You know
I find it hard and sad that, as years go by, my experiences keep adding up. This may sound weird but, as I grow as a person and gain memories and friends and experiences, each experience gets lessened, I find it harder to recall things I did, or people I met, or relationships I found myself in. It’s like as time continues, the meaning of individual moments decreases, or even fades completely. It’s almost painful to look to the past now because all I see are half-memories and vague regrets, and it’s especially hard to see the good parts of the past, as I seem to only remember the painful parts. Maybe this is why people plateau once they reach a certain age, there has to be a point where the memories you’ve made up to that point and the mistakes that effect your development stop mattering to you. You can’t learn from your mistakes because you can barely recall them past a year or two. I struggle to define my “self” as certain events I would have said defined me years ago don’t even hold up in my memory now, perhaps I’ll just become the product of my most recent memories, which could lead to bad places if I don’t have a particularly good year or two at some point. There are people I’ve said I loved and would die for, and now I struggle to remember why I even cared enough to call them friend. I guess this is what they mean when they say your life will constantly change, but it seems that it isn’t about change, but how truly little any one event or person can really mean to you.
