namjoon nodded and agreed tentatively. I could tell by the way his brows furrowed slightly that he’d probably figured out the reasoning behind my request, but he would have to wait to question Taehyung at another time. I inwardly thanked him for his overarching awareness.

“If you see Tae, tell him I’m alright and that he needs to stop blaming himself. I know he’s probably taking the whole Soojin thing badly. I’ll fix it all,” I continued in a more level tone of voice, bringing back the sense of professionalism as I began thinking of how I was going to go about this predicament.

“Of course. Good luck out there,” He gave my shoulder an awkward pat before moving towards the door. I sighed regretfully as the leader left without another word, the strange tension lingering but somehow not becoming an overpowering force.

It’s your own fault. You went and kissed him, so now you’ve gone and confused everyone and yourself.

I didn’t know what lay in store for me now, as the news would surely spread like an untamed wildfire; stemming from Tae and Namjoon undoubtedly. What a bloody dumb thing to do, considering I’d just been accused of fucking around with one of them already.

My phone vibrated against the smooth surface of the bedside table loudly. Surprisingly, or maybe not so much, being the devil incarnate herself.

‘We’re waiting in the office area downstairs, I suggest you make it snappy or I’ll get on with this on my own.’

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