divorce/life thoughts thrown out into the void (and into May's inbox) because human experiences are meant to be shared. writing down things helps, and I have and will journal about it plenty, but I wanted something on here, too.
my ex and I went and started our divorce paperwork yesterday. funny that it was on a 14th, 2 months before what would've been our 15th anniversary. we won't get to put a bow on things on that day, but it's a cute thought.
dear J,
we shared a wonderful love together, and I'll always look back on it with fondness. undeniably there was a deep love in there that we together made cloudy by being messy, struggling, imperfect humans. in that love and that mess I became who i am today, and i am glad to have shared those deeply human experiences with someone I can say i still trust and still wish the world for. we exhausted the tools that we had available and still reached for more. we struggled together to the end, and I am thankful that we gave it our all. i don't regret any of it, although I feel for my part in the hurt that we caused one another.
together we learned how to love and be loved, how to care, how to fail, how to suffer, and how to reflect and to begin to recover. i hope that what lies ahead for you is filled with all the best parts of what we learned were important to us - may you find yourself one day engulfed in warmth, peace, and happiness. may you conquer all your fears and demons, and may you intimately know healing. may you look back proudly and triumphantly, and grow into an even more wonderful person than the kind, silly, warm soul that I came to know and love. we leave behind something that has beautiful memories, but we also leave behind all the pain that our differences and our struggle dealt.
the gravity of losing a relationship that is tied to so much of our long lives is heavy. i sit with that now as i learn how to grieve it, but i also will do my best to build the kind of life that we wish each other to have.
thank you for those 15 years and all the lessons I take from them.
