#sa.app

HOW HAS JUKJEON BEEN TREATING YOU THE PAST 27 YEARS ?

When he was younger, Juncheol didn’t really like the idea of living in such a suburban area. He wanted to move to Seoul and make it big in the music industry. But that never really happened. He stayed in Jukjeon. He truly loves living there now. Sure, he pursued music, earning himself a degree in music education, but he has a daughter now. So, the suburban life is perfect for raising his daughter. 

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HOW HAS JUKJEON BEEN TREATING YOU THE PAST 1 YEAR ?

although it wasn’t easy to leave her previous life to build a new one at jukjeon, iseul would say she kind of enjoys jukjeon and a calm suburban life. the problem is she knows life will stay the same if she doesn’t leave, so iseul plans on moving out after college to look for better oportunities.

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HOW HAS JUKJEON BEEN TREATING YOU THE PAST 10 YEARS ?

 there is always more to life, more to learn and to discover. he’s come far since his return in the last ten years but he knows every day means a new story to tell. photography has taught him to be conscious, to be involved in even the smallest of passing winds. he doesn’t mind it here or anywhere. he figures he’ll know when it’s time to move on. for now, here is good. anywhere with others is good enough.

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1. “is mom coming soon?”

traditional storybook with dear mother and father comes to an abrupt end at the age of six. he doesn’t understand the concept of death or the pale white gown she has on when it’s his favorite “saturday visits to mommy.” all he knows is that one march day it’s jukjeon and the next day daegu and from then on it’s monday through sundays with grandma and grandpa.  

2. it’s busier there in the streets of daegu. he waves hello to every passing stranger, chubby cheeks stretched with boxy smile as he walks hand in hand with grandpa. he finds meeting new people more entertaining than the trucks papa has gifted him with. so he sits there on the park bench with his grandparents, short legs dangling just above the ground. he learns of mrs. kim at the flower shop on the corner and the chae family that lives two houses down but there always seems to be someone new.

3. he learns that his grandfather is a storyteller and more so than just grandma who reads with the best animated voices when it’s bedtime. their small daegu home is littered with the pictures that mark the legacy of his career. grandpa shares his perspectives and then others, always in the eyes and shoes of others. jaehwan thinks it’s fascinating how one can capture so much, how one can learn so much in so little. it’s only a given that he picks up the same hobby, enthralled to see the world through the other’s eyes. eventually, he even turns that into a method to show others how much he loves this world.

HOW HAS JUKJEON BEEN TREATING YOU THE PAST 1 YEAR ?

Though it hadn’t been his choice to move into the suburb, Sion doesn’t dislike the serene peacefulness of Jukjeon. In fact, he’s rather glad to avoid the chaotic city life of Central Seoul, coming from a quiet town in Gangneung. Having moved only a year ago and being a homebody, ( rarely stepping out of his apartment unless it’s an absolutely necessary ) he does have the tendency to get lost and often doesn’t know what is where, but he is quite content with the fact that everything he needs is within close distance.

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Trigger Warning: Mature theme. Angst. Mention of emotional abuse, alcohol, sex, death of family member. It’s kinda sad. Lots of blubbering.

“Sion-ah, your uncle is going to take you home with him. He’ll take care of you, okay?”

Pause. “You know that we have no other choice, right?”

His long lashes casting a shadow on his cheeks, he looked down, watching the muscles in his fingers tight into fists, and then unravel through the blurry view of his tear-filled eyes. He should be used to it by now, how she’d always use excuses to make her seem like a better person than she is. He was tired. The air felt like it was suffocating him, an invisible hand pushing his head beneath the water. Was this how it felt to drown? The silence, as she awaited for his answer, felt loud, like a constant ringing in his ears. “…I know,” he muttered under his shaky breath, his words barely recognizable.

Selfless and  understanding; they were the two qualities that define Kwon Sion the most. They were the qualities that ruined him the most.

Sion’s biological parents never married.

His biological father, Kwon Hyunjin, was a swindler, committing fraud and at times, selling illegal products behind the dark and trashy alleyways. Like a mayfly, he would use the earnings of the day for tobacco and alcohol. He lived for today, rather than the future. To a man like him, Sion was just a stumbling rock.

His mother, Lee Nami, was hopelessly in love with him, or at least she believed it to be love, thinking that he was the only one she could depend on. Her life changed as her relationship with him grew, dedicating herself to Hyunjin only; even cutting connections with her families and friends. ( Sion was able to learn in his teenage years, that it was the result of the emotional abuse that her boyfriend put her through, the constant push and pull. However, that’s a story for another day. )

Bringing Sion into the world was what his biological father would call, a mistake. The story behind it was obvious, a heated night at a hotel and then, they find out the condom was broken and that she’s pregnant. Had it not for the fact that Nami had somewhat sense of morality, convincing her boyfriend that she would have her mother take care of the child after birth, Sion wouldn’t have been born. But perhaps, it would have been the better choice. The life she gave her child was a miserable one.

Sion was raised in the hands of his grandmother.

She was kind, understanding and religious. She was the one that taught him love, taught him to be selfless, caring and comprehensive. She provided shelter and warmth, not only physically but for his heart and mind; the only reason why he was able to grow up with a normal childhood. As normal as he could get. He was aware that his parents left him. At times, when his classmates would pick on him for not having neither of his parents, he would return home, bursting out into hot tears. His grandmother would then take his little limbs into her arms, wipe away his tears with her wrinkled fingers and tell him, “You do have both your parents. They are just very busy, working hard so our Sion-ie can eat and grow happy,” to which he would respond back with an astonished, “really?”

“Yes,” she would say. “So, you have to study hard, become a great person so that they’ll be proud.”

“I’ll grow up quickly and make lots of money. Then, we can all live in a mansion.”

“Of course, our little Sion.”

At the age of 13 years old, when he was too young to have repaid her for the life lessons and the generosity, his grandmother passed away from a stroke.

And then, he met his parents.

They were, of course, nothing as he’d imagined them to be. Not at all like the people his grandmother had painted them to be. However, he understood. It was her way of comforting him, she had wanted to protect him. And it was just so that she couldn’t.

Alcohol, cigarettes and sex.

Of course, a curious boy like him, he wasn’t unaware of these things. The kids of his age learned fast. He’d heard about them in school, but having to face them in such a way was different. Every night, intoxicated, his father would return home and become furious at the sight of him. There would be an argument, mostly one-sided. Hyunjin spewing out vulgar words at his mother, threatening to leave her, at times, threatening to hurt both of them. Eventually, Sion learned to stay out of his radar, barely stepping out of his room. Every night, he had to pretend he was non-existent, covering his ears from the moans and thuds that would resonate through the thin wall of his room. He became disgusted by it all. The smell of alcohol or cigarette made his eyebrows scrunch up immediately in distaste, and he was even more disgusted by the mindless sex.

Early in the morning, when he would wake up to get ready for school, her mother would walk up to him with an apologetic smile, as if to ask him to understand. He’d merely give her a nod.

He didn’t have any friends at school. Rumours were easily spread, and no one wanted to befriend someone with a background like his. Of course, many were curious about him, but none would approach him, other than those looking for trouble. He learned not to care. Already born with a calm, serene nature, he’d become even quieter, barely speaking unless it was absolutely necessary. Instead of hitting the arcade or the soccer field like most of the boys his age, he spent most of his time, tucked away in his room or the corner of the library, reading manga books or watching anime. It was his only way to escape his hell-like reality.

When he turned 15, his parents left him for the second time.

He doesn’t remember it great detail. In fact, he had only heard snippets of conversation that his father had on the phone and pieced them together to make an assumption. Scam gone wrong. Making an escape.

Sion’s name wasn’t mentioned.

And we’re back.

“You know that we have no other choice, right?”

Kwon Inchul was surprisingly what Sion deemed to be the complete opposite of his biological father. He was quiet for one, enjoyed playing chess, warm baths and reading books, with his glasses perched on his nose bridge. He was a skillful cooker, had to have americano every morning after breakfast, liked things precise. In the five years that they lived together, Sion didn’t question the reason why he lived alone, nor why he agreed to take him in. It didn’t matter. Over time, he came to a realization that his uncle was able to give him somewhat of an idea of peace in his mind, despite the bare minimum amount of conversation between them due to their similar personalities.The most he ever spoke was all related to: “So, what are you going to do in the future?”

Taking it as a sign, Sion worked hard, ( but not too hard, because there were many manga books and anime series to be watched ) graduated high school with decent marks-though, not decent enough to get into university in Seoul-and soon, moved out.

He took his first year off to work, gathering up enough money for tuition and eventually to rent a room with the help of his uncle.

HOW HAS JUKJEON BEEN TREATING YOU THE PAST 3 YEARS ?

jukjeon’s very much like home, simply put. living together with her grandmother in boseong and spending majority of her life there, hanna was used to the quiet life growing by the countryside led. there, she would spend hours staying outside of the house, a book in hand, reading the day away while listening to the nature, and while jukjeon doesn’t really offer the same serenity boseong does, she can’t help but thank whatever god there is that it was still peaceful enough for a few moment of relaxation.  

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hanna’s earliest memories have always been with her grandmother. from birthdays to school events and the very few times a guardian is called in by her school teacher, mostly due to her tendency of dozing off in the middle of the class, as though the teacher was hoping that by talking to her grandmother, then her grandmother, in exchange, would teach her a lesson or two so she wouldn’t be spacing out anymore. but of course, grandmother dearest is just too sweet to her youngest grandchild, and by the end of the day, hanna instead earns a candy or two and a pat in the head.

her parents had separated not long after her birth. father’s somewhere out there while mother’s in jeju, always too busy with work, and so since young, hanna’s been staying with her grandmother in boseong, helping her with whatever she could; from the smallest of tasks like washing dishes to carrying gallons of stream water home for her grandmother to use (for what, only god knew, truly.)

living by the countryside resulted to a very uneventful life. simple, quiet, and far from chaos, and perhaps that’s also the reason why hanna’s come to be a very simple, easy-going woman, not at all like one of some others who yearn for fame or money. she’s very easy to satisfy and her wishes, if there’s even any, tend to be so undemanding.

the move to jukjeon was her grandmother’s suggestion. “you need to live your life for once,” she told her one day, telling her that she had spent too many years in waste, doing nothing but caring for her grandmother and never once spending a night out with friends like people of her age usually would. at first, hanna adamantly refused—why would she ever abandon such a simple, yet fulfilling life?—but day by day, again and again, her grandmother would raise the idea once more.

live somewhere far from home. get a job. go and make friends.

again and again and again until finally hanna gave in.

HOW HAS JUKJEON BEEN TREATING YOU THE PAST 1 YEAR ?

Though he lived just outside London before, it was still like living in another world. The sights, smells, sounds, the taste of the air in the morning, this was all new to him. It was lonely. It was what he needed.

After the mess he’d made back in England, he needed the new lifestyle to clear his head. That didn’t stop him getting bored of his new life, however. He was a workaholic, needing something to do with his days so that he didn’t go mad.

Seoul was his salvation, he was able to join a theatre company in the city. They were passionate people and Hoon soon found himself inside their small circle. There were no big roles but it reminded him why he loved his job. Being able to have fun and tell a story made him fall in love with acting and himself again.

Jukjeon became home, a quiet place where he could rest away from the city of Seoul. He found himself enjoying the lifestyle that the locals lived and, though he had only planned to stay for a year at most, started questioning his decision to go back to England. Sure. he’d need to at some point but being in the suburbs  allowed him to try new things, maybe be a different person.

He renewed his housing after a year in Jukjeon, he was staying for longer. After all, he felt like he had new people to meet.

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Born in South Korea, little Hoon had everything he needed in life. He would have every opportunity he wanted, a loving family, and many friends. He was a happy, normal, child.

It was during a family trip to England that Hoon fell in love with the stage. His parents took him to see a West End show, Annie, when he was 9 years old. He watched the performers, mesmerised by the way they moved on the stage. As his eyes followed each actor, his expression of wonder and amazement very wavered, he was captured by them and would be for the rest of his life.

It was a year later that Hoon was on a plane to England, his small family having packed up and taking the leap to move across the world. It would be a hard first year, the language didn’t sit well on Hoon’s tongue and he found making friends was almost a lost cause. It wasn’t until he joined an amateur acting class at it clicked.

He would spend hours with them, leaping across the stage and laughing away his youth. He almost missed English becoming second nature to him, his confidence growing, his friendship circle increasing each weekend.

He was happy.

Hoon was a dedicated. He trained, hard. He was a good singer and found himself adapting to roles in a natural way, even from a young age. His family were happy to fund his career choice, driving him to different auditions and getting him lessons in things he may need. He was a lucky kid and was able to really develop his skills in the years since he started his journey.

His first role in the West End was when he was 19. It wasn’t anything too grand but Hoon couldn’t stop talking about it, his mother cried when she saw him perform.

It was the happiest he’d ever felt. Suddenly he was doing the very thing he’d dreamed of and he was only going to go up from here. Maybe a leading role? A year long tour? Maybe even other countries? The limits were endless in Hoon’s mind, nothing could stop him from going forward, taking another step into his career.

He even met the girl that would become “The Serious One”, Amy. She was the leading lady, beautiful and smart. They’d sit talking between shows in each others dressing rooms, sharing food and laughing at things only they found funny. He lost his virginity to her in more ways than one, she seemed to be so many of his firsts and he felt giddy just thinking about her.

Hoon would go on to do many more shows, each one earning him more praise and better roles. He soon got to be the leading man, to tour for months on end, he even got to go abroad with a production. He was a raising star that didn’t seen to be stopping, he loved it. The attention, the thrill, the challenge, and the pay off. It all seemed to come together to form the very blood that flowed through his veins.

Coming off the back of a successful year long tour, he was 27 when he proposed to his girlfriend.  

She said no.

It came as a shock to say the least.

She said she loved him.

She said she was scared of the commitment, that she was still young.

It made sense to Hoon’s head but to his broken heart it was just noise. They had spoken about marriage, had she just expected him to wait until she was ready? Of course she had and Hoon knew that her wishes were justified but that didn’t stop him from being upset.

Marriage had always been one of Hoon’s goals in life, he’d always voiced his  desire to marry the woman he loved. Now? Now it felt to him like the woman he loved didn’t see a future with him. If those feelings were true or just his dramatic mind, it didn’t matter. He was past the point of caring.

They fought. Both saying stuff they didn’t mean and stuff they had always wanted to say.

“You got together too young” his mother would say later.

They went a month without speaking, without trying to speak to each other. Hoon didn’t know if they were still together or if he’d lost the person he cared about more than himself. He needed a change of scenery, of lifestyle.

He needed to focus on himself. No more roles, no more thoughts of marriage.

HOW HAS JUKJEON BEEN TREATING YOU THE PAST 10 MONTHS ?

goeun is glad to be living somewhere more crowded than her hometown, where she can be a bit anonymous if she wants to be. she’s tired of the typical small town everyone-know-everything-about-everyone attitude, and she’s too sick of crowds to put herself right in the middle of seoul, and jukjeon provides a pretty nice balance of both while she gets her studies done.

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TW: injury mention, drug use

september 10th, 1996 - 2:12 PM

south korea’s rising star swimmer, the twenty-one year old yeo joohee, announces her pregnancy. her career ends just after winning three medals at the atlanta olympics, and she retreats to her parents’ home on some island in jeolla. rumours swirl that the father is her new coach, kwak jongsoo, but no one is willing to confirm or deny it.

april 30th, 1997 - 4:36 AM

after a roller coaster twelve hours - including her mother going into labour five weeks early and an emergency c-section - yeo goeun is born. she screams loud enough for patients in the next hall over to hear, and the doctors and nurses all agree she’s surprisingly strong and healthy for a premature baby.

march 15th, 2002 - 7:47 AM

goeun’s uncle is a fisherman, and whenever her mom sleeps in he takes her out on his boat. she loves the waves and the smell of the salt in the air, but on one day it’s so rough and cold, and goeun is sitting on the edge, and a wave hits her hard enough she nearly tumbles into the sea. she cries for the rest of that trip, wrapped up in a blanket, and every trip after that she insists on sitting right in the middle of the boat. for the first time, water becomes scary.

february 23rd, 2004 - 4:08 PM

after practicing in the local pool for months, goeun is at her first swim meet. the butterflies in her stomach won’t stop churning, and every time she looks in the stands she sees her mom - usually nothing but that, but on this particular day she can’t shake the pressure that olympic medalist swimmer, yeo joohee is watching her. she finishes tenth, her mom gives her a big hug when they meet after the race, and promptly gives some pointers on how she should be breathing between strokes.

october 10th, 2006 - 3:31 AM

goeun wakes up to swim before and after school, and it takes over almost all of her free time. after going to gwangju for a province-wide meet and finishing second, she’s become a kind of local celebrity, enough that she gets out of homework every once in a while. as much as goeun loves swimming, she’s kind of not sure if she deserves all the praise and attention she’s getting

march 1st, 2011 - 6:21 PM

goeun has won her first national meet. after years of gruelling training and hard work, she stands on a podium in front of the entire country. goeun is finally fulfilled.

december 19th, 2014 - 11:45 PM

it’s stupid, really - goeun was running across the street to meet with some friends and ended up tripping and sliding across some ice, fracturing her kneecap. a thin fracture, but enough to keep her out of the pool for weeks, at a critical time in her career. but goeun doesn’t want to worry herself too much, especially not when her mom keeps hovering over her with a furrowed brow. one yeo has already killed her career - the next one definitely can’t.

july 6th, 2016 - 7:02 PM

goeun’s times leading up to the 2016 olympic trials seem to keep getting lower, and her knee doesn’t seem to ever get less stiff. her physical therapist advises her to wait for the next olympics, make sure she’s really healed, but the idea of waiting terrifies goeun - she can’t miss her chance to the games. so she makes a dumb mistake, something she knows not to do - she takes some pills her coach offers, and with some time and extra practise, her times race up again. goeun feels nauseous every time she enters the pool, guilty and terrified of being caught, but she makes it onto the south korean team and that means it must be worth it.

august 25th, 2016 - 1:10 PM

with witness testimonies given, drug test results revealed, her bronze medal stripped away, and hot tears streaming down her cheeks, goeun holds a press conference. yes, she took performance-enhancing drugs. yes, she feels ashamed, and she apologizes to all of her fans and all of south korea for being dishonest. the media goes in a frenzy, and digs up her mother’s past - seems like yeo women are jinxed to end their careers after one successful run at the olympics. goeun decides not to swim again.

january 22nd, 2017 - 12:31 PM

HOW HAS JUKJEON BEEN TREATING YOU THE PAST 3 YEARS ?

jukjeon, as it is, isn’t what huayu’s expected.

that should go unsaid, especially mostly because the only reason he’s here is because of a stupid incident that’s inflicted permanent harm on him. otherwise, he would have remained amongst the bustling metropolis of china—but instead, he’s, well. here.

rendered useless.

it’s a bit bleak, he supposes. but despite the fact that some days it gets so bad to the point that he doesn’t want to get out of bed (doesn’t see the point in living) the days go on.

(time waits for no man.)

and that fact alone makes him push on, just that this time, not physically. fate always has a plan though, whether it takes a year or ten, and he believes it’ll get better. it needs to. but while he’s stuck here in an apartment that’s too big for his body, and left to his own devices to pursue his dreams in another manner, he figures—

why not make the most out of it while it lasts?

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tw: homophobia, violence, bodily harm

“mr. lin.”

the shuffle of paper, and a piece is turned around for him to see.

“may i just ask—do you know why huayu… chose to depict his family in this way when he was asked to?”

it’s in red crayon, the typical jagged grass and stick figures in front of a house that every kid draws: there’s himself, his dog, his father…

and his other… father?

“i—“

they’re not smiling. stick-boy huayu’s face is scrunched into a frown, a big red cross drawn across their whole family.

伤心伤心伤心. (unhappy unhappy unhappy.)

为什么他们都这么讨厌我们? (why do they all hate us so much?)

“i-i don’t know.”

i don’t know either, huayu.

ON YOUR MARKS,

“hey.”

he keeps his head ducked down.

“hey, fucker, we’re talking to you.”

brisk, brisk, brisk, arms clamped stiffly by his sides in an attempt to get away.

he fights the urge to sprint away.

“hasn’t your father taught you any respect?”

(away away away away away)

“oh, oops. probably not. especially since he’s fucking that other man—your diedie, is he? every other night.”

freeze.

and he sees red.

/

“i expected better of you, huayu.” his voice is disappointed, heavy. it weighs down on his tiny  shoulders, an act done that’s beyond than his understanding (for now). all that’s keeping him from collapsing is his father’s gaze that pins his feet to the ground. “i can’t believe you did that.”

(which is worse: the fact that he doesn’t feel remorse or that he should?)

“but- baba, they said…”

“i don’t care what they said. huayu, you can’t just. go around hitting people because they said something you didn’t like! do you know how angry that boy’s parents and your teacher were? they told me that—“ silence. his father breaks off abruptly and swallows, words snagging on his teeth. “well. they told me- they told me some things.”

(this is no way to bring your child up, mr. lin. i’m sure your… lifestyle, is impacting your son negatively, whether you realise it or not.)

the fight drains out of him, and only exhaustion stays as a residue. “the point is, huayu, just. don’t engage in violence, okay? no matter what people tell you. they don’t understand… us.”

(but baba, that’s not true. we’re as normal as anybody else.)

that night, huayu laces up his shoes, and runs.

/

running is all he seems to do these days, apparently.

figuratively and physically.

it doesn’t matter though, because it lands him a place somewhere, even if it’s just a place on his middle school’s track team. it’s a step up from his usual reputation as a hidden shadow, at least.

it allows him to be seen.

/

left, right, left, inhale.

here comes the blinding gold of medals and trophies that huayu’s showered with, recognition after recognition after recognition.

it’s already a steady pattern that he’s used to, a constant thrum of energy that settles in his bones and serves to push him further. (the only rhythm he’ll allow himself to settle into.) his limbs burn and his lungs are desperate, but he thinks that it’s worth it. it’ll always be.

(“you ever thought about going pro, kid?”

“…no?”

“well, you should. you’re still young, but with the way you run—it’ll take you places.”)

for the first time, huayu lets himself fall in love.

GET SET,

high school comes round in a flurry of glory.

the track is practically his second home, the red gravel a sort of solace in itself. it’s where he runs, runs, and runs, and doesn’t look back.

and take him places, it does. he’s offered a full scholarship for his times, makes the nationals. said that he’s good enough to represent the country, even, if given the time. for a small boy, huayu has big dreams (and for once he lets himself dream).

maybe it’s not a big deal. he’s just running (from his problems, from the track, from life), but it makes him, him. or—he’s afraid to discover who he’d be without this, something he’s actually good at, something he cares about.

he hides it behind a mask of pride, though, withering smile directed at his teammates who only ever offer their graciousness. but huayu is not gracious, or kind, to the world that has never once been that to him. why begin now? and so he wears his medals around his neck, head lifted high, and tries to convinces himself that he is the best.

(he’s not.)

but.

this is the happiest he’s been in a long while, and he hold it close to his heart.

/

“is there something you don’t believe in?”

(Him. for if He existed, huayu’s parents would have had an easier fucking life and they wouldn’t be condemned. He’d have provided the refuge that they sought instead of the constant harsh disapproval they were faced with. huayu would be happy. He would have saved them.

but He didn’t.)

maybe huayu isn’t the nicest—or even remotely decent—human, but who’s to say that of him? (karma) why can’t he get away from being unkind when everyone else can? (because.) is he going to regret being truthful? (yes)

so huayu says, simply:

“god.”

/

“god, you never learn your lesson, do you?”

this time, he has no savior. instead, envy claws at him with extended talons and tries to rip him into shreds. it comes in the form of a group of boys, almost a reflection of the same incident years ago.

this time, envy is armed with sticks that will actually break his bones.

“what makes you fucking think you can just come in here thinking that you’re all that? you think you’re that good, huh? when we’re done, no college will even fucking spare a glance at you.”

six to one, and it’s obvious at a glance that huayu’s as good as finished. give up? notan option. more like,

#1: violence (and disappoint all the people that’s ever mattered to him once again)

#2: back down—pride pride pride

#3: (…run?)

(he’s been running away his whole life.

but maybe, this time he can’t.)

there are no shoes to lace this time, no arguments to sprint away from. all huayu can do is lie there, body curled into himself, as he bleeds,

metal against bone, skin against flesh.

(he feels it on his arms his backs his legs— and oh god his legs—)

crack!

/

his world

crashes

down.

/

he was right. no decent sports university spares a glance at the boy with the crippled leg, previous agility now reduced to a pathetic limp.

a shattered tibial plateau, huayu’s told.

do you want to press charges?

and he should,

he should.

but maybe—he had it coming.

/

“yes, dad, i’m doing fine. no, i’m not dying— i can take care of myself! no i’m an adult—hello, ba—i’ll be alright, jeez. and yes, i’ll visit soon, don’t worry, okay? yeah, see you, love you both. take care.”

he hangs up, and the sudden quiet of his apartment instantly swallows him whole with the absence of his parents’ constant chatter in his ear.

he’s lonely and fuck, he misses them. but guangzhou doesn’t have a place for him anymore, and he’s moved from seoul to jukjeon in search of a quieter place to settle down. maybe planning weddings (even as an intern) is a rather odd job he’s found himself in, especially for someone who doesn’t believe in any sort of happy ending.

(he hates to admit it, but he lies in wait for someone to prove him wrong.)

it still pays him, though, and at least aids him in the cost for his tuition at dankook.

it’s far from what he’d imagined himself at in this point of time—star athlete, rough edges, an infinite youth on hand, but instead here he is—struggling, recovering, and not enough time. never enough time.

he’s coping, though.

there’s still a lot for him to learn, and some days it tires him out. if anything, does he really deserve his situation now? he likes to think he does, as a sort of consolation (not much). and all he wants to do is—

(left, right, left, exhale—?)

and yet, maybe he learns that he can’t always keep running anymore. maybe, maybe all he needs is to be kind to the world before it’s kind to him.