#sad tw

full name: isaac langdon

nicknames: izzy, whatever ??

age / birthday: thirty-three

gender & pronouns: cis male, he/him

Occupation: detective for nypd

hometown: queens , new york

current residence: brooklyn , new york

height: 6'2"

sexuality: he says respectful people idk

BACKGROUND:

isaac is the only child of thomas and lauren langdon , lauren was just sixteen when she got pregnant with isaac and thomas was in his twenties and their parents forced the two to get married so people wouldn't talk. lauren had her future set out for her but once she got pregnant she became lazy and resentful and thomas was never the picture perfect example of responsible. as soon as isaac was born lauren blamed him for the way his life turned out and would often times take her anger out on the young boy. the young parents did not have conventional jobs so they stuck to unconventional ways to provide for themselves and their vices. during a robbery gone wrong , the couple was shot and killed but remained unidentified for a couple of days. isaac just assumed they were out and would be back , only reason anyone found out he was alone was because his teacher noticed how hungry the young boy was during lunch time.

after a lengthy court battle isaac was able to be fostered by his aunt , janice who quickly moved him to brooklyn and moved him into her living room. his aunt had a good job but she was money hungry and wanted more , only reason she took isaac in was for the foster money but she did not ever bother to give isaac his own privacy always letting him sleep in a pull out couch , cheapest clothes and plain rice for most dinners. isaac kept his head down , slowly gathering evidence of his aunt's behavior until he turned seventeen he went down to the court to petition for his emancipation. unfortunately it was not uncontested , his own aunt saying he was unable to care for himself -- he was only a child but isaac brought years and years proof of the neglect and abuse he had suffered for years. luckily , the judge saw through his aunt's act and granted him the emancipation.

his aunt immediately kicked him out but luckily conall's aunt and uncle provided him with shelter. isaac felt completely unprepared for adulthood , he had to provide for himself and unfortunately he saw only one way out --- the marines. it only took a week from his emancipation for him to sign up and leave for training.

the drill instructors immediately took a liking to isaac given his size and his commitment , in their eyes --- he had nothing to lose. he was placed into the 3rd divion and immediately deployed to the middle east ( era 2008 ). the invitation to apply for the Marines Forces Special Operations Command came a year after his deployment given his excellent record but his can do attitude. a year after his training and application he was accepted into MFSOC and began to work in confidential missions that were to remain off the books.

at 22, during a night mission , things were lost in communication and it caused his entire unit to die in combat except him. unfortunately shrapnel did enter his side which did require surgery to carefully remove what they could. he was put under several tests to see if he was fit for active duty and they decided it would be best for him to stick with desk duty. he refused so instead he was honorably discharged and shipped back to brooklyn.

once back in brooklyn , kennedy and conall moved him into the empty apartment next to theirs and after very little deliberation he applied for the NYPD. given his background in the marines , he was immediately let it , after he passed his psych eval , as a detective and eventually as conall's partner.

HEADCANONS:

he's overall a very nice guy, very little bothers him EXCEPT for crime he cannot STAND IT

is constantly exhausted but swears he doesn't need caffeine

his ENTIRE file is redacted, there is no record of what he did within the marines or his whole just the units he was in.

he is a big reader, gets grumpy if someone interrupts him in the middle of a chapter.

he NEVER talks about his past, doesn't see the the need.

There were just so many little things happening and nothing that could comfort you. You had your favorite food prepared for lunch, but the taste was off. You tripped and hit your elbow, and now your arm hurt when you tried to stretch it. Things were going wrong in so many ways that you were sure you did something to piss off some kind of supernatural being. It had to be.

You didn’t want to waste away the day in your bedroom, however big the temptation was. The idea of just putting your nightclothes back on and slipping between the sheets was tempting. The bed, where maybe your lover’s lingering scent would be enough to calm you down and make you feel safe as if everything was going to be okay.

But you were quite sure that the one that would unknowingly be providing that comfort would disapprove of your way of handling this. As devoted and loving Nozel Silva was around you, he still had his pride, work ethic, and family name, and expected you to uphold that as well. After all, you’re family too. Usually, you were quite good at it. The manners, the poise, the hard work,... Today, however, you just wanted to scream your lungs out and cry your eyes empty, dignity be damned.

You bit your lip and walked around a bit, focusing on your breathing as a means to calm down. It worked for a bit, enough to have you gather the courage to go to the captain’s office. You knew Nozel didn’t particularly like it when you interrupted his work, but you figured he wouldn’t be too mad if you didn’t speak. You just wanted to sit near him for a bit, you just wanted to feel better, and you were fairly certain that his presence was just what you needed.

However, when you knocked on the door and you heard him tell you to come in, all that resolve melted away. You stepped inside. He was sitting behind his desk, pen in hand, probably doing some paperwork. He tilted his head slightly, looking up at you with a curious face. It wasn’t your habit to interrupt his work. The moment his eyes met yours, you felt the hot tears sting at the corner of your eyes and you immediately looked down.

Too late, for Nozel was way too observant to miss that little detail.

“Y/n, what’s-”

“Please...let me just sit here for a bit?”

Your voice was more quiet than normal, and you were still looking at your feet. Nozel didn’t immediately answer, further defeating whatever part of your brain thought it was a good idea to come over here when you were like this. You heard his chair scrape back, and the thought of him coming closer and inquiring about what had made you feel this way today was too much.

The first tear spilled over, and the others soon followed now that the dam was broken. You bit your lip, doing your best to hold back on the sobs as your shoulders trembled from the sheer effort. You were too focused on keeping it together to notice what Nozel was doing until you heard a lock click and felt two familiar hands on your shoulders.

Your body acted before your mind could even come up with a reason why you shouldn’t, and you leaped forward, hugging Nozel close and crying in his chest, tears now streaming freely. You were doing your best to keep quiet, already inwardly berating yourself for being such a baby, for being so dramatic, for being so-

“It’s alright.”

His voice put an immediate halt to all those terrible intrusive thoughts before they could even take a darker turn. You choked out another sob, higher-pitched than the previous one, in sad confusion, and you sniffled.

“Whatever it is. However long it takes. It will be alright.”

You couldn’t immediately form a response, but with the way he was holding you, rubbing soothing circles over your shoulders as you let out all the tears and with them all the frustrations and negative emotions for the day.

When the tears stopped flowing and your throat felt raw, you pulled back a little to make eye contact. Nozel’s eyes showed only concern, briefly interrupted by a bit of disgust when you wiped your cheeks and nose on your sleeve.

“I am sorry.” You sounded tired, broken.

“What for?”

“Coming here,” you started, feeling tears welling up again as you felt guilty, “interrupting your work. I know you don’t-” You hiccuped, another sob escaping, “I know you don’t like me bothering you when you’re working. I’m sorry, I-”

A slender finger was gently placed over your lips, effectively shutting you up.

“Stop saying sorry. You will never be a bother to me.”

“bu-”

“Ssh”

He took his finger away from your lips only to cup your cheek, tilting your face slightly so you had no choice but to look him in the eyes.

“I love you y/n. Whatever is plaguing your mind, whatever is bothering you, whatever has happened, there is nothing that will make me stop loving you.”

“I love you too”, you replied, voice still brittle, the sound barely above a whisper. “I just… really had to be with you.”

“Then I’ll stay with you. As long as you need.” He wiped away a few leftover tears, then kissed your cheek.

“But your work..”, you started weakly, not really ready to make a compelling argument but not wanting to be a bother still.

“You will always be more important.”

He took your hand, and gently led you to the couch, sitting down first so you could join after, making yourself comfortable leaning on his chest.

“You don’t have to do this all alone”

“Thank you”

“Do you want to talk about it?”

You nodded, feeling the final tension slip away from your body.

“Why aren’t you in bed?” He asked through a yawn, dropping the books on his desk and flopping into the bottom bunk. 

“I could ask you the same question, Pat,” Roman hummed, completing his conclusion paragraph with a dramatic flair of his hands. “Just finished my paper. Going now.”

“Lost track of time at the library,” Patton murmured in response, draping his arms over his eyes. 

Closing his computer, Roman popped his back and climbed up the small ladder into the top bunk, using his cellphone as a flashlight. He assumed Patton was already fast asleep (the man could fall asleep at the drop of a hat) and tried to follow suit, only to sit up in annoyance after several minutes.

Whatever song was stuck in his head was keeping him up. 

He remembered a tip he’d seen on the internet once, that said if you sing the last part of the song, it’s easier to get out of your head. Something about ‘your brain needing to complete it to be satisfied’ or whatever. As hard as he focused, though, he couldn’t for the life of him figure out what song it was, much less the ending. 

The more he concentrated on it, the louder it seemed to get, until it was no longer a hum of bass in the back of his skull, and he could make out the lyrics, the guitar solos, everything. He definitely hadn’t heard this song before. It wasn’t the kind you’d hear playing in public; it was loud, swears thrown in every chorus, just generally the kind of thing you’d hear in a Hot Topic but nowhere else. 

And then it stopped.

For a split second he was pleased, thanking his brain for finally shutting off, and conceded to lie back down. He might be able to get six hours of sleep at this rate. Pretty good, for a college student. 

Except as soon as he closed his eyes, another song started. It was another one he didn’t know, one he would have no way of knowing each word to. The realization hit him hard and his eyes shot open, nearly falling off the ladder in his haste to climb down.

“Roman? Everything okay?” Patton drawled, clearly having been woken up by Roman’s enthusiasm. 

“My soulbond!”

“What?!” That got his attention and he jerked up, narrowly missing whacking his head on the top bunk.

“The music in my head all night, it’s my soulmate! It must be his birthday!”

He was pulling up music on his laptop before he’d even processed it, hands freezing over the keyboard as his brain grasped for something to play. What could he play that would properly introduce himself to his soulmate? A show tune? Something from the 80s? But his mind had gone completely blank, and he couldn’t think of a single one.

“What do I play, Pat?” He gasped, tapping the mousepad in time with the upbeat tempo in his head. 

Patton was suddenly leaning over his shoulder, clacking a name into the search bar before pressing enter. Roman narrowed his eyes 

“Why that one?”

Patton shrugged, “It’s kind of cheesy romantic, like you. And the first line is fitting.”

“A valid point,” Roman announced, closing his eyes to listen for a pause as the music switched. The second the song ended, he slammed the space bar, begging it to play before the next one started. 

How can you miss someone you’ve never met?

Because I need you now but I don’t know you yet,

But can you find me soon, because I’m in my head,

Yeah, I need you now but I don't know you yet.

A little more depressing than he initially would have chosen, but he could see Patton’s point. The music on the other end had been paused and he smiled in accomplishment, knowing that he must have heard. He let the song play to the end of the first chorus before pausing it, waiting with his roommate with baited breath.

The silence was almost unbearably long, Patton watching him intently for some kind of indication that the music was back.

Hello,

It’s me.

Adele’s soothing melody filled his mind and he absolutely wheezed with laughter. Patton grinned and let him explain through gasps for air, and he let out a giggle in response.

“Okay,” Roman snorted, “What next?”

Patton passed out probably an hour later after helping Roman pick out songs that would adequately encompass him as a person, but the theatre student didn’t sleep last night. Eventually him and his soulmate found a nice rhythm, each playing a song in turn. It didn’t take long for him to assume that his soulmate was emo (a fact that had him blushing furiously), simply due to the overwhelming amount of My Chemical Romance and Green Day played in his head, and he figured it was probably pretty obvious that he was a theatre kid. The second song he played was from Heathers, afterall. 

When his eyes finally started drooping too much to ignore, he knew he had to end this soon. The soulmate’s song ended and he quickly pulled up the first thing he’d thought of, a children’s lullaby, trying to indicate that he had to sleep.

There was quiet on the other end when the song ended, before the beginning trills of Baby Shark started playing and he groaned, quickly muffling the sound with his hand so as to not wake his roommate. He didn’t let it play past one verse, thank Olympus, and then his mind was quiet for the first time in many hours. It seemed like a mutual agreement that ‘now is sleep time’, and Roman went to sleep with a smile on his face.

Their new norm was quickly established in the following weeks. It became obvious almost right away that playing their music at the same time was cacophonous and only caused headaches, so they eventually settled on switching days. Every second morning, Roman would wake up to his alarm and quickly start his morning playlist, a set of rousing, uplifting, exciting songs to get his blood flowing for the day. It was his day to choose the music, so he’d set his walking playlist for class and his study one for the evenings, sometimes playing an adventure podcast or something to spice things up. The other days, he’d be woken by the soft notes of melancholy tunes, starting the day slowly. As the morning progressed, usually by the time he was eating breakfast, the tone would change to something a little more fast paced, as if his soulmate needed to warm up before getting to the main act. As much as the music wasn’t his style, he found himself keeping pace to the beat with his steps, bopping his head along to the melody, humming a harmony to the more commonly played ones. Just knowing that this was his soulmate made it better. 

And then, one day… the music stopped. 

He’d woken up around noon, not a big deal since he didn’t have classes until after lunch anyways, but he knew for a fact that his soulmate was always up by 10, latest. Whether the other had classes or a job that kept his schedule, he didn’t know. It was an oddity for sure that there was no alarm. 

He put it off to the other probably having a sick day, or a free schedule, and he was sleeping in for once. The worry only started creeping in near the evening, when usually at this time, the music would start slowing down again as the sun set. There hadn’t been a peep all day, which was very unlike either of them. Even though the silence bothered him, he wouldn’t dare intrude on the other’s day, so he studied and ate dinner in silence, tapping his pencil against the table. Of course, he put it off to a one day fluke. 

Except, two days after, when it should have been his soulmate’s turn again, there was no music. And the time after that. And the one after that. It was almost two weeks of radio silence on the other end before he called Patton through broken sobs, pleading for him to stop studying and come back to the dorm. Obviously, he made the ten minute walk in five. 

And then Roman admitted the way his anxieties had been spiralling.

“What if- What if our soulbond broke? Did the universe realize we were a mistake? Or… or what if he died?! What if he’s hurt or dying or alone and I’m just-”

Patton shushed him gently, rubbing his back as Roman hiccuped into his shoulder. “When did this start?”

“Two- two weeks ago.”

“Then isn’t it possible that he just isn’t listening to music for a little while? Maybe he’s… somewhere without wifi. Or his phone broke.”

Even though he very much didn’t believe a word Patton was saying, he nodded along messily, clutching Patton’s shirt tighter. He eventually agreed to give him more time, hold on just a little longer, before completely giving up.

It took about a month before he did, and it didn’t get better from there. 

Their consistency had been their norm for almost nine months, over summer break and now into the new school year, and now it was torn away without warning. Roman refused to listen to music on days that weren’t his, even though Patton tried to tell him it was okay, but he wouldn’t. It didn’t feel right. He mourned his soulmate the same way he would mourn a close friend’s death, for he truly believed he was gone for good. The person he’d barely gotten to understand, much less meet, and he was just… gone. He was going to live the rest of his life without a soulmate.

Most nights he just did the bare basics of the homework he had to do, without any of the old flair he’d put into all his work, and curled onto his bed to watch a show or, on his days, listen to music. His old playlists had shifted to the bottom of his rotation, now only bringing sadder memories that Patton had insisted he not indulge in at this point, so it was usually just automated lists he found. Nothing was special about them anymore. 

Today was his day, an uneventful Saturday where the most exciting occurrence was Patton convincing him to come to the cafeteria and eat with other people. It had been tiring and only made him feel more alone, so his daily scheduled moping times had come up a little earlier. Patton had given him a hug and a gentle kiss on the head, telling him he had to go meet some people for a group project, and to call if he needed anything, before grabbing his bag and leaving. Roman didn’t miss the sad look tossed his way before the door shut.

Despite Patton’s advice, he was feeling particularly shitty today, and his fingers, seemingly with a mind of their own, pulled up one of his older playlists. One of the ones that was reminiscent of days when he actually had a soulmate. He clicked shuffle and tossed the phone onto the pillow next to his head, curling that much deeper into his blankets, as if he could somehow refill the void that had been cut out of him. 

How can you miss someone you’ve never met?

Because I need you now but I don’t know you yet,

But can you find me soon, because I’m in my head,

Yeah, I need you now but I don't know you yet.

The first song he’d ever played had become a sort of inside joke between them. Despite the song’s sad melody and somber lyrics, it was a reminder of the first time they’d interacted; an awkward, laughter filled night. At least, it had been on Roman’s night, and he could only hope it had been the same on the other end. 

He didn’t even realize he was crying until the pillow beneath him was tear stained and gross to lay on. Why had the universe chosen him as the target for its cruel irony? Not that he wished this on anyone else… but why couldn’t soulmates be foolproof? Why was there that margin for error, the always-there possibility that everything you’ve ever dreamed of will be ripped out of your hands just as soon as you think you have it? So close, but so far. At least before they’d connected, he’d lived in blissful hope and ignorance. 

The song ended and he pressed pause lethargically, not able to find the emotional strength to listen to more. Maybe Patton had been right. A glance out the window showed that it was well past nightfall, the full moon gleaming into his window, and he decided to just sleep the emptiness away. It hadn’t worked so far, but maybe tonight was the night. He turned off his phone screen and plugged it in to charge, rolling away to face the wall, and waited for the soothing peace of sleep to take over him.

At first, he thought it was just a hallucination, wishful thinking. More than once in the three months since his soulmate disappeared, he’d thought he’d heard music, only for the feeling to disappear as soon as he focused on it. A soulbond only became louder when concentrated on, so he eventually realized he was doing it to himself subconsciously, his mind struggling to fill the emptiness that had once been filled by the other’s music. 

When it disappeared, he figured it was music from someone else’s dorm filtering through the thin walls. But no, this was too clear, too distinct, too ingrained, to be coming from an external source.

He calmed his racing heart before he could jump to conclusions. This music isn’t like what his used to be. It must be your brain, because he’s gone. He’s GONE, Roman.

Much as he tried to push it down, he couldn’t. It was becoming evident that no, something was happening, and it had to do with his soulmate. As he had done for the time he’d known (could it be considered ‘knowing’) the other, he concentrated on the lyrics, because those were the only feeble ways they’d interacted in those times. 

I’m sorry,

Don’t leave me,

I want you here with me, 

I know that your love is gone.

I can’t breathe,

I’m so weak, 

I know this isn’t easy,

Don’t tell me that your love is gone,

That your love is gone.

Patton walked in after his group meeting to see Roman sobbing in his bed and, immediately assuming the worst, he jumped onto the bed and pulled him into his arms. Through gasps for breath, Roman was able to choke out that, “He’s back. He’s playing music. He’s back. He’s back.”